Where do I send your free 30-minute audio ‘Do You Have Trouble Saying No?’
to show you how to assert firm boundaries with confidence PLUS your POWER List—over 1,200 words and phrases to add influence to your language and quickly attract attention? ALSO receive more tips in my bi-monthly eZine and unsubscribe at any time.
Positive Linking eZine: December 18, 2015
Volume 124 | 18 December 2015
Hello there %$firstname$%,
We’ve had a very sociable time of late. Each year we host a Christmas ‘Drinkypoos’ as we call it and invite our friends and family to join us for a glass of something and we’ve done this now for 10 years. It’s lovely to see people recognise each other and their children enjoy playing about together when they see each other and it’s all through the consistency of hosting our party.
Each year I wrestle with the ‘Oh my goodness’ of all the preparation and planning of it all. Then, in the thick of it with glasses clinking and people laughing and being in great conversation, each year I know it’s worth it for so many reasons. We wouldn’t decorate our house as soon as we do with all our Christmas bits and bobs so we get to live in a sparkly Grotto for a whole month %$firstname$%.
This weekend was all about celebrating Jenny and Andy’s wedding. My friend Joan and I walk our dogs most mornings, come rain or shine and instead of wearing wellies and a raincoat, I brought out the sequins to celebrate her daughter Jenny’s wedding. I even met a piano-playing hound there.
I don’t know about you %$firstname$% but it’s such an honour to be invited to share in celebrations like this and to be part of someone’s special day. It’s easy to think there’s too many logistics involved at times but, just like our party, being part of something and adding your presence to the mix is a gift in and of itself. Do enjoy your Festive Season and, as my client Diane says, “I hope it’s full of the things you love the most”. Truly.
Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.
Warmly to you %$firstname$%,
Let’s connect even more
PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.
Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™
3-Day LIVE Event 2016
Shall I keep you posted?
If you know you need to step up and accelerate your success at work AND allow yourself to be seen, valued and heard – do be there in 2016. Here’s the date and it will be in London again.
Oh and below, here’s a quick video showing a little of what happened in March this year and what you’ve got in store in 2016. Take a few moments to see what comes up for ambitious women like you and what happens when you put yourself into an intentional space like this.
Zip It And Assertively Wait
Stop shooting from the lip
How to zip-it and give yourself breathing space
This is a tricky one for so many of us. Wait. Pause. Think a bit. Choose if Moneyyou’re going to act; to respond. To ‘Zip it’ is such a useful little phrase and it’s easy to remember.
It’s so easy to assume we have to respond, to fire back after receiving a message, a phone call, and an email and just respond – straight away. Either ‘shooting from the lip’ or, when writing, ‘shooting from the fingertip’.
So, instead of the flaming arrow you might send which can end up costing a lot of time and money in confusion and back-tracking, why not try a bit of ‘Masterful inactivity’, which is zipping it in action, or really in chosen and considered inaction. One of my clients named it that and it’s perfect as a mindset. Masterful inactivity in action.
There’s a difference you see. Ignoring things has no energy to it. It’s passive. Whereas ‘Masterful inactivity’, has some energy about it. It’s a decision to wait; to pause; to Zip-It; sometimes to just wait and see how things pan out before responding or acting. Other times just to breathe or to sleep on it. Other times to just let it be and let the other person go or certainly let their ‘vibe’ quieten down.
Instead of responding to those flaming-arrow types of email or urgently urgent phone calls, wait. We have to recognise an emergency and act on it, of course, but most of the time others’ urgencies don’t have to become our emergencies, do they?
Often the person sending the message will either chase you up or – more often than not – call you to follow up or apologise. They often sort out the thing that they pounced on you to do and, if they don’t, then you now have a choice. By waiting, pausing – even if it’s just for 5 minutes – you also give yourself time to breathe. Take time to consider and you often take the energy, frustration and heat out of your own response.
When someone says something to you and you feel the ‘arrrgghh’ of frustration rise up or, often worse, the sarcastic voice which is so easy to use for your response, instead of going with it, wait. Pause. Sometimes you don’t even have to comment and it’s often far more powerful if you don’t. You remember to breathe and you wait. It’s like letting the air go out of it!
If you decide in that moment that you will adopt a bit of ‘masterful inactivity’ then you’ve made a decision as opposed to reacted. Different. The other person will often be surprised by your silence. Also as their own heat dissipates, they may re-think their decision or opinion. You, on the other hand, decided to just park it for a while.
This works just as well in our social lives too. Think of all the opportunities you have to Zip it at home – especially at Christmas time.
3 tips to take on and try
Be on the lookout for opportunities to adopt masterful inactivity today. When you open an email, read it and then maybe put it into a file you create called ‘Masterful Inactivity’. You can then keep an easy eye on when and how you respond, and it’s easy to keep track of any you decide to file here.
Decide if you’re going to respond to someone or something. Notice how you decide. Are you thinking things through? Are you reacting to someone else’s crisis or demand at the price of your own concentration, your own flow? You may just decide to zip it. Stay quiet. Wait. Let go of having to always be involved.
Notice other people and how they react or respond. You’ll realise that a lot of people do zip it and watch, wait and see. Watch how they do it and, depending on how you feel, ask them about it.
Not a new idea I know but it’s one that works. Seneca, the Roman philosopher (5BC – 65AD) said “It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence.” “It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence.”
Enough said %$firstname$%.
This article is extracted from my number 1 best-selling book ‘The A to Z of Being Understood. Z is for Zip-It.
Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?
Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it: “Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.
Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”
To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.
Managing Director, Banking Sector.
“I know I’m richer as a result of being here.” Samar attended my Live Event and shares her experience.
“I was intrigued by the title of the Event, “Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard!” The idea of having access to all the like-minded professional women Kay attracts really motivated me to come. I didn’t want it to end!
I’ve learned so much about myself both from Kay and what she shares and from the generous sharing of other women in the audience. I would never have got access to the sorts of things I’ve learned if I hadn’t had the sense to come here.
I know I’m richer as a result of being here. I’ve opened up to how I can do things differently to realise my potential, be a better person, earn more money and really be much happier in myself.
Kay’s so thoughtful and understands what you need before you do and she’s very warm, real and really, really great fun! Be open – what have you got to lose? For a small investment you can get huge access to ways to be truly extraordinary – learn from Kay.”
Sis for Samar, Strategic, Smart and Sparkly – AND just promoted, again!
For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.
YOUR 2015 Year End Review & 2016 Planning Guide
Give yourself the gift of YOUR OWN Year-End Review.
It’s easy to just keep going and dive in to 2016 without taking the lessons, messages and developments from your 2015 with you. It’s all very well taking part in your organisation’s Year End Reviews. What about You? What about what YOU want, now? Personally as well as professionally.
I’ve created 2 special 2016 Career-Accelerating tools for you.
YOUR 2015 Year-End Review & 2016 Planning Guide. Carefully-crafted questions for you to capture your evolution and developments from 2015. Combine these with a way to plan for what you want in 2016. All together in one nifty, yours-to-keep document.
PLUS – in January 2016, let me show you how to Ask for what you want. Take the goals you have and put them into action by learning strategic ways to ask. Not wait, hint and hope. Ask and expect to receive.
Do you look around you when you’re working and feel inspired or pleased, comforted by what you see? Few people do and it’s like magic when you place objects which please you, calm you, ground you in your work area.
You don’t have to overdo it but just a couple of pictures, a calendar which you like to look at, move piles of paper and er, crap, which might clutter up your workspace. If it’s your personal office then you can do what inspires you. Wallpaper, lighting, mirrors, all to please you. If it’s your corporate space, you can still make it more pleasing on the eye and on your energy.
When I revamped mine I changed my working day. I truly love Sparkle Central now. Before it was just an office I ‘had’ to be in, now it’s an experience and such a calm space to be with a chandelier, mirrors, candles… Oh, and it is a Corner Office too (and, if you need convincing, I trebled my income the year I upgraded everything in it, including myself.)
Here’s a picture of what I look at as I craft workshops, write articles, host private client calls in remodelled Sparkle Central. I used to look at a crappy wall!
I wonder what will inspire your office space %$firstname$%? It’s a good time to declutter and change things around and notice what you notice when you do.
Kay White works with experienced, ambitious career women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to get noticed, promoted and rewarded at work.
Kay combines private one-on-one, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, live speaking and hosts her own annual 3-day Live Event ’Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE” in London. She also hosts her weekly Podcast Radio Show downloadable from her site or on iTunes.
Using insights from her own +20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities.
Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’ and Founder of Way Forward Solutions Ltd, a multiple 6-figure private coaching & mentoring company. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.
During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers. Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.
Kay and her husband live close to London with their sighthounds, DeeDee & Pharaoh. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.