Positive Linking eZine: April 24, 2015

kay white enewsletter

Volume 108 | 24 April 2015  

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Hello There

Hello there %$firstname$%,

It’s been an interesting time these past couple of weeks.

Having hosted my 3rd Live Event and all that happens before, during and after, I’ve had a period of real quiet. Having been recovering both from the energetic rush of the Event as well as, quite shockingly, Pneumonia, I’ve had to be really quiet. No socialising, alcohol, late nights and no London trips – all facets of my life which I love and thrive upon. Normally.

When things are not ‘situation normal’ it makes you stop and reassess. Don’t you find that yourself %$firstname$% when you’ve experienced the unexpected and it’s tested you and your commitment to things, a person, a situation? Well that’s been me.

Letting other people help, support and take some of the strain isn’t always easy for us implementing, independent women. Well, I have and have had to. Also, laying low, sleeping more, having power-naps, all these things have helped. My sister and nephew came and cooked me lunch and, literally, took me for a walk! I’m so much better now and had my first glass of something other than apple juice this weekend. Happily, my taste for a glass of vino is very much still there %$firstname$%.

As someone who always believes in looking for the lessons in situations, I’ve learned a number. More on those another time. For now, it’s about rest and recuperation and allowing that to be high up on the menu.

Remember, always be true to yourself – no one else can be the unique, one-off, multi-faceted person you are. No one.

Warmly to you,



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PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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What's Happening

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™ LIVE Event –

Date for Your 2016 Diary

I believe in setting an intention and going with it %$firstname$%. If you know you need to be there in 2016, here’s the date and it will be in London again. The contract for the room is close to being signed and, already, women are telling me “I’m coming next year – I know I need to be there”. So. Just saying. If you do too, now you know the when.

Look at the glam, intentional and energetic women who joined me last month. Maybe you’ll be one of them next year?

The ‘how’ will work itself out….. 9, 10, 11 June 2016.

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Stop Saying ‘Sorry’ (it seeps your power)

“I’m so sorry, Oh sorry about that, hey there sorry to bother you, Oh, sorry it’s only Jane” – and on it goes. Saying sorry when, in truth, we don’t really mean we’re sorry.  It’s often more about something to say than necessary AND it’s a slippery, dangerous slope if you want to be taken seriously at work.

When I sat with a client, let’s call her Hilary, for the first time, we talked about what she thought was going on which meant she felt so stuck, so undervalued, so small – as she said. Hilary’s boss asked me to work with Hilary to give her more confidence when communicating so she’d be ready to take on more responsibility.  Her boss was very smart – she knew she had an excellent PA in Hilary who was loyal, efficient and super-smart and she knew she needed to kick her sorry habit if she was going to be an Exec PA and represent her at the C-Suite Board level.

As I sat with Hilary that first meeting, I quietly noticed how many times she said ‘sorry’ – it was about 15 times in the first explanation of her career history and after a while I was conscious of listening less to the story and the details and listening more for the number of times she said Sorry.  Not good.

If you hear someone say “Sorry but” or “Sorry no” or “Sorry to say” it actually does 2 things in the moment – it tells you something’s up, that I think something’s not right and you actually can put people on the defensive or on the look out for some bad news.

There is a gender thing going on here too and it’s worth noting.

As women, we’re hard wired to keep the peace, to help relationships flourish and we don’t like, as a rule to upset people. It’s often why so many women shy away from conflict. Men, on the other hand, have a much higher threshold for what behaviour is acceptable and what and when an apology is needed. Men will often ride roughshod over things believing that if it happened to them, they’d be OK with it rather, than, as women, we worry and fret about whether we’ll upset the applecart, about what people will think of us and will they still like us.  This of course, doesn’t help our case at work.

In general, men also don’t automatically take the blame or responsibility for things and this, I believe, is something we as women can learn a lot from for ourselves. A man is much more likely to blame outside forces or circumstances on things going off “the conditions were just too tough” or “the market turned just at the wrong time” rather than “I’m so sorry, I just didn’t see it coming” – not jumping forward to take responsibility for things which are so often outside of our control.

So – I want to invite you to:

  • Watch and notice if and how other people apologise and the effect it has on you.
  • Notice if it is just something to say OR if they genuinely mean it.
  • Also, notice yourself – if you don’t really mean it, you’ve just got the feeling you need to say something, then just stay silent. Pause.
  • Take a breath, AND here’s something else to say instead. Say thanks. Thank you. Instead of ‘Oh, sorry for interrupting’ you can say “thanks for sparing me a moment” or instead of saying “Sorry if I’m going on too long” you can say “thanks for giving me your attention a little while longer” What this does is very, very useful. It presumes the other person is going to give you their attention or spare you a moment and empowers you. Far more useful and, in fact, truthful.
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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:

“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.


Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”


To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, we’re always interested to hear from you. Please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right)

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Thelma P., Education Sales Specialist, Leading Software Company, USA

My approaches to the Sales Team were falling flat and I found it hard to get reactions and responses from them to include me in sales discussions and consider me as part of the core Sales Team. Before working with Kay I was at the point of frustration and it was affecting my confidence.

Kay quickly showed me how to hook and keep attention when I engaged with the Sales Team over email and when I present at Sales Meetings. I use her Email and Phone systems daily and really enjoy following the steps which make communicating much more clear, sensible, effective AND from the heart.

Kay's Owl

T is for Trust, Think, Thrive

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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People / Places / Products

Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard Podcast

Each week you can pick up tips, steps, strategies and mindsets from my snappy podcast “Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard”.

For example, you can hear even more tips and ideas about ‘Sorry’ from the article above on this Podcast or another popular one about how and why to stop waiting to be asked.

Normal weekly podcasts resume next week, 30th April.

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No slurping or spillage as you keep hydrated!

If you host teleconference calls or take part in them then this is for you! Also, if you speak on stages or host meetings – especially if microphones are involved, this is also for you. Use a straw – that’s my sparkly advice for you.

I’ve bought a ‘sippy cup’ as it’s known and use it when I speak to groups and when I host teleconferences. It doesn’t make a slurping sound when I drink, my lipstick stays in place (crucial) and if ever I knock it, it doesn’t go everywhere. I’ve even had a branded sippy cup made for my clients so they keep hydrated and remember to stay assertive, strategic and true to themselves at the same time.

When I speak to audiences I make reference to it and they always love it as it’s such a simple, savvy thing to know about and use yourself.

Cheers %$firstname$%!

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About Kay

About Kay White

Kay White works with experienced business women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to own, position and speak of their value so their income, opportunities and confidence naturally increases. Kay combines private, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, speaking and hosts her annual 3-day Live Event ’Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE”. She also hosts her weekly podcast radio show ‘Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard’ downloadable from her site or on iTunes.

Using insights from her own +20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities as a result as Kay shows her clients how to add true, personal sparkle. Both to themselves and to what they say.

Working with Kay, her clients discover how to be confident, assertive, attract and keep attention and then ask for and get what they want. It’s a learnable skill to ask for what you want, to persuade, influence and get other people engaged and into action – both in writing and face-to-face. Kay’s developed step-by-step systems for her clients to learn, follow and use the steps every day and everywhere.

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’. She’s also a contributing Author in 4 other #1 best-selling books and annually hosts a 3-day Live Event in London for professional women: Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.

During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers.Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently!

Kay and her husband live close to London with their 3 rescue sighthounds. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.

Find out much more at www.kaywhite.com.

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