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Positive Linking eZine: January 30, 2014
Volume 103 | 30 January 2015
Hello there %$firstname$%,
Well, it may be counter-intuitive to take yourself off when there’s loads going on but, I am. For about 8 years now Snowy and I go off to have some sun and relaxation at this time – his birthday is normally spent with us both on water skis (not at the same time though).
It’s a special experience to go to the same hotel, same room and share our break often with the same people. It’s a bit like a home-from-home except we don’t live near sea, sand and sunshine. That’s the thing about building relationships %$firstname$%. Consistently showing up, being open and interested in other people and – certainly in my case – enjoying my own company as much as theirs.
I was interviewed by the Editor of Psychologies magazine this week, for an article about my Event and she asked me about ‘sparkle’ and how it relates if you’re an introvert. Great question. Sharing very honestly and without hesitation I said that I’m quite introverted myself. Quiet, private, shy, thoughtful. I do have extrovert tendencies though. I can be out of myself when I want to be but only for a while. Then, I quickly need to be quiet and private again.
Realising this about myself has freed me from needing to be all full-on and chatty all the time, feeling I had to be. No more. I met with a friend Eli who was visiting London from California recently. We chatted, laughed, spoke ten to the dozen and then, leaving her to her swirl of socialising around London, I quietly came home.
It’s great to be out with all your lights on and then, great to be quiet. That’s my preference and I know you’ll have your own %$firstname$%. Give yourself permission to make it important and OK for you.
Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,
Let’s connect even more
PS – Oscar Wilde said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.
Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™ LIVE Event –
Well – the gates are officially OPEN and we already have Registrations coming in thick and fast! Crikey – nearly half the seats are sold already.
You can now reserve your seat at my 3-day LIVE Event “Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE”. March 26, 27, 28. In just over 2 months.
There’s never been a better time to be a woman in business stepping up and going for what you want. To receive the recognition, rewards and opportunities you know you deserve, you need to take a stand for yourself and assert yourself – and you must do it in a way, which is true to yourself.
Take some time for yourself and press ‘Pause’ on your day-to-day ‘To Do’ list by joining us, live and in London, to consider, plan and position yourself for more purposeful – and accelerated career success at work. Learn from and with other women like you who are ready to really step up at work and don’t want to have to plan it all by yourself. Let’s do it together.
Earlybird BONUS Alert:
Use the code: CONNECTION25 at Registration and take 25% off the Earlybird tickets. (Earlybird tickets increase by £150 on 16th February)
As Katy Perry herself says “Baby you’re a firework, c’mon show ’em what you’re worth”
You’re worth more than you think you are. I know it. Do you?
“I’m going to take back the driving seat in my career.”
“Kay brings together an amazing group of women from all different industries and backgrounds and it now feels like we’re a team, we’re a community and we’ve all helped each other out and she did that for us. Everyone in the room has gelled, even if they’re perhaps naturally a little bit shy, by the end of the first morning people are able to put their hands up and ask questions and you know no idea, no question is a stupid one.
One of things that we’ve talked about over the three days is to be clear on where you are on your bus and I feel as if I’ve actually been in the driving seat in my bus for the past year which is brilliant but I’m getting pushed out; someone else wants that seat. I just want some ideas on how to cope with that and lots of the exercises and lots of the topics we’ve covered these three days have really helped me.
As a result of being at the Event, I’m going to take back the control in my career, get back in the driving seat of my own bus. The Event has really given me the motivation to do that but also given me some really practical tips and techniques that I can start to use straight away.
If you’re thinking about coming to this Event in future years, then you just have to do it. It has been so much better than I ever imagined it would be. I’ve absolutely loved the three days and been raving about it to anyone I’ve spoken to!”
—Alison Gr. Senior Associate, Global Bank
Just go to bed %$firstname$%
Decide what works for you and then, politely go.
Have you ever said “Yes OK” when you know you mean “No way”? Well, I know I have and now, I rarely do.
Listening to a group of experienced, professional and successful women recently, the discussion was around how to go off to bed, go off and exercise, go off and be quiet, go off and sleep when you want to when you’re away on business. If you’re out either socialising or out at a work-related engagement, the question was how to manage your time and energy with other people pulling you in a direction and telling you what you ‘should’ do.
If this sounds familiar to you well firstly, you’re not alone and secondly you owe it to yourself and your precious life energy to learn how to decide what works best for you and then politely, assertively tell others that’s what’s happening. Not apologising or squirming in any way. Just assertively put a boundary around the time you need using your energy and a few key words.
You may be someone who is always up for one more drink, one more conversation, another game of cards, one more – whatever. That’s great and I really admire it, on one level. I find though, I get to a stage, especially when I’m travelling away from home, when I need to go off. Enough is enough and I’m ready for bed, for a rest, for a swim, to make a call, to be quiet.
I’m sure you know what I mean and then there’s the pull from others.
“Oh come on, stay and have another X” or
“Don’t be a party pooper, let’s go and have a Y” or – worse –
“Oh you’re so boring, we’re just getting going and you’ll miss all the fun”
Well, I know and use a few choice words, an energetic stance and then you can quietly – and assertively – go. I do.
Try these on for size if you imagine being at a conference, an event, a party and you’re told you must stay when you know it’s time to go:
“Thank you so much %$firstname$%, I know you’ll have a brilliant time and I’m off to my bed so I can be on the ball in the morning. Have a great time” as you start to move, hold your hand out, smile and then, literally go.
“You have a drink for me %$firstname$% and I’m going to go for a swim now so I can enjoy dinner together this evening. See you at the bar at 7pm” as you pack up your things, stand up and start to head away intentionally.
“I’d love to and thanks for asking me %$firstname$% – I’m going to make a few calls first and then I may join you later” as you smile and move without apologising or feeling awkward.
What’s interesting in moments like these is how much better you feel being firm about what you want or need and not being told what you’ll do. You’ll also often find others wish they’d said the same thing as you but felt compelled to go along instead.
As a professional woman who knows building relationships is a key part of your success, you also need to know what you need. If it’s peace, space, rest, sleep then, it’s yours for the taking.
Going the extra mile when all you want it quiet is self-defeating and sometimes, as Walt Disney said “you have to leave them wanting more”.
Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?
Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:
“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.
Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”
To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, we’re always interested to hear from you. Please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right)
IT Exec. International UK-Based Charity (and Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE Participant)
“You can make your day-to-day communication more effective to help you feel more confident and strong.”
“Moving from the corporate world of Financial PR in London, to the not for profit sector in the South West of the UK has been a sea change for me.
Kay’s mentoring helped me get to grips with a totally different set of motivational drivers in the workplace, and build on my shared belief that reciprocation and communication are key to working life successes. The results continue to amaze me! She helped me land a senior role in an internationally active charity whose objectives I am an ardent supporter of.
Kay and what she share is a constant source of inspiration and so are her insights into how you can make your day-to-day communication more effective to help you feel more confident and strong.”
Z is also for Zing, Zenith and, er, Zipperdeedooda!
For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.
As a quick tip to broaden your language and add some spice and variety to it, one of the most powerful – and simple – things is to use more of is your Thesaurus! I use mine all the time. Really – all the time.
It sounds so obvious and in some ways antiquated but if you right-click on your mouse on any computer, it will bring up either the Dictionary or the Thesaurus. Just by using this more you’ll get the meaning behind the words you use and may over-use, find others and juice up your language. It’s a big piece of being noticed and of being more engaging to others.
Adding sparkle and style to what you say (& how you are when you do)
Roll your clothes when you pack!
As a regular business traveller and – when possible – a pleasure traveller too I always roll, rather than fold my clothes. It works on so many levels.
They take up less room so you can take more things with you, they unroll without fold marks and it’s actually quicker and easier to prepare them for your case. Folding can be fiddly and time-consuming. Rolling is quick and easy. Two great words to recommend something.
Try rolling your clothes %$firstname$%, it really, really works hence it being your savvy style and sparkly soundbite for this Edition.
Kay White works with experienced business women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to own, position and speak of their value so their income, opportunities and confidence naturally increases. Kay combines private, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, speaking and hosting her annual 3-day Live Event ’Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE”. She also hosts her weekly podcast radio show ‘Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard’ downloadable from her site or on iTunes.
Using insights from her own 20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities as a result as Kay shows her clients how to add true, personal sparkle. Both to themselves and to what they say.
Working with Kay, her clients discover how to be assertive, attract and keep attention and then ask for and get what they want. It’s a learnable skill to ask for what you want, to persuade, influence and get other people engaged and into action – both in writing and face-to-face. Kay’s developed step-by-step systems for her clients to learn, follow and use the steps every day and everywhere.
Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’. She’s also a contributing Author in 4 other #1 best-selling books and annually hosts a 3-day Live Event in London for professional women: Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.
During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers. Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently!
Kay and her husband live close to London with their 3 rescue sighthounds. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.
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Way Forward Solutions Ltd 3 London Wall Buildings London EC2M 5PD
Way Forward Solutions Ltd
3 London Wall Buildings
London EC2M 5PD