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Positive Linking eZine: December 4, 2015
Volume 123 | 4 December 2015
Hello there %$firstname$%,
Well, you know how sometimes you just know what’s best for you and it doesn’t always have to include your nearest and dearest? After an intense couple of working weeks involving a couple of dinners (on a school night) this weekend Snowy and I kicked back. On Saturday, Snowy and his friends James and Phil went off to see a madcap car show at London’s O2 involving high octane, explosions, £6 million+ worth of cars and lots of, hmmm, motorbikes and testosterone.
I, on the other hand, went off for some retail therapy and quite a few glasses of Veuve Clicquot with James’ partner Sarah. What was so funny %$firstname$% was how we all said our ‘other halves’ would hate every minute of what we were doing and how much better off we all were in our respective places. This picture is of Sarah and me in the Summertime, doing a similar thing then too.
Even though Snowy and I celebrated our 14-year wedding anniversary in November by going to see 007 (Snowy loves the Aston Martin and I rather like Daniel Craig so everyone’s happy) we still do a lot of things separately which works for us. (The picture below was drawn by my 19-year old niece Grace when she was 5. We still look quite similar in certain lights!)
It’s so easy to think you have to all do and like the same things. I have many friends who want me to go to late-night dinners or clubs and I have a handy one-liner which is both truthful and effective “thank you so much for thinking of me and I love that you want me to be there and I’ll have to give this a miss this time around”.
Think of all the social things coming up for you over the year-end and, like me, decide where you’re best off being. Sometimes, you giving something a miss gives someone else the opportunity whilst you go off and do something else instead. Being self-ish, thinking about yourself and what you actually want rather than saying “Yes” to what you feel pressurised to do, is something I believe we owe ourselves.
Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.
Warmly to you %$firstname$%,
Let’s connect even more
PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.
Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™
3-Day LIVE Event 2016
Shall I keep you posted?
If you know you need to step up and accelerate your success at work AND allow yourself to be seen, valued and heard – do be there in 2016. Here’s the date and it will be in London again.
Oh and below, here’s a quick video showing a little of what happened in March this year and what you’ve got in store in 2016. Take a few moments to see what comes up for ambitious women like you and what happens when you put yourself into an intentional space like this.
Just go to bed %$firstname$%
Decide what works for YOU then, politely and firmly go and do it.
Have you ever said “Yes OK” when you know you mean “No way”? Well, I know I have and now, I rarely do.
Listening to a group of experienced, professional and successful women recently, the discussion was around how to go off to bed, go off and exercise, go off and be quiet, go off and sleep when you want to when you’re away on business. If you’re out either socialising or out at a work-related engagement, the question was how to manage your time and energy with other people pulling you in a direction and telling you what you ‘should’ do.
If this sounds familiar to you well firstly, you’re not alone and secondly you owe it to yourself and your precious life energy to learn how to decide what works best for you and then politely, assertively tell others that’s what’s happening. Not apologising or squirming in any way. Just assertively put a boundary around the time you need using your energy and a few key words.
You may be someone who is always up for one more drink, one more conversation, another game of cards, one more – whatever. That’s great and I really admire it, on one level. I find though, I get to a stage, especially when I’m travelling away from home, when I need to go off. Enough is enough and I’m ready for bed, for a rest, for a swim, to make a call, to be quiet.
I’m sure you know what I mean and then there’s the pull from others.
“Oh come on, stay and have another X” or
“Don’t be a party pooper, let’s go and have a Y” or – worse –
“Oh you’re so boring, we’re just getting going and you’ll miss all the fun”
Well, I know and use a few choice words, an energetic stance and then you can quietly – and assertively – go. I do.
Try these on for size if you imagine being at a conference, an event, a party and you’re told you must stay when you know it’s time to go:
“Thank you so much ‘person’s name’, I know you’ll have a brilliant time and I’m off to my bed so I can be on the ball in the morning. Have a great time” as you start to move, hold your hand out, smile and then, literally go.
“You have a drink for me ‘person’s name’ and I’m going to go for a swim now so we can enjoy dinner together this evening. See you at the bar at 7pm” as you pack up your things, stand up and start to head away intentionally.
“I’d love to and thanks for asking me – I’m going to make a few calls first and then I may join you later” as you smile and move without apologising or feeling awkward.
What’s interesting in moments like these is how much better you feel being firm about what you want or need and not being told what you’ll do. You’ll also often find others wish they’d said the same thing as you but felt compelled to go along instead.
As a professional woman who knows building relationships is a key part of your success, you also need to know what you need. If it’s peace, space, rest, sleep then, it’s yours for the taking.
Going the extra mile when all you want it quiet is self-defeating and sometimes, as Walt Disney said “you have to leave them wanting more”.
Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?
Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it: “Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.
Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”
To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.
Zoe N, IT Exec. International UK-Based Charity (and Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE Participant)
“You can make your day-to-day communication more effective to help you feel more confident and strong.”
“Moving from the corporate world of Financial PR in London, to the not for profit sector in the South West of the UK has been a sea change for me.
Kay’s mentoring helped me get to grips with a totally different set of motivational drivers in the workplace, and build on my shared belief that reciprocation and communication are key to working life successes. The results continue to amaze me! She helped me land a senior role in an internationally active charity whose objectives I am an ardent supporter of.
Kay and what she shares is a constant source of inspiration and so are her insights into how you can make your day-to-day communication more effective to help you feel more confident, valuable and strong.”
Zis for Zoe, Zing, Zenith and, er, Zipperdeedooda!
For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.
VIP Half Day Together
(Only ONE spot available now)
Since being told regularly “I need to work privately with you Kay – I can’t get ahead at work, I’m stuck” or “I’m missing out on opportunities because people don’t see the value of what I do” – I’ve introduced the opportunity of focussed, one-to-one VIP half-days with me.
We’re able to dig in together and work on exactly the piece you need there and then. Approach 2016 with more confidence, certainty and conviction and together let’s:
Carry out Career Path Audit so you understand your evolution
Prepare yourself for promotion – why now and what do you offer and what’s it worth?
Craft important emails, applications or personal statements using influence and persuasion
Follow my tried & tested steps to finally write a CV/Resume which attracts opportunities and makes your value shine through. Let me show you the words to use and why at the same time.
Plan Interview strategies and follow up confidently afterwards so you’re both assertive and persuasive
All personalised just for you. We get together either in person, on the phone %$firstname$% or on Skype. Clients always get a clear step-by-step plan and a sense of being “rewired and rebooted” ready to show up in 2016 in a more confident, credible way. A recent VIP meeting led to my client being offered 4 different career opportunities because of the strength of her CV.
To find out more about if and how a VIP Half-Day with me will work for you, virtually or in person, please just get in touch with Amanda, my Assistant and put “VIP” in the title, and she’ll quickly send you an Application. From there, we’ll get together on a private call and both decide if and how it makes sense for us to work together in this way within the next 4 weeks. Before Christmas you could give yourself the gift of a real career boost.
As a quick tip to broaden your language and add some spice and variety to it, one of the most powerful – and simple – things is to use more of is your Thesaurus! I use mine all the time. Really – all the time.
It sounds so obvious and in some ways antiquated but if you right-click on your mouse on any computer, it will bring up either the Dictionary or the Thesaurus. Just by using this more you’ll get the meaning behind the words you use and may over-use, find others and juice up your language. It’s a big piece of being noticed and of being more engaging to others.
As a regular business traveller and – when possible – a pleasure traveller too I always roll, rather than fold my clothes. It works on so many levels.
They take up less room so you can take more things with you, they unroll without fold marks and it’s actually quicker and easier to prepare them for your case. Folding can be fiddly and time-consuming. Rolling is quick and easy. Two great words to recommend something.
Try rolling your clothes %$firstname$%, it really, really works hence it being your savvy style and sparkly soundbite for this Edition.
Kay White works with experienced, ambitious career women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to get noticed, promoted and rewarded at work.
Kay combines private one-on-one, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, live speaking and hosts her own annual 3-day Live Event ’Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE” in London. She also hosts her weekly Podcast Radio Show downloadable from her site or on iTunes.
Using insights from her own +20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities.
Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’ and Founder of Way Forward Solutions Ltd, a multiple 6-figure private coaching & mentoring company. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.
During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers. Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.
Kay and her husband live close to London with their sighthounds, Pharaoh & DeeDee. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.