Positive Linking eZine: June 30, 2017

kay white enewsletter

Volume 154 |  30 June 2017

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Hello There

Hello there %$firstname$%,

So, another birthday celebrated and another year wiser! It’s such a special time of the year to have a birthday and I celebrated it over the whole weekend.

Mr White whisked me off to a swanky hotel for a night and then my sister and family came for dinner the next night. We played loud music from our teenage years in the garden and laughed about growing up and thinking how we knew it all when we were about 16 years old. Huh! What did I know?

I truly celebrate being another year older and wiser. Having been so ill and nearly died of cancer when I was 16, every year truly is a gift and that phrase has never rung truer “Every day is a gift which is why it’s called the present”.

Snowy asked me a great question %$firstname$% which I invite you to consider too. “When do people become an old lady or an old man?” If you think about it those phrases are so loaded with judgement and when you consider, for example, Jane Fonda, Tina Turner, Paul McCartney, Elton John are all in their 70s – they’re not what you’d consider as ‘old people’. I believe it’s when you decide you are. Your state of mind, how you interact and what you’re able to (health willing) and what you want to do defines you. So, in that spirit, I’m rocking right on. You?

Remember %$firstname$%, always be true to yourself – no one else can be the unique, one-off, multi-faceted person you are! No one.

Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.

Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,


Let’s connect even more

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PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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What's Happening

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™

3-Day LIVE Event 2017

Registration opens in 7 days…

If you know you need to step up and accelerate your success at work AND allow yourself to be seen, valued and heard – do be there in October. Here’s the date and it will be in London again. Join me LIVE and learn with and from other ambitious, experienced women like you.

AND it will be the FINAL Event in this formation I host. 

If you’ve been thinking about coming ‘some time’ well, this year in OCTOBER will be your last chance….

>> 5, 6, 7 October 2017.

Here’s where you can let me know you want to be kept in the loop AND receive extra resources in advance.

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Are You “Should-ing” All Over Everyone?

3 Easier Ways for People to Take On Your Advice

Now, what you should do is…” “Well, it’s obvious, you should do this, then you should do that and then you should tell them you’ve done it”.

Should do. What you should do and what you want to and actually do are often very different things. Even if the advice we’ve been given is spot on, the fact that we’ve been told we ‘should’ do it is often the very reason we don’t. So if that’s the reaction we have, it’s the reaction that others will have when we ‘should’ all over them. Hmmm.

There’s something innately irritating to be told we should be doing something. It implies – this is the subtle, savvy part to understand – it implies that we’re not doing something and that the other person is wiser that we are. It’s implicit that we’ve missed a trick and they haven’t. That they know better exactly what will work for us. Well, in reality, we know best – better than anyone – what works for us and as we all know, making a decision ourselves and then sticking to it is always more powerful than carrying out other people’s advice. We own the outcome and, as such, are responsible for the result. (Or, in this case, response-able).

One of the big pieces of being an influential communicator as you work is to put across your ideas, suggestions, or advice (still need to do this!) and, at the same time, allow the other person to decide for themselves how, and if, it will work for them. It then becomes their decision, their action. This principle applies just as effectively, if not more so, at home with our families and friends – and those trickiest of customers, your children.

So, how do you get across your idea, suggestion, advice without saying “what you should do is” or “I think you should…”?

Here are 3 quick and easy ways which work, for you to try out:

  • Start with “I’ve got an idea for you..” – this way you’re putting out that it’s only an idea and it’s for you to contemplate and understand if and how it will work. By saying “I’ve got” you’re telling the other person “OK, I’m ready with something that I think you’ll want but it’s up to you what you do with it”.

  • Say “I’m going to make a suggestion here” – again, you’re putting across that you have something to offer and you want to get their buy-in before you just throw it at them. 9 times out of 10, if you’ve read the situation and your relationship correctly, the other person will be more open.

  • Think aloud – “hmmm, that’s tricky, now I wonder if…” – you can hear (and feel) that you’re firstly empathising that they have an issue or something tricky going on ie, they’re not an idiot – and saying “I wonder if” is a pensive, non-confrontational way of offering your thought or suggestion.

As with all of the 3 ideas above, avoiding the ‘should’ word once you start with these phrases is crucial. Remember, by offering your thoughts in a less fixed way, you leave the other person open to taking on what you think but without your judgement (intentional or otherwise) behind it.

So, I’m going to make a suggestion here %$firstname$%. Try these phrases on for size the next time you feel yourself about to say “well, you should” or “oh, it’s obvious, what you should do is…” You’ll notice the difference in how easily the other person/s take on what you think and if they ignore you then at least they know you contributed your thoughts.

As I always say at dinner time to my husband, “There are two choices for dinner. Take it. Or leave it.” I bet, like he does, they’ll take it more often than not.

I’d love to hear what you think. You can leave me a comment or a note here.

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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:
“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.

Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”

To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.

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“The Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard Event was a catalyst for me…”

“And spurred me on to look at my career and make the changes I’d been thinking of for some time but before hadn’t the courage or the circumstances. As a result I’ve applied for a position recently, was successful and they’ve offered me the post with a salary of £5,000 above the upper limit.

“My flabber was gasted”, as they say. Thank you again Kay for the part you’ve played in enabling me to own my life and drive my own bus”.


(Christine negotiated her new post within just a month of attending my 3-Day Live Event based on what she found out about herself)

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C is for Christine – with her Courage, Clarity & Confidence

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day.

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Keep Calm & Say The Tough Stuff

Do you tippy toe around people and end up getting tongue-tied and frustrated when you have a sensitive situation and should be addressing things head on?

Are you fed up of being at everyone’s beck and call and know you’re either too flexible or easy-going OR scared to say what needs to be said?

So many women are sparklyk and that’s why I’ve created a NEW Teleclass and you can STILL REGISTER for the Encore I’m hosting on Saturday 1st July at 4pm UK.

“How On Earth Do I Tell Them THAT?”

Let me show you how to address those tricky situations which can have you fretting at night, so you say what needs to be said, assert yourself and your opinion AND maintain your composure and the relationship at the same time.

Here’s where you can Register for the call AND the Handy Handout which comes with it.

One of my gifts is breaking things down into manageable, understandable and implementable chunks. I have 7 Steps to share with you which spell the word ‘RESPECT’. No more hiding out for you or missing out on things because others who speak louder or push themselves forward get the glory.

Be assertive, considered AND respectful and still get what you want. Let me show you have to make ‘saying the tough stuff’ easier for you.

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It’s not all about the shoes!

As women we all, in general, love shoes – all shapes, sizes, colours and heights – whether we can walk in them or not!

When you’re making that ‘what shall I wear today?’ decision, think about which part of you will mostly be on show or show up that day? If you’re going to be sitting in a meeting, sitting down at lunch or a gathering, sadly your shoes will largely go unnoticed.

Consider your top half and that all important area around your face. A scarf, a bit of bling, a top with some colour in. There’s an energy you project, a message you send when people look at your face and they won’t see it in your shoes if you’re mainly sitting down.

What’s with all the black and grey and blending in for women in organisations these days?

Don’t get me started just yet….. More on that at Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE in October.

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About Kay

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert for Ambitious Women in Business, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.

Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.

Kay’s clients learn how to present themselves most effectively at work and to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.

Hosting an annual 3-day Live Event for corporate career women “Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE” Kay encourages and shows women how to be the best, most valuable version of themselves so they’re ready to be paid what their worth and go for what they want with certainty. Crucially too, how to have more ease and more fun as you plan your way forward.

Kay is author of the Number 1 Best-Seller “The A to Z of Being Understood” and you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com

Living close to London with rescue sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, much of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside. Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he knows he’s part of the pack.

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