Positive Linking eZine: February 9, 2018

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Volume 166 | 9 February 2018

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Hello There

Hello there %$firstname$%,

Snowy and I’ve just returned from our 14th annual cheeky break in Barbados. It’s a treat we try to make happen each year to celebrate Snowy’s birthday and we’ve met and made so many friends there over the years. We go to the same hotel and yes, even stay in the same room. It truly feels like arriving home. Snowy was away in the US on business so I flew there on my own and had a couple of nights doing my own thing too. A testament to the friendly, family feel of the place we stay (and yes, I actually really like being on my own for a little of the time).

We skied most mornings with Ron who has been teaching us to waterski for a while now. I realised again this year is how many similarities there are between how you approach learning a new skill and the success you achieve in your business or career. Sometimes you have spectacular wipeouts with a face full of salt water but it’s how – and if – you get up and keep going which makes the difference. Snowy did a spectacular face plant as he cartwheeled out of his mono ski (and nearly his shorts) but got up again the next moment and carried on!

Having made so many friends over the years by meeting at the same time, same place – some have also turned into clients %$firstname$%. It just shows again about showing up and being open to what, and who, crosses your path. It’s also an example of sticking to what works for us rather than paying attention to those who say “Oooh, don’t you want to try somewhere new?” No thanks. You do your thing, we’ll do ours.

Remember %$firstname$%, always be true to yourself – no one else can be the unique, one-off, multi-faceted person you are! No one.

Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.

Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,


Let’s connect even more

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PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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What's Happening

Writing My Second Book

Accountability is something I value myself – someone keeping an eye on your progress, paying attention to how you’re developing things you want to make happen – and I have a few Accountability Buddies now I’m writing my second book. You are one of them %$firstname$%!

I started writing the book on holiday on 28th January at 6.30am. The plan is to finish it on 4th July (no coincidence it’s Independence Day) and officially launch it on 4th October. I’ve already booked the Launch Party for the evening of 4th October and will invite clients, connections, friends, family to celebrate. Maybe that will include you?

Do you box yourself in and set a date for what you want to make happen %$firstname$%? I find it’s the most effective and inspiring (and kick-in-the-pants way) to keep me focussed and inspired. I’ll let you know as it evolves but I’m about to complete Chapter 1 of 8. 7 to go and then there’s the editing, cover and design process which takes ages but it’s all part of the ride of it all.

Like everything, you get out what you put in and I’m pouring my experience, client stories, strategies and inspirations into this book about continual, strategic career success for women. Stay tuned!

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Waterskiing & Your Career

Stimulate your creative flow with something a bit different

That expression “busy doing something else” is where your ideas and inspiration often comes from. It gives you the sense of being absorbed, concentrating, focused on something so other thoughts are put aside or take a back seat. It’s something to be encouraged, especially when you’re scratching your head looking for the answer to a tricky issue or ticklish situation.

Go off and do – or absorb yourself – in something else. It’s often where the answer lies for you.

Sometimes the full-on focus we give to something means we miss some of the subtleties of what’s actually really happening. I hear people saying things like “I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall” or “I can’t stop thinking about ABC” or “I can’t leave it until I’ve sorted it, I’m like a dog with a bone”. Often that’s exactly the problem. Go off. Do something else instead. Leave it.

When you give yourself permission to leave it – and I do mean give yourself permission – because it’s an active, energetic decision (rather than a sign of defeat) – by saying “OK, let’s just park this for now, I’m going to go off and do something else” this is often where the ‘aha’ moment is waiting for you. You know I’m not suggesting you toss and turn inside a question for ages and use up time and energy fretting. Of course not.

Buy yourself some time and take yourself away from the thinking, just for a while. A day. Overnight. A week. You know your deadlines but it’s the action of parking it and staying open to what comes up in your thinking whilst you’re otherwise engage I’m talking about. Let me explain.

Waterskiing. I’ve skied for years and love it – the speed, the sensation, the ‘hey I might fall off’ feeling at times (sometimes, a lot of the time).

What I realise though, is how many similarities and insights there are when you compare improving ‘something else’ with building and expanding your business or your career.

Look and see these 5 quick lessons to learn about career success from being busy waterskiing:

  1. Keep flexible and relaxed as much as you can. There are forces at work, which you can’t see, and they’ll help you. You don’t have to force it, go with where you’re being pulled. Stay loose.

  2. Expect there will be bumps in the water and the current can pull you off course but keep your eyes on the water where you’re going. Stop watching and worrying about the bumps all the time; Watch the water where you’re going instead.

  3. Let go when you have to. When you decide to – or have to – sometimes it’s best to just let go, have a face full of water for a moment and then get up again and get back on. Hanging on too tightly doesn’t do much for your style or your peace of mind and you miss the subtleties of what else is going on.

  4. Listen to the advice of your mentor/instructor. Other people can often see what you can’t when you’re in action. It might be just a simple tweak and it’s too close to the end of your nose for you to see it. Study and listen for what the experts do and then model it. Make it a style of your own and learn from someone who knows how to shortcut the bumps and has been there before.

  5. Rest up and regroup. Remember it’s about the ride too and it’s more of a marathon than a sprint. Take breaks, limber up and enjoy the scenery along the way.

Ron, our ski instructor, uses a great expression, which is helpful to remember whilst you’re busy doing something else “keep your legs loose, your tush in and reeeelaaaax”.

To enjoy the creative ways your mind works when you’re busy doing something else, ask yourself these 3 quick questions to help you with your decision:

  1. What is it that most concerns me about this decision?

  2. How will I handle that and what skills will I need to bring into the mix to handle this?

  3. What lessons are there for me to use and then share with my colleagues, friends or clients, which could help the situation we’re scratching our heads with?

Interestingly, I sat for 48 hours scratching my head about something. I knew I needed to land on a decision before moving forward on plans which affect my clients, my team and my lifestyle. Using the exact steps and the waterskiing as a distraction, I stayed loose, kept my tush in and landed on my decision. More about that soon…

I’d love to hear what you think. You can leave me a comment or a note here.

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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:
“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.

Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”

To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.

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“I thought I had to know all the answers”

N.P, and I started working together when she was first appointed to the Senior Management Team of a large public organisation. Her boss wanted her to become more assertive and more comfortable about her decisions to enable her to delegate more. Projects were being held up and deadlines missed as she felt she had to keep referring things upwards.

“The key for me has been Kay showing me how to and when to ask better questions and to know it’s OK to “not know” or be confused at times. I just ask another question. I thought I had to know all the answers once I was promoted. I don’t worry so much now and this makes me feel more at ease.

It’s much more comfortable now being out of my comfort zone! I’m enjoying the managerial side to my job now as I’m starting to get results where I was struggling.”


Kay's Owl

N is for Natural, Negotiate, Nuances

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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Listening to a book!

After years of being asked “When are you going to turn your book into an audio book Kay?” I did in 2015, and it’s proving popular with many more downloads than actual books purchased. People like listening to books, I know I do.

The interesting thing about making the decision to do this with my first book “The A to Z of Being Understood” %$firstname$% is that when enough people tell you the same thing, DO pay attention. They’re on to something and see something for you which often you’ve not seen, yet.

You can now access all the information, from A to Z, in your car, on the running machine and – if you’re like me – when you’re walking the dog! The audio is carefully produced with music added and touches of musical fairy dust too.

You can hear me lay out strategies to accelerate connection, say what needs to be said, be more savvy in how you communicate and, crucially, you can hear my tone and intonation behind the messages. The audiobook is here.

I checked the ‘back end’ and it’s already been downloaded a myriad of times and a woman in Melbourne emailed me to say I’ve been adding to her commute with the strategies in the book. I always wanted to be able to support women even when I’m sleeping! With the Podcast episodes I recorded too, and the Audiobook, I do. Onwards!

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Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite

Stop faffing and box yourself in!

Do you often do everything else but the thing you know you really want to (and should) be doing? I know how easy it is to tidy your cupboards, empty the dishwasher, call a friend and avoid doing ‘the thing’.

This is something I try which works for me. I give myself a chunk of time on my handy iPhone timer – say 45 minutes, which is enough time to get going but not too long to overwhelm yourself – and that’s all I do. No emails, calls, tidying – just starting or continuing with the task I’ve been avoiding!

I find it helps me to box myself in like this. (I remember when I created my website for my 3-Day Live Event back in 2013 – I had to do this a number of times. Saying to Snowy, “Whatever you hear, however bad the language, don’t let me out!” As it turned out it was easier than I thought but only because I boxed myself in and committed to getting it done.)

See if or how it helps you %$firstname$%. And 3, 2, 1, GO!

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About Kay

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert for Ambitious Women in Business, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.

Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.

Kay’s clients learn how to present themselves most effectively at work and to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.

Comfortable on her feet, Kay regularly hosts Live Events (for 5 years, her annual 3-Day Live Event – Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE – has shown corporate career women how to attract promotion, recognition and rewards, all without selling their souls). Stay tuned for news about a suite of Day of Magic Experience Events for 2018.

Kay is author of the Number 1 Best-Seller “The A to Z of Being Understood” and you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com

Living close to London with rescue sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, much of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.

Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he knows he’s part of the pack.

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