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Positive Linking eZine: December 15, 2017
Volume 164 | 15 December 2017
Hello there %$firstname$%,
We’ve had a very sociable time of late. Each year we host a Christmas ‘Drinkypoos’ as we call it and invite our friends and family to join us for a glass of something and we’ve done this now for 11 years. It’s lovely to see people recognise each other and their children enjoy playing about together when they see each other and it’s all through the consistency of hosting our party. We did have a few dicey moments with kiddies tinkering with our Christmas lights but they stopped when I used my hound-related “Hey! Stop That” phrase. Everyone froze!
Each year we wrestle with the ‘Oh my goodness’ of all the preparation and planning of it all. Then, in the thick of it with glasses clinking and people laughing and being in great conversation, each year we know it’s worth it for so many reasons. We wouldn’t decorate our house as soon as we do with all our Christmas bits and bobs so we get to live in a sparkly Grotto for a whole month %$firstname$%.
It’s easy to think there’s too many logistics involved at times isn’t it %$firstname$%, just like our party, being part of something and adding your presence to the mix is a gift in and of itself. Snowy and I agreed to adopt the ‘take 5 seconds’ rule for our Christmas party prep. Before getting irritated or being snappy about the logistics of it all, you count to 5. In those 5 seconds you decide IF or how you’ll respond. Not react. It worked and was so worth it.
Do enjoy your year-end Festive Season and, as my client Diane says, “I hope it’s full of the things you love the most”. Truly. Here’s me with my sister and PA – two very special women in my life.
Oh and talking of Festive, for the whole of December I decided to wear sequins every single day. So far, 15 days in, I have. Easy. More thinking and ideas for you early in 2018. A well-earned energetic pause for us all in between times.
Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.
Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,
Let’s connect even more
PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.
YOUR 2017 Year End Review & 2018 Planning Guide
Give yourself the gift of YOUR OWN Year-End Review.
It would be easy to just keep going and dive in to 2018 without taking the lessons, messages and developments from your 2017 with you.
I’ve created 2 special 2018 Career-Accelerating tools for you.
1. YOUR 2017 Year-End Review & 2018 Planning Guide. Carefully-crafted questions for you to capture your evolution and developments from 2017. Combine these with a way to plan for what you want in 2018. All together in one nifty, yours-to-keep document.
This is you giving yourself your own Year End Review – not your company’s, nor your boss’s. Yours %$firstname$%.
2. PLUS – in January 2018, let me show you how to Ask for what you want. Take the goals and clarity you’ve achieved from the Planning Guide and put them into action by learning strategic ways to Ask. Not wait, hint and hope. Ask and expect to receive. Register for both these 2018 career-accelerating tools below.
It’s like your own personalised, intentional GPS. How do you know where you’re going if you don’t review and understand where you are AND where you’ve been. Let’s do this together. I do this every single year….
Zip It And Assertively Wait
Masterful Inactivity Isn’t Passive….it’s a choice
How to zip-it and give yourself breathing space. How to respond and how to avoid just reacting.
This is a tricky one for so many of us. Wait. Pause. Think a bit. Choose if you’re going to act; to respond. To ‘Zip it’ is such a useful little phrase and it’s easy to remember. It’s an active choice rather than a passive stance.
It’s so easy to assume we have to respond, to fire back after receiving a message, a phone call, and an email and just respond – straight away. Either ‘shooting from the lip’ or, when writing, ‘shooting from the fingertip’.
So, instead of the flaming arrow you might send which can end up costing a lot of time and money in confusion and back-tracking, why not try a bit of ‘Masterful Inactivity’, which is zipping it in action, or really in chosen and considered inaction. One of my clients named it that and it’s perfect as a mindset. Masterful inactivity in action.
There’s a difference you see. Ignoring things has no energy to it. It’s passive. Whereas ‘Masterful inactivity’, has some energy about it. It’s a decision to wait; to pause; to Zip-It; sometimes to just wait and see how things pan out before responding or acting. Other times just to breathe or to sleep on it. Other times to just let it be and let the other person go or certainly let their ‘vibe’ quieten down.
Instead of responding to those flaming-arrow types of email or urgently urgent phone calls, wait. We have to recognise an emergency and act on it, of course, but most of the time others’ urgencies don’t have to become our emergencies, do they?
Often the person sending the message will either chase you up or – more often than not – call you to follow up or apologise. They often sort out the thing that they pounced on you to do and, if they don’t, then you now have a choice. By waiting, pausing – even if it’s just for 5 minutes – you also give yourself time to breathe. Take time to consider and you often take the energy, frustration and heat out of your own response.
When someone says something to you and you feel the ‘arrrgghh’ of frustration rise up or, often worse, the sarcastic voice which is so easy to use for your response, instead of going with it, wait. Pause. Sometimes you don’t even have to comment and it’s often far more powerful if you don’t. You remember to breathe and you wait. It’s like letting the air go out of it!
If you decide in that moment that you will adopt a bit of ‘masterful inactivity’ then you’ve made a decision as opposed to reacted. Different. The other person will often be surprised by your silence. Also as their own heat dissipates, they may re-think their decision or opinion. You, on the other hand, decided to just park it for a while.
This works just as well in our social lives too. Think of all the opportunities you have to Zip it at home – especially at the heightened emotional, excitement of Christmas time.
3 tips to take on and try
Be on the lookout for opportunities to adopt masterful inactivity today. When you open an email, read it and then maybe put it into a file you create called ‘Masterful Inactivity’. You can then keep an easy eye on when and how you respond, and it’s easy to keep track of any you decide to file here.
Decide if you’re going to respond to someone or something. Notice how you decide. Are you thinking things through? Are you reacting to someone else’s crisis or demand at the price of your own concentration, your own flow? You may just decide to zip it. Stay quiet. Wait. Let go of having to always be involved.
Notice other people and how they react or respond. You’ll realise that a lot of people do zip it and watch, wait and see. Watch how they do it and, depending on how you feel, ask them about it.
Not a new idea I know but it’s one that works. Seneca, the Roman philosopher (5BC – 65AD) said “It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence.” “It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence.”Whilst the year-end break doesn’t necessarily imply silence, sometimes applying that 5 second response rule really makes for a merrier, more peaceful time. Always a blessing.
Enough said %$firstname$%.
This article is extracted from my number 1 best-selling book ‘The A to Z of Being Understood. Z is for Zip-It.
Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?
Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it: “Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.
Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”
To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.
“Kay gets right to the heart of the matter.”
We often struggle telling our clients ‘No’ and in a way that they feel heard but at the same time letting them know we are standing our ground. Kay gets right to the heart of the matter in a clear, informative and engaging way.
When I heard Kay say that she teaches people how to be savvy communicators I knew that at a gut level that this is exactly what I need – I told her “Holy crap I need that”.
Kay has a great response for every kind of situation and I’m now am able to be more concise and direct, confident and kind.”
—PEGGY MURRAH, ONLINE BUSINESS MANAGER
Pis for Peggy AND for Pragmatic, Personal, Profitable
For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day.
Finding Your Space
During your year-end “Silly Season” as some people call it, you’ll not doubt be asked to do all sorts of things which, at first thought, you might not want to do. What I find is that if I over give of my time, energy, emotion, presence I find myself feeling empty and exhausted. It’s the introvert in me who I know and like and now, who I know what she needs!
If you have the sense that you can be sometimes a little wrung out I invite you to do what I do. Tell (not ask) your closest that “I’m going to take 10 minutes to just walk around the block/read/listen to a podcast and reboot myself. I know you’ll understand”. It’s a way of asking for what you need but without having to ask. I’ll share more about how to do this at work on the call I’m hosting on 18th January (see What’s Happening above to Register) but for now, give yourself the gift of saying what you need. Then, as they say, party on!
Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite
Consider your workspace and your view!
Do you look around when you’re working and feel inspired or pleased or comforted by what you see? Few people do and it’s like magic when you place objects which please you, calm you, ground you in your work area.
You don’t have to overdo it but just a couple of pictures, a calendar which you like to look at, move piles of paper and er, crap, which might clutter up your workspace. If it’s your personal office then you can do what inspires you. Wallpaper, lighting, mirrors, all to please you. If it’s your corporate space, you can still make it more pleasing on the eye and on your energy.
When I revamped mine I changed my working day. I truly love Sparkle Central now. Before it was just an office I ‘had’ to be in, now it’s an experience and such a calm space to be with a chandelier, mirrors, candles… Oh, and it is a Corner Office too (and, if you need convincing, I trebled my income the year I upgraded everything in it, including myself.)
Here’s a picture of what I look at as I craft workshops, write articles, host private client calls in remodelled Sparkle Central. I used to look at a crappy wall. This is the Festive version!
I wonder what will inspire your office space %$firstname$%? It’s a good time to declutter and change things around and notice what you notice when you do..
Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert for Ambitious Women in Business, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.
Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.
Kay’s clients learn how to present themselves most effectively at work and to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.
Comfortable on her feet, Kay regularly hosts Live Events (for 5 years, her annual 3-Day Live Event – Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE – has shown corporate career women how to attract promotion, recognition and rewards, all without selling their souls). Stay tuned for news about a suite of Day of Magic Experience Events.
Kay is author of the Number 1 Best-Seller “The A to Z of Being Understood” and you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com
Living close to London with rescue sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, much of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside. Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he knows he’s part of the pack.