Positive Linking eZine: December 9, 2016

kay white enewsletter

Volume 144 |  9 December 2016  

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Hello There

Hello there %$firstname$%,

We’ve had a very sociable time of late. Each year we host a Christmas ‘Drinkypoos’ as we call it and invite our friends and family to join us for a glass of something and we’ve done this now for 11 years. It’s lovely to see people recognise each other and their children enjoy playing about together when they see each other and it’s all through the consistency of hosting our party. We did have a few dicey moments with kiddies tinkering with our Christmas lights but they stopped when I used my hound-related “Hey! Stop That” phrase. Everyone froze!

Each year we wrestle with the ‘Oh my goodness’ of all the preparation and planning of it all. Then, in the thick of it with glasses clinking and people laughing and being in great conversation, each year we know it’s worth it for so many reasons. We wouldn’t decorate our house as soon as we do with all our Christmas bits and bobs so we get to live in a sparkly Grotto for a whole month %$firstname$%.

I also went off to my 8 year old Goddaughter, Beatrice’s Nativity Play. She played The Innkeeper’s Wife and was so excited about being part of it all. We then took off for supper and a little girly Christmas shopping together.

It’s easy to think there’s too many logistics involved at times isn’t it %$firstname$%, just like our party, being part of something and adding your presence to the mix is a gift in and of itself.

Do enjoy your year-end Festive Season and, as my client Diane says, “I hope it’s full of the things you love the most”. Truly. Oh and talking of Festive, Jeffrey, our youngest, peskiest hound, decided that shredding my new Gold Star balcony garlands looked like fun. I was out so didn’t have a chance to shout “Hey! Stop that” on that occasion.

Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.

Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,


Let’s connect even more

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PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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What's Happening

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™

3-Day LIVE Event 2017

I believe in setting an intention and going with it %$firstname$%. If you wished you could have been there with us this year and know you need to be there in 2017, here’s the date and it will be in London again. The contract for the room is close to being signed and, already, women are telling me “I’m coming next year – I know I need to be there”.

So. Just saying. If you do too, now you know the when. The ‘how’ will work itself out….. 5, 6, 7 October 2017.


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Zip It And Assertively Wait

Masterful Inactivity Isn’t Passive….

How to zip-it and give yourself breathing space

This is a tricky one for so many of us. Wait. Pause. Think a bit. Choose if Moneyyou’re going to act; to respond. To ‘Zip it’ is such a useful little phrase and it’s easy to remember.

It’s so easy to assume we have to respond, to fire back after receiving a message, a phone call, and an email and just respond – straight away. Either ‘shooting from the lip’ or, when writing, ‘shooting from the fingertip’. Money

So, instead of the flaming arrow you might send which can end up costing a lot of time and money in confusion and back-tracking, why not try a bit of ‘Masterful inactivity’, which is zipping it in action, or really in chosen and considered inaction. One of my clients named it that and it’s perfect as a mindset. Masterful inactivity in action.

There’s a difference you see. Ignoring things has no energy to it. It’s passive. Whereas ‘Masterful inactivity’, has some energy about it. It’s a decision to wait; to pause; to Zip-It; sometimes to just wait and see how things pan out before responding or acting. Other times just to breathe or to sleep on it. Other times to just let it be and let the other person go or certainly let their ‘vibe’ quieten down.

Instead of responding to those flaming-arrow types of email or urgently urgent phone calls, wait. We have to recognise an emergency and act on it, of course, but most of the time others’ urgencies don’t have to become our emergencies, do they?

Often the person sending the message will either chase you up or – more often than not – call you to follow up or apologise. They often sort out the thing that they pounced on you to do and, if they don’t, then you now have a choice. By waiting, pausing – even if it’s just for 5 minutes – you also give yourself time to breathe. Take time to consider and you often take the energy, frustration and heat out of your own response.

shhhWhen someone says something to you and you feel the ‘arrrgghh’ of frustration rise up or, often worse, the sarcastic voice which is so easy to use for your response, instead of going with it, wait. Pause. Sometimes you don’t even have to comment and it’s often far more powerful if you don’t. You remember to breathe and you wait. It’s like letting the air go out of it!

If you decide in that moment that you will adopt a bit of ‘masterful inactivity’ then you’ve made a decision as opposed to reacted. Different. The other person will often be surprised by your silence. Also as their own heat dissipates, they may re-think their decision or opinion. You, on the other hand, decided to just park it for a while.

This works just as well in our social lives too. Think of all the opportunities you have to Zip it at home – especially at the heightened emotional, excitement of Christmas time.

3 tips to take on and try

  • Be on the lookout for opportunities to adopt masterful inactivity today. When you open an email, read it and then maybe put it into a file you create called ‘Masterful Inactivity’. You can then keep an easy eye on when and how you respond, and it’s easy to keep track of any you decide to file here.

  • Decide if you’re going to respond to someone or something. Notice how you decide. Are you thinking things through? Are you reacting to someone else’s crisis or demand at the price of your own concentration, your own flow? You may just decide to zip it. Stay quiet. Wait. Let go of having to always be involved.

  • Notice other people and how they react or respond. You’ll realise that a lot of people do zip it and watch, wait and see. Watch how they do it and, depending on how you feel, ask them about it.

Not a new idea I know but it’s one that works. Seneca, the Roman philosopher (5BC – 65AD) said “It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence.” “It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence.”

Enough said %$firstname$%.

This article is extracted from my number 1 best-selling book ‘The A to Z of Being Understood. Z is for Zip-It.

I’d love to hear what you think. You can leave me a comment or a note here.

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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:
“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.

Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”

To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.

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Managing Director, Banking Sector.

“I know I’m richer as a result of being here.” Samar attended my Live Event and shares her experience.

I was intrigued by the title of the Event, “Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard!” The idea of having access to all the like-minded professional women Kay attracts really motivated me to come. I didn’t want it to end!

I’ve learned so much about myself both from Kay and what she shares and from the generous sharing of other women in the audience. I would never have got access to the sorts of things I’ve learned if I hadn’t had the sense to come here.

I know I’m richer as a result of being here. I’ve opened up to how I can do things differently to realise my potential, be a better person, earn more money and really be much happier in myself.

Kay’s so thoughtful and understands what you need before you do and she’s very warm, real and really, really great fun! Be open – what have you got to lose? For a small investment you can get huge access to ways to be truly extraordinary – learn from Kay.

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S is for Samar, Strategic, Smart and Sparkly – AND just promoted, again!

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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YOUR 2016 Year End Review & 2017 Planning Guide

Give yourself the gift of YOUR OWN Year-End Review.

It’s easy to just keep going and dive in to 2017 without taking the lessons, messages and developments from your 2016 with you.

I’ve created 2 special 2017 Career-Accelerating tools for you.

1.     YOUR 2016 Year-End Review & 2017 Planning Guide. Carefully-crafted questions for you to capture your evolution and developments from 2016. Combine these with a way to plan for what you want in 2017. All together in one nifty, yours-to-keep document.

2.     PLUS – in January 2017, let me show you how to Ask for what you want. Take the goals and clarity you’ve achieved from the Planning Guide and put them into action by learning strategic ways to ask. Not wait, hint and hope. Ask and expect to receive.

All the details are here for you.

Coping With Rejection TV Clip

I was so honoured to be the Guest Expert on Sky TV programme A Different Kind of Woman and the programme aired a couple of weeks ago. It was interesting to be part of putting a programme like this together and I’m meeting with the Producer next week to discuss ‘other things’. Watch this space!

You can see the clip now on YouTube and here’s the link to it.

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Consider your workspace and your view!

Do you look around when you’re working and feel inspired or pleased or comforted by what you see? Few people do and it’s like magic when you place objects which please you, calm you, ground you in your work area.

You don’t have to overdo it but just a couple of pictures, a calendar which you like to look at, move piles of paper and er, crap, which might clutter up your workspace. If it’s your personal office then you can do what inspires you. Wallpaper, lighting, mirrors, all to please you. If it’s your corporate space, you can still make it more pleasing on the eye and on your energy.

When I revamped mine I changed my working day. I truly love Sparkle Central now. Before it was just an office I ‘had’ to be in, now it’s an experience and such a calm space to be with a chandelier, mirrors, candles… Oh, and it is a Corner Office too (and, if you need convincing, I trebled my income the year I upgraded everything in it, including myself.)

Here’s a picture of what I look at as I craft workshops, write articles, host private client calls in remodelled Sparkle Central. I used to look at a crappy wall. This is the Festive version!

I wonder what will inspire your office space %$firstname$%? It’s a good time to declutter and change things around and notice what you notice when you do.

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About Kay

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert for Ambitious Women in Business, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.

Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.

Kay’s clients learn how to present themselves most effectively at work and to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.

Hosting an annual 3-day Live Event for corporate career women “Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE” Kay encourages and shows women how to be the best, most valuable version of themselves so they’re ready to be paid what their worth and go for what they want with certainty. Crucially too, how to have more ease and more fun as you plan your way forward.

Kay is author of the Number 1 Best-Seller “The A to Z of Being Understood” and you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com

Living close to London with sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, lots of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside. Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he’s part of the pack.

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