Positive Linking eZine: June 19, 2015

kay white enewsletter

Volume 112 | 19 June 2015  

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Hello There

Hello there %$firstname$%,

It’s been a very sociable time of late and, like you I’m sure, I can feel the pace gathering as people prepare to take off on their holidays too. Can you believe that the school year is nearly over – that in just over 4 weeks the schools break up and there’s a bit of an energetic pause for the Summer?

Having been out of the loop with Vanessa Vallely, my friend and fellow career women’s champion for a while, I went to see her in her new WeAreTheCity offices. We both had that moment of realising how two previously suited and booted City-based women were meeting to discuss business, Rising Stars (see below) and, er, shoes in the comfort of our jeans and T-shirts. We both commented how unless you make a conscious effort to switch off and slow down, life moves at such a pace. Not always a good thing – you need to enjoy the scenery, even if the backdrop is a great picture of the City!

With my birthday this week plus prepping to take a group of VIP clients off for a 2-day Retreat of career-planning and sparkly fun, we slowed things down this weekend. Snowy and I had a weekend in London on our own eating, sleeping and walking around the sites (and shops). Here I am with Fay Presto, resident table magician at Langham’s Restaurant. I decided I might be Kay Presto for the night?

Magic is, after all, largely about agility, suggestion and distraction, which I believe are essential at certain times in your career too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.

Warmly to you,


Let’s connect even more

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PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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What's Happening

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™ LIVE Event –

Shall I keep you posted?

If you know you need to be there in 2016, here’s the date and it will be in London again.

9, 10, 11 June 2016.

Here’s where you can let me know you want to be kept in the loop AND receive extra resources in advance.

Look at energy, the sparkle, the intentional women who joined me in March this year. Maybe you’ll be one of them next year?

The how will work itself out….. 9, 10, 11 June 2016.

Promotion. Recognition. Rewards.

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Knowing When – and How – To Just Let Go

It’s good for your well-being and your career progress

As ambitious and tenacious women, we can hold on too tight and think we have to go fast at all times. Let me explain – I was working with a career woman who was finding her whole life balance was out of kilter making her resentful at work and grumpy at home. The knock on effects were alienating her colleagues at work and having her perceived as a negative influence and, at home, you can guess it’s not much fun having someone around who’s distracted and – as she said – thinking about being somewhere else. She felt everything was ‘at full chat’ as we say.

What it turned out that this client was doing was never being able to let go. She was so fixated on her To Do or To Be Done list and the details within it that she constantly was in a state of follow up, suspicious whether things were being or had been done and then – when they had been reported she had the unstoppable sense of needing to check. Doubling up the work, if you will, as well as creating a sense of distrust.

Now whilst this is an extreme example, sadly it’s not uncommon and here’s the thing, the energy – both mental and physical – it takes to hold on so tightly so everything is counter-productive. You can end up depleted of energy for the things that really do matter at the cost of holding on too tightly to some of the things which you can just let go of. And, no-one has to suffer or get hurt – or die. Let’s be honest here.

Here are a few examples where you might be holding on too tightly:

  • Having to go to every meeting you’re invited to without thought of sending a representative or going to every-other-one.

  • Not asking what the meeting is actually about and questioning whether you need to be there.

  • Saying YES before you’ve even thought about the knock on effect – for every YES you say, you’re saying NO to something else anyway so you may as well know what it is – supper with your family, that favourite class at the gym, having a drink with your team, you get the idea – choices.

  • Being married to your To-Do list and feeling lost and twitchy without it.

  • Having to know every detail of what’s been said, done, decided on. Everything.

Now you know I’m not suggesting you let go to the extent you don’t know what’s happening or who’s done what and when. What I am suggesting is that you let people drop the ball sometimes, you let go of having to know/sort it all so that others can step up and take/share the responsibilities, so that you can focus on what’s really key rather than all the stuff. So that when it comes to it you can give the maximum time to your bigger goals and less to the ‘stuff’.

When you think about yourself doing this, of letting go and letting people get on with things, don’t go all weak-kneed about it…. I suggest you tell people it’s with them, “over to you to report back to me when it’s done – I trust you” << using that phrase is a powerful anchor for you to tell the other person “you’re a grown up, you can do this and I won’t chase you, it’s your responsibility.”

SO – here’s my dare for you to let go of a few things and notice what you notice.

  • Look at your next month in your diary. See where the gaps are and book something like a lunch with a friend, contact, time at the gym, take a half-day, do something which makes you realise you have control over your time.

  • Look at the commitments you have and ask yourself “what would happen if I wasn’t there? What would I do with the time and what would I miss?” This makes you question whether it’s just a habit or a ‘should be’ rather than a really important commitment.

  • Another great question is “If I just couldn’t do it – what would happen?” and then maybe look at how that person/situation can support you now rather than in the worst-case-scenario you just dreamed up. So, that to me is why Letting Go is less about ‘not being able to’ and more about ‘choosing to do something else’.

We only have so much time and energy and where and how we choose to invest it separates us from the seemingly successful and the less so. As Jim Rohn, the famous author and speaker, said “Time is more precious than money. You can get more money but you cannot get more time.” Enough said.

I’d love to hear what you think. You can leave me a comment or a note here.

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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:
“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.

Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”

To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, we’re always interested to hear from you. Please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right)

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A is for Ali Wharmby a Service Manager in UK Local Government

I’d been thinking for some time about moving to a more senior and strategic role within local Government. I was unsure about whether I wanted a more senior role as well as whether, honestly, I thought I could do it.

I worked privately with Kay and through her insightful and strategic questioning, I realised exactly what was holding me back and why. Once we discussed how I’d position my skills and experience and handle the interview process, it all became clear.

Ali joined me at my Event shortly after this experience. She then decided “Enough” and resigned to set up her own business which has changed her life on so many positive levels.

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A is for Ali and also for Ambitious, Adventurous, Alternatives

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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People / Places / Products

Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard Podcast

Each week you can pick up tips, steps, strategies and mindsets from my snappy podcast “Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard”.

They’re designed to give you instant ideas, tips and you can listen on the move, on the train or – as a client does – when swimming! They’re downloaded by women from the UK to Australia, from Vietnam to Venezuela.

If I can give you something which will help you straight away, wherever you are, an insight or a tip or two on something you’re struggling with at work, just drop a note here to support@kaywhite.com. I’ll look at crafting a podcast for you to help in the coming weeks.

You know me. I believe in asking for what I want. You?

Do you know (or are you yourself) a Rising Star?

WeAreTheCity, the women’s networking hub based here in London and founded by Vanessa Vallely (see above) are looking for nominees for their Rising Star Awards. There are several categories across several industries to nominate (or nominate yourself) someone you see as a Rising Star. I have already nominated a few!

The woman must be someone making a difference, going the extra mile and not yet be in the management tier.

Have a look at what it’s all about here and take the time if you have someone in mind. You might just make her year!

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Grab A Quick Quote!

I love digging in to and considering quotes from other people. They add credibility, another angle and more depth to your own message.

This is my ‘Go To’ site. In fact, here’s a quote about Quotes from Ralph Waldo Emerson, if you need convincing!

“Every book is a quotation; and every house is a quotation out of all forests, and mines, and stone quarries; and every man is a quotation from all his ancestors.”

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About Kay

About Kay White

Kay White works with experienced business women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to own, position and speak of their value so their income, opportunities and confidence naturally increases. Kay combines private one-on-one, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, speaking and hosts her annual 3-day Live Event ’Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE”. She also hosts her weekly podcast radio show downloadable from her site or on iTunes.

Using insights from her own +20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities as a result as Kay shows her clients how to add true, personal sparkle. Both to themselves and to what they say.

Working with Kay, her clients discover how to be confident, assertive, attract and keep attention and then ask for and get what they want. It’s a learnable skill to ask for what you want, to persuade, influence and get other people engaged and into action – both in writing and face-to-face. Kay’s developed step-by-step systems for her clients to learn, follow and use the steps every day and everywhere.

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’ and Founder of Way Forward Solutions Ltd, a multiple 6-figure private company. Kay annually hosts a 3-day Live Event in London for professional women: Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.

During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers. Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.

Kay and her husband live close to London with their 3 rescue sighthounds. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.

Find out much more at www.kaywhite.com.

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