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Positive Linking eZine: December 14, 2018
Volume 186 | 14 December 2018
Hello there %$firstname$%,
So, last week I met with 3 of my closest girl friends – Zoe, Mo and Ellen – and we had a night on the town together. We met for Champagne first and then dinner in our London Club and then stayed overnight and had breakfast – and even more chatting.
It’s easy to rush, rush and try to fit in a ‘quick catch up’ between shopping trips, phone calls and feeling like you’ve ‘ticked off the list’ seeing that person. Personally, I’d rather not bother. I truly value quality time and conversations, connections and have reversed away from friends who just want to ‘fit in’ a chat with me. As my dear Mother used to say “Kay, we always find time for the things we want to do and the people we want to do it with”. We do.
As a rule, I try not to say “Oh I haven’t had time to…” – Oprah, Bill Gates, the Dalai Lama all have the same 24 hours in any one day as we do. There’s a saying about what you focus on expands %$firstname$% and whilst Oprah etc may all have loads of assistants in their lives, they still have to choose where to invest their energy too. It’s a choice and instead of not having time – it’s a case of not making time or not making it important enough. That’s OK too.
It’s interesting at this time of the year with all the “When can we get together for a quick glass?’ texts and in my view, and what I’ve been saying now is “next year”. I’m full. Lots of lovely plans in place and not too many. Gaps where I don’t want anything or anyone. I may sound grumpy but I’m really not at all. I’m just being fierce about my energy and attention and quality time, all of which are finite resources.
What about you %$firstname$%? Are you choosing how your year-end time will be invested. I really encourage you to take a look at what you really want to do rather than what you feel you ‘should’ do.
Having had a year full of being out there with Events, Retreats, book-writing, book launches and socialising in between, I’m pressing pause and this little eZine will resume for you early in 2019.
Wishing you a year-end festive time full of the people and things you love the most %$firstname$%. Shine on.
Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work. There’s no time to do this like the present which is, after all, all we have guaranteed…
Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,
Let’s connect even more
PS – Oscar Wilde said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.
It’s Always Your Move by Kay White
My new book is designed to be like a road map, a guide when sometimes it can be too murky to see what next career move to make which makes sense to you. Not to others, but to you %$firstname$%.
It’s just been released as a Kindle edition so you can have it with you on your tablet or telephone for guidance or inspiration when you’re on the move.
Early in 2019 I’ll be recording the AudioBook version so you can download it and listen to it too/instead.
As Dame Inga Beale, the outgoing CEO of Lloyd’s of London(and first ever female one) says about the book “It’s a practical guidebook to help you confidently and strategically navigate the twists and turns and the ups and downs of your own unique career journey.”
YOUR 2018 Year End Review & 2019 Planning Guide
Give yourself the gift of YOUR OWN Year-End Review.
It would be easy to just keep going and dive in to 2019 without taking the lessons, messages and developments from your 2018 with you.
I’ve created a special 2019 Career-Accelerating tool for you.
YOUR 2018 Year-End Review & 2019 Planning Guide. Carefully-crafted questions for you to capture your evolution and developments from 2018. Combine these with a way to plan for what you want in 2019. All together in one nifty, yours-to-keep document.
This is you giving yourself your own Year End Review – not your company’s, nor your boss’s. Yours %$firstname$%. You can ADD lessons from it to your company review and give it more impact…
Having carried out my own last week, it made me make a clear and distinct decision about what I’ll be doing in 2019. Without the Review time, I’d still be swirling…
Stop shooting from the lip
How to zip-it and give yourself breathing space
This is a tricky one for so many of us. Wait. Pause. Think a bit. Choose if you’re going to act; to respond. To ‘Zip it’ is such a useful little phrase and it’s easy to remember.
It’s so easy to assume we have to respond, to fire back after receiving a message, a phone call, and an email and just respond – straight away. Either ‘shooting from the lip’ or, when writing, ‘shooting from the fingertip’.
So, instead of the flaming arrow you might send which can end up costing a lot of time and money in confusion and back-tracking, why not try a bit of ‘Masterful inactivity’, which is zipping it in action, or really in chosen and considered inaction. One of my clients named it that and it’s perfect as a mindset. Masterful inactivity in action.
There’s a difference you see. Ignoring things has no energy to it. It’s passive. Whereas ‘Masterful inactivity’, has some energy about it. It’s a decision to wait; to pause; to Zip-It; sometimes to just wait and see how things pan out before responding or acting. Other times just to breathe or to sleep on it. Other times to just let it be and let the other person go or certainly let their ‘vibe’ quieten down.
Instead of responding to those flaming-arrow types of email or urgently urgent phone calls, wait. We have to recognise an emergency and act on it, of course, but most of the time others’ urgencies don’t have to become our emergencies, do they?
Often the person sending the message will either chase you up or – more often than not – call you to follow up or apologise. They often sort out the thing that they pounced on you to do and, if they don’t, then you now have a choice. By waiting, pausing – even if it’s just for 5 minutes – you also give yourself time to breathe. Take time to consider and you often take the energy, frustration and heat out of your own response.
When someone says something to you and you feel the ‘arrrgghh’ of frustration rise up or, often worse, the sarcastic voice which is so easy to use for your response, instead of going with it, wait. Pause. Sometimes you don’t even have to comment and it’s often far more powerful if you don’t. You remember to breathe and you wait. It’s like letting the air go out of it!
If you decide in that moment that you will adopt a bit of ‘masterful inactivity’ then you’ve made a decision as opposed to reacted. Different. The other person will often be surprised by your silence. Also as their own heat dissipates, they may re-think their decision or opinion. You, on the other hand, decided to just park it for a while.
3 tips to take on and try
Be on the lookout for opportunities to adopt masterful inactivity today. When you open an email, read it and then maybe put it into a file you create called ‘Masterful Inactivity’. You can then keep an easy eye on when and how you respond, and it’s easy to keep track of any you decide to file here.
Decide if you’re going to respond to someone or something. Notice how you decide. Are you thinking things through? Are you reacting to someone else’s crisis or demand at the price of your own concentration, your own flow? You may just decide to zip it.
Notice other people and how they react or respond. You’ll realise that a lot of people do zip it and watch, wait and see. Watch how they do it and, depending on how you feel, ask them about it.
Not a new idea I know but it’s one that works. Seneca, the Roman philosopher (5BC – 65AD) said “It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence.”
Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?
Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it: “Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Smart Career Moves Mentor for Corporate Career Women www.kaywhite.com.Author of two international number 1 bestselling books: The A to Z of Being Understood and It’s Always Your Move
To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.
J is a team-leader in a UK-based corporate and we started working together as her Director was concerned at how J was expressing herself in both meetings and in emails and the negative effects it was having on her team. She was described as “muddled and unsure”.
“Kay’s style is really informative and participative and within the first half an hour together she started to highlight to me some of the ways I was expressing myself which was really holding me back. Instead of making me feel in the wrong or uncomfortable, she immediately put me at my ease. I knew I needed to speak more slowly and with more volume to make people sit up and listen AND it gave me more time to think by doing this.
Together we worked on ways I could handle situations and difficult people differently and she really highlighted the power of my language and how it can be used for effect. I’m now much more aware of how I speak and what I write and how to structure what I say so it has more effect. I’m much more confident now and I think and plan what I’m going to say. My team has noticed the difference in me and how I’m more convincing and confident.”
J is for Jovial, Joyful, JollyGood
For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.
Thrive – Arianna Huffington
In Thrive, Arianna Huffington, the co-founder and editor-in-chief of the Huffington Post and one of the most influential women in the world, has written a passionate call to arms, looking to redefine what it means to be successful in today’s world. I loved this book. She writes about the need for quality sleep and since reading it I’ve made a true commitment to go to bed earlier. It’s like magic having 8+ hours and feeling like WonderWoman in the morning as a result.
At this time of the year, sleep is more key than ever – key to enjoying our year-end, key to being present for our friends and family AND key to being able to enter into the New Year with gusto and intention.
She likens our drive for money and power to two legs of a three-legged stool. It may hold us up temporarily, but sooner or later we’re going to topple over. We need a third leg – a Third Metric for defining success – in order to live a healthy, productive, and meaningful life.
Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite
Say what you mean in the moment!
I was at an Event recently supporting a colleague in a private bank in London. I saw a familiar face go by who said “Hello there” to me. Hmmm. Was it a friend? Had I met him somewhere and couldn’t recall? My brain was saying “Kay, I think that’s a rock legend”. But who?
By going on to Google I realised I’d just seen the legend that is Robert Plant who was the snake-hipped lead singer of Led Zeppelin. He appeared again and crossed the foyer and off I went. I shook his hand and quietly told him that I did some of my best early days snogging to Stairway to Heaven and Whole Lotta Love in my teens… he laughed and said he was very pleased to know the music had worked that way.
Whilst I needed a lie down after that I realised I had probably made his day. Rather than going on about how great he was and how overwhelmed I was to meet him (boring) I told him what his music meant to me at a key time in my life (more interesting) and he most definitely still had a twinkle in his eyes too.
Known as the Smart Career Moves Mentor for Ambitious Corporate Career Women, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.
Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.
Kay’s clients learn how to present themselves most effectively at work and to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.
Comfortable on her feet, Kay regularly hosts Live Events (for 5 years, her annual 3-Day Live Event – Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE – has shown corporate career women how to attract promotion, recognition and rewards, all without selling their souls).
Kay is author of the two International Number 1 Best-Sellers, “The A to Z of Being Understood” and the recently launched “It’s Always Your Move” – you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com
Living close to London with rescue sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, much of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.
Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he knows he’s part of the pack.