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Positive Linking eZine: July 27, 2018
Volume 177 | 27 July 2018
Hello there %$firstname$%,
Snowy and I have just returned from a 2 week break away and crikey, what a great feeling it is to be back. Not because we didn’t have a fabulous time – we did – but because we had a break!
We had a week in Taormina in Sicily where it was scorchingly hot and so picturesque. Our hotel was close to the +2000 year old Roman amphitheatre and we went to see the Italian Opera, Il Rigoletto. It was a spectacle to watch it in such surroundings (despite not understanding much of what was happening…lots of murders) and then we spent most of the time snoozing in the shade, eating and drinking really well and sleeping, on average, 10 hours a night. For us that’s a pretty special recipe.
We then had a couple of days in London and then off to our place on the Suffolk seaside here in the UK. It’s interesting to hear how other people choose to use their holiday time and I never assume anyone’s holiday is better than another.
My drum teacher Neil was telling me about how much he’s looking forward to going camping in their tent for 10 days, another friend is hiking in the North of Scotland, another staying at home to decorate. It is %$firstname$%, as with all things, a matter of choice and circumstances. What works for you may be someone else’s worst nightmare (tents and me, not my ideal at all) and that’s the thing when recommending experiences to others.
I’m always careful to avoid “Oh you should go to ‘insert-place-name’ it’s so lovely and we had a great time’. It’s much more useful to ask what people like, what they have in mind, what is their idea of a great holiday….it’s going to be different to yours most likely and that’s OK!
Because it’s been so hot here (and still is), whilst in Suffolk we swam every morning in the North Sea. I was amazed at myself if I’m honest %$firstname$%. But then that’s the point – do what you feel like doing, not what you think you ‘should’ – especially when you’re on your holidays.
Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work. There’s no time to do this like the present which is, after all, all we have guaranteed…
Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,
Let’s connect even more
PS – Oscar Wilde said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.
My 2nd Book Has a Cover Now!
It’s Always Your Move by Kay White
It’s been an interesting ride working on the cover for my new book It’s Always Your Move – Purposeful Progress for Corporate Career Women. Discovering what goes on inside my own process having worked with thousands of career women showing them how to get promoted, valued and rewarded at work is what my book is all about.
A myriad of real-life stories from clients about what we worked on, what actions they took, how it all worked and what you can do too is the essence of the book. There are tons of step-by-step, clear strategies from me and words and phrases to say as you go for it more intentionally and confidently at work. It’s all designed for you to use as you put your foot down at work, without doubting or losing yourself. It will also help you future-proof your career in these uncertain times.
It can be lonely and frustrating trying to work out your best moves and strategies by yourself. It’s Always Your Move is designed to be a torchlight to guide you. And that’s just the start…..
The Official Book Launch Party in London is booked and confirmed for the evening of
Thursday 4th October I’d LOVE you to be there- just jot the date for now and it will be in London, in the City. Registration will be open in a couple of weeks – stay tuned!
“It’s great to read a book written by a woman who has walked her own corporate journey and who wants to make it easier for other women on their own journeys. Her real life experiences and stories of her many clients capture the challenges and opportunities of the daily treadmill, the moments of fear that sometimes cripple you from taking the next steps and the humorous, down-to-earth style she uses to make her point. Kay encourages you to take those next steps and make them work for you – it’s as if she’s speaking directly to you which, I think, she really is.
This book is a guide for any woman at any stage of her career and Kay certainly knows how to dress! An inspirational, tactical read.”
Heather Melville OBE, Head of Business & Financial Inclusion, Corp & Private Banking, Nat West.
Are You “Should-ing” All Over Everyone?
3 Easier Ways for People to Take On Your Advice
“Now, what you should do is…” “Well, it’s obvious, you should do this, then you should do that and then you should tell them you’ve done it”.
Should do. What you should do and what you want to and actually do are often very different things. Even if the advice we’ve been given is spot on, the fact that we’ve been told we ‘should’ do it is often the very reason we don’t. So if that’s the reaction we have, it’s the reaction that others will have when we ‘should’ all over them. Hmmm.
There’s something innately irritating to be told we should be doing something. It implies – this is the subtle, savvy part to understand – it implies that we’re not doing something and that the other person is wiser that we are. It’s implicit that we’ve missed a trick and they haven’t. That they know better exactly what will work for us. Well, in reality, we know best – better than anyone – what works for us and as we all know, making a decision ourselves and then sticking to it is always more powerful than carrying out other people’s advice. We own the outcome and, as such, are responsible for the result. (Or, in this case, response-able).
One of the big pieces of being an influential communicator as you work is to put across your ideas, suggestions, or advice (still need to do this!) and, at the same time, allow the other person to decide for themselves how, and if, it will work for them. It then becomes their decision, their action. This principle applies just as effectively, if not more so, at home with our families and friends – and those trickiest of customers, your children.
So, how do you get across your idea, suggestion, advice without saying “what you should do is” or “I think you should…”?
Here are 3 quick and easy ways which work, for you to try out:
Start with “I’ve got an idea for you..” – this way you’re putting out that it’s only an idea and it’s for you to contemplate and understand if and how it will work. By saying “I’ve got” you’re telling the other person “OK, I’m ready with something that I think you’ll want but it’s up to you what you do with it”.
Say “I’m going to make a suggestion here” – again, you’re putting across that you have something to offer and you want to get their buy-in before you just throw it at them. 9 times out of 10, if you’ve read the situation and your relationship correctly, the other person will be more open.
Think aloud – “hmmm, that’s tricky, now I wonder if…” – you can hear (and feel) that you’re firstly empathising that they have an issue or something tricky going on ie, they’re not an idiot – and saying “I wonder if” is a pensive, non-confrontational way of offering your thought or suggestion.
As with all of the 3 ideas above, avoiding the ‘should’ word once you start with these phrases is crucial. Remember, by offering your thoughts in a less fixed way, you leave the other person open to taking on what you think but without your judgement (intentional or otherwise) behind it.
So, I’m going to make a suggestion here %$firstname$%. Try these phrases on for size the next time you feel yourself about to say “well, you should” or “oh, it’s obvious, what you should do is…” You’ll notice the difference in how easily the other person/s take on what you think and if they ignore you then at least they know you contributed your thoughts.
As I always say at dinner time to my husband, “There are two choices for dinner. Take it. Or leave it.” I bet, like he does, they’ll take it more often than not.
Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?
Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it: “Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.
Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”
To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.
“Kay’s guidance and her Event were a catalyst for me…”
“And spurred me on to look at my career and make the changes I’d been thinking of for some time but before hadn’t the courage or the circumstances. As a result I’ve applied for a position recently, was successful and they’ve offered me the post with a salary of £5,000 above the upper limit.
“My flabber was gasted”, as they say. Thank you again Kay for the part you’ve played in enabling me to own my life and drive my own bus”.
—CHRISTINE H. SENIOR EXEC, UK GOVERNMENT
(Christine negotiated her new post within just a month of attending my 3-Day Live Event based on what she found out about herself – A lot of what Christine worked on will be in my new book!)
C is for Christine – with her Courage, Clarity & Confidence
For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.
Queer Eye – For SO many reasons!
I know, TV programme are, like holidays, such a matter of personal taste and interest. I would, however, like to just recommend you to check out a programme (which I was recommended to do as well). Not that ‘you should’ watch it of course!
Queer Eye (2 Seasons on Netflix) – the programme is basically a makeover each episode for a man. We have a myriad of programmes and advisors telling us as women what/how/when to do things for our look and style. Men have very few, if any and especially around getting in touch with their feelings, loved ones AND making their image important.
What’s so interesting about the programme %$firstname$% is how full of real feeling and heart it is – each episode has me (and sometimes Snowy) welling up from the transformation or revelation moments which come forward. (I can’t bear the reality shows which are set up to criticise and minimise people. Won’t. Watch. Them)
5 gay, out and very proud men take another man through a transformation process – his home, his clothes, his grooming, his diet, his culture and self-respect and each of the experts shines in his own expertise. I’ve learned a ton too!
Anyway, as ever, you have a choice like I do to “take it or leave it” when someone recommends something. Give it a quick look though %$firstname$% and see what you think!
Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite
Spray. Delay. Walk away.
I love a top tip and this comes from Jonathon Van Ness from Queer Eye (see above).
When applying perfume (or After Shave) rather than spraying it directly on your skin he recommends “Spray, Delay, Walk away”.
Spray into the air in front of you, pause, walk through it for a lovely ‘blitz’ of smell without it being overpowering. Here you go!
Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert for Ambitious Women in Business, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.
Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.
Kay’s clients learn how to present themselves most effectively at work and to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.
Comfortable on her feet, Kay regularly hosts Live Events (for 5 years, her annual 3-Day Live Event – Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE – has shown corporate career women how to attract promotion, recognition and rewards, all without selling their souls). Stay tuned for news about a suite of Day of Magic Experience Events for 2018.
Kay is author of the Number 1 Best-Seller “The A to Z of Being Understood” and you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com
Living close to London with rescue sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, much of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.
Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he knows he’s part of the pack.