Where do I send your free 30-minute audio ‘Do You Have Trouble Saying No?’
to show you how to assert firm boundaries with confidence PLUS your POWER List—over 1,200 words and phrases to add influence to your language and quickly attract attention? ALSO receive more tips in my bi-monthly eZine and unsubscribe at any time.
Positive Linking eZine: February 23, 2018
Volume 167 | 23 February 2018
Hello there %$firstname$%,
I said “Yes” to something LONG before I was ready. Last year I was invited to be a ‘special guest drummer’ again for a band’s live gig here in London. It was to be in February 2018. It’s now, this very week. Yesterday in fact, as you receive this eZine. Gulp.
When I first dared myself to say “Ok, yes, let’s do it” I had no idea of the track, no idea what it will be like to play live and had only just started playing the drums – or let me say – learning the drums, a few months prior. Here’s the thing though. When you take a calculated risk on your skills and abilities, you rise up to meet them. I know I have. I’ve practiced, I’ve wailed to my long-suffering drum teacher Neil “I don’t think I can do it” and he’s met me with a “Yes of course you can. Focus.” So %$firstname$%, I have. Last year I played one track and this year I’m playing two and one of them still foxes me but I just have to trust myself.
As someone who always loved the back beat (it’s a little like my work with career women showing them how to navigate to promotion and negotiate more money, there’s always a back beat going on and tuning in to it is where the magic is) and had talked about learning the drums for years – well, I had to get on and do it.
The band, called Last Ticket, are coming over from Germany. The venue will be new to me, the drum kit will be new to me, playing live in front of 300 people will be new to me again having only played that one time last year BUT, if you trust yourself and let go of perfection – which I do – I know I’ll be able to show up and sparkle whilst playing ‘Whiskey In The Jar’ by Metallica AND Doctor Doctor by UFO. It’s tested me and yet, on a scale of 1 to A&E which I experienced very shockingly in 2016, it’s been an easy Yes. I’ll let you know how I got on and what I learned next time!
In between practicing I’ve been hanging out with Snowy and his best buddies – I arranged a surprise party for him in one of our favourite restaurants in town. He had no idea as we showed up and sparkled for a ‘quiet dinner’ and all his friends were gathered for him.
Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.
Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,
Let’s connect even more
PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.
Writing My Second Book
Accountability is something I value myself – someone keeping an eye on your progress, paying attention to how you’re developing things you want to make happen – and I have a few Accountability Buddies now I’m writing my second book. You are one of them %$firstname$%!
I started writing the book on holiday on 28th January at 6.30am. The plan is to finish it on 4th July (no coincidence it’s Independence Day) and officially launch it on 4th October. I’ve already booked the Launch Party for the evening of 4th October and will invite clients, connections, friends, family to celebrate. Maybe that will include you?
Do you box yourself in and set a date for what you want to make happen %$firstname$%? I find it’s the most effective and inspiring (and kick-in-the-pants way) to keep me focussed and inspired. I’ll let you know as it evolves but I’m about to complete Chapter 1 of 8. 7 to go and then there’s the editing, cover and design process which takes ages but it’s all part of the ride of it all.
Like everything, you get out what you put in and I’m pouring my experience, client stories, strategies and inspirations into this book about continual, strategic career success for women. Stay tuned!
How & Why To Take A Chance on Yourself
Say “Yes” before you’re ready and then get ready…
There are so many ways to say something and every way means something different to your listener as you say it. Imagine you’re in a meeting and someone asks if anyone is able to take on a new project or put some figures together. You think to yourself, ‘I could probably do that’ but you may sit on that thought and say nothing and wait for someone else to offer or you may put yourself forward. The trick here is, if – or let’s say when – you do decide to step up and offer, it’s how you put yourself forward.
To use assertive, positive language when you’re going about your business sends a message, very clearly, to those around you that you’re someone who gets on with things and who can be trusted to do things.
A lot of people struggle with the difference between coming across as aggressive instead of assertive. Assertive is ‘self-confident, self-assured, firm’ and aggressive ‘hostile, belligerent, forceful’ and there’s a different energy about the two, of course there is.
As a savvy communicator, you’re going to be far more effective if you come across as clear, firm and self-confident as you go about your business, rather than belligerent or, almost worse, wishy-washy using indecisive language. It casts doubt.
Say ‘Yes’ before you’re ready is about trusting yourself and working out the details as you go. Not waiting until you know everything. By then, normally, someone else has jumped in and you’re still getting ready to get ready.
One of my friends used to say “When opportunity knocks, grab it by the forelock because the back of its head is bald”. Say “Yes” and work it out, get help and guidance, find out more – as you go.
So, you could offer to help on this new project in so many ways and depending on how you say it, your message lands differently:
‘I suppose I could do it’ – I suppose meaning I might be able to, if pushed. I could meaning I can, but I’m not saying I will
‘I might have some capacity to do it’ – I might doesn’t mean to say I will
‘I’ve got enough on my plate’ – unhelpful, defensive, bordering on stroppy
‘I’ll try to do it’ – I might be able to do it but I’m not really sure I’ll be able to
‘Leave it with me. I’ll do it.’ – I’m able to do it and I will do it << Yes, I’ll do it.
We all know which one of those simple phrases gives the most reassurance, gives the most credibility and which one you’d want to hear if you were asking for help. There’s a completely different energy about the last phrase – you can feel that the person saying it is capable and certain.
Being more assertive as you respond positions you with other people as someone who’s confident of their abilities, someone who can get things done, put forward for interesting projects, promotions, and then gets promoted.
Those 7 words ‘Leave it with me. I’ll do it’ will raise your game.
Hedging your bets with ‘might be able to’ will only put doubt in other people’s minds about whether you will or won’t and whether you’re capable. Someone else may get the chance and not you.
When you put yourself forward to do things you become someone who offers time, help and input, and to make it most effective for you use assertive, positive language. Leave as little doubt in people’s minds as possible.
Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?
Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it: “Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.
Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”
To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.
“I was a bull in a china shop”
“Before working with Kay I didn’t really have a problem with approaching people at work but I was in forthright scary “bull in a china shop” mode full time which wasn’t very helpful for anyone. Least of all me.
Kay’s helped me be more considered in my approach. Calm and clever. I’ve changed my language and how I present my ideas, especially the tricky stuff.
I understand more about what makes people tick and how to appreciate the other person has “stuff” going on which influences their relationship/interaction with you. I’m less defensive and negative.
I’ve developed a more rounded and mature ‘what’s possible’ approach/style at work which has been noticed and rewarded by senior managers and staff.
It’s much easier to get buy-in and say what needs to be said now. And that’s useful everywhere in my life, not just at work!”
—VICTORIA, SENIOR MANAGER, NHS, UK
Vis for Vivacious, Veritable, VaVaVoom
For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.
Do you work with Emotional Intelligence?
If you want to explore more about emotional states at work then look no further!
I read this book ‘Working with Emotional Intelligence’ by Daniel Goleman years ago when I first started my business in 2006. It’s one I recommend to you if you want to understand more about how your colleagues are behaving at work. It’s also great to understand more about how you yourself are behaving at work and why.
As I say and know to be true, you can’t control how people treat you but you can control how you respond.
Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite
Shine Bright Like A Diamond
Well, as someone who loves gems and bling in most forms, this is something I must share with you.
If you can find a little pot of this Exquisite Jewel Sparkle Dip do invest in it. It brings up your gold and stones to a clear, clean sparkle without any harm.
If you can’t find this then try just washing up liquid in a glass. Leave your jewels in there for about an hour and be amazed at the difference.
What’s the point in having something valuable and shiny and not allowing it to be it’s best?
A bit like yourself %$firstname$%.
Are you shiny and bright as you go about your business? If you know you could be much more …
Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert for Ambitious Women in Business, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.
Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.
Kay’s clients learn how to present themselves most effectively at work and to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.
Comfortable on her feet, Kay regularly hosts Live Events (for 5 years, her annual 3-Day Live Event – Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE – has shown corporate career women how to attract promotion, recognition and rewards, all without selling their souls). Stay tuned for news about a suite of Day of Magic Experience Events for 2018.
Kay is author of the Number 1 Best-Seller “The A to Z of Being Understood” and you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com
Living close to London with rescue sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, much of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.
Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he knows he’s part of the pack.