Positive Linking eZine: March 18, 2016

kay white enewsletter

Volume 129 | 18 March 2016  

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Hello There

Hello there %$firstname$%,

You know that phrase about how suddenly, like buses, everything comes along at the same time? Well, last week it certainly felt that way. As well as recording a new video to personally invite you to my 2016 June Event, I also spoke live to 2 different audiences of women in London, hosted a live call for one of my mentoring groups and met up with my first ever paying client for drinks. Crikey. I’m so grateful I was able to do it all after being so ill recently and it was fun to be out and about ‘dressed up’ again.

The thing I found interesting is that I looked at my diary and carefully weeded out the ‘energy drainers’ which were chats with friends, colleagues, a Skype & coffee with a girlfriend and rescheduled them. We underestimate how much energy we use when we fill our day chatting and buzzing about at the same time as investing really key energy into our businesses and careers. My calls have been easily rescheduled, everyone understands and interestingly, despite having a full-on week, I felt energised by the end of it.

I get that you can’t always choose what goes in to your diary and when and why and yet, a lot of the time you can %$firstname$%. One of my clients questions how long a chat will be and has scaled it down from 60 minutes to 30 minutes saying how much more gets done when there’s less time. Another client has blocked out time in her diary and instead of saying something like ‘Admin’ which everyone rides roughshod over, she says “Income Generation Planning”. Who’s going to argue with that?

Being the guardian of your own precious, finite life energy is one of the best roles you can assume for yourself. It’s not anyone else’s job to care as much about how we feel and how we pace ourselves – it’s our job. A lot of the time, if you simply ask for what you want or change the language of how you express what you want, like magic, it’s yours!

Remember, always be true to yourself – no one else can be the unique, one-off, multi-faceted person you are! No one..

Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.

Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,


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PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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What's Happening

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™

3-Day LIVE Event 2016


So, last week we opened the doors for the 2016 Event and already our registrations are well into double figures.

Women from industries such as Banking, Insurance, IT, Asset Management, Hospitality, Accountancy, Law, Compliance are already joining us and – so can you!

There’s never been a better time to be a woman in business stepping up and going for what you want. To attract and leverage opportunities for promotion, recognition, rewards you need to take a stand for yourself and assert yourself – and you must do it in a way, which is true to yourself.

Take some time for yourself and press ‘Pause’ on your day-to-day ‘To Do’ list by joining us, live and in London, to consider, plan and position yourself for more purposeful – and accelerated career success at work.

Here’s where you can find out all the details of what’s on offer for you.

I only wish I’d have gone to an Event like this when I was navigating the choppy waters of my own 20+ year corporate career.

As Katy Perry herself says “Baby you’re a firework, c’mon show ’em what you’re worth”

You’re worth more than you think you are. I know it. Do you?

Or, in other words – Show Up; Sparkle and Be Heard LIVE.

Here’s a Snapshot of all that’s on offer for you!

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Give People The Meaning

Avoid leaving them grappling for what you really mean

We are all meaning-seeking machines. Well, what I mean by that is we naturally go inside our heads when we hear, read, see something and try to put meaning around it. Put context or a framework around something to make it make sense to us.

Knowing that we are all always seeking, naturally, the meaning for us, for others, for a situation in what is happening around us. So, because you’re a meaning-seeking machine, you can help others understand both you, and themselves, more by giving them your meaning. Sometimes it’s actively useful to let others make up their own minds as to ‘what it means’ but more often than not, especially in the workplace, it’s more helpful and time-saving to give people that framework.

‘In other words….’, ‘by that I mean….’ ‘so this will mean….’ ‘or we could say…’.

Can you hear that by using those phrases, which are very normal and easy on the ear, you naturally offer your listener or reader a bit more information? Give them more of an opportunity to ‘get it’.

Too often people take things as face value and nod thinking ‘Heyho, I’ll have to find out later what that means’ or ‘I’ve no idea what he or she just said but hopefully it won’t matter’. Well it does. It matters a lot when we want to make sure we’re understood and when you’re looking for promotion or more money, we need people to be able to take on our ideas, our opinions and do so easily. It’s simple too.

Everyday, we’re translating what someone has said or written or done and making our own sense of it. Notice the ‘our own’ sense of it. Your sense of something will be different to mine because we’re different, aren’t we? What we can do to bridge that difference is to ensure, as far as we can, that we offer enough information – often said one way and then another way – to make it easy for the other person to understand us. By that I mean clarify or expand a bit.

A prime example of this is when Snowy, my long-suffering husband and life-long case study, says to me something like ‘Oh, XYZ happened today’ and just stops. Immediately, I hear in my head ‘and?’ or ‘because?’ and we’re married. He now knows to give me one more sentence with some context about ‘why’ that happened or ‘what it means’.

What about your colleagues; your team; you boss; your clients wherever they are in the world and however you contact them? They will have the same sort of questions popping up in their heads too. They do and will. So answer the questions naturally up front. In other words give them the meaning – the consequences or the background.

So what does this mean for you? Well it means you’ll get clearer too about what you think something means. For the other person it may mean something else but they’ll understand you more, your point of view, your position. As they say respond ‘and it could also mean’ or ‘actually, I think XYZ’ you’ll find yourselves naturally discussing something that might have just been stated and left hanging without either of you really understanding what you meant to say.

Ideas for you to start working with today:

  • Be ready to use ‘by that I mean’ and ‘in other words’ or ‘i.e.’ and those sort of expressions which immediately tell the other person you’re going to make sure they know what you mean – without patronizing them.

  • Notice when someone else makes a statement without the context, the meaning – notice firstly if anyone else asks and notice if you automatically ask yourself ‘I wonder what he or she means by that?’ If you think it’s appropriate and there’s time, ask. ‘Can you just tell me a bit more about that please’ or ‘what will that mean, please?’ You’ll tell both the person and anyone else involved that you don’t just take things at face value, you’re prepared to dig a bit deeper, you want to understand and you’ll do it in a natural, inquisitive way.

  • You’ll have noticed the ‘please’ – that’s crucial. To avoid your question being confrontational and to be more about information-gathering, the ‘please’ is not only polite (we already know polite is an easier way to be in the world anyway) but it’s essential. It makes it a request and not a demand. We all respond much more easily to requests and less so to demands, don’t we? By that I mean, requests are desires, and demands are instructions. Which do you prefer to receive?

The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.’ ~ Carl Gustav Jung

Extracted from The A to Z of Being Understood – M is for Meaning. Available on Amazon & Audible as a book, Kindle & Audiobook.

I’d love to hear what you think. You can leave me a comment or a note here.

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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:
“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.

Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”

To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.

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Sonal Shah, Project Manager, IT Consultancy

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE Attendee

You don’t get this sort of thing on offer anywhere in Corporate so you can get lots of soft skills courses but there’s nothing like this out there at all. It was lovely to meet like-minded women. I’ve made lots of decisions and one important one is about letting go to help myself move forward more. There’s nothing wrong with being scared and having that fear but how to overcome it and that will be my next journey.

Kay has been excellent; she has been really a true host, never looks tired and so full of energy and keeps you engaged throughout. I will tell the truth, there wasn’t one moment where I looked at my watch these last 3 days!

I would say bite the bullet and just attend Kay’s event, you have absolutely nothing to lose and SO much to gain – at the very least you will make a lot more new friends with a great new network as well because I can see that happening all around me.”

Kay's Owl

S is for Sonal and also for Smart, Strategic, Sparkly

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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Change One Belief

Change One BeliefWe buy into our beliefs so deeply we think they’re real but in fact, the more we dig in and challenge them, we realise they are all made up and are just thoughts. In most cases we’ve inherited our thoughts and beliefs from parents, coaches, teachers, TV and media, colleagues, friends. Some with the best intention, some definitely not.

So what happens when you ‘Change One Belief’? Well, my friend and publisher, Bob Burnham’s book is a compilation of inspirational stories about how changing just one belief can transform your life.

Change One Belief’ quickly became a number 1 best-seller when it was released and my contributing story is called ‘Right Under My Nose’.

My story “%$firstname$%” is about when I changed the belief that despite being 6 foot tall, I didn’t have to marry someone taller than me. I could share my life and marry someone quite a bit shorter than me. My life changed for the better in so many ways, right from the moment I changed that one belief. My husband Snowy was, and happily always will be, ‘Right Under My Nose’.

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Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite

Save tons of space in your wardrobe!

Since being on a bit of a mission after reading the book ‘The Life Changing Magic of Tidying’ by Marie Kondo, one of the things I’ve done is upgraded our hangers. Instead of the mishmash of plastic hangers which came from the shops, combined with big, hefty wooden hangers, I’ve saved space and made my wardrobe look so smart.

Buying felt hangers in a smart purple colour, the space they save is astounding. The added bonus is everything looks so much tidier at the same time. Snowy’s been converted as has my niece Grace – we’re all smiling at the space, the colour and the uniformity of new felt hangers. I found mine on eBay.

Anything which helps you keep things tidy and makes it easier for you to find things is always worth a closer look.

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About Kay

As a Career Moves Mentor, Kay White works with experienced, ambitious career women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to get noticed, promoted, valued and rewarded at work.

Kay combines private one-on-one, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, live speaking and hosts her own annual 3-day Live Event “Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE” in London. She also hosts her weekly Podcast Radio Show downloadable from her site or on iTunes.

Using insights from her own +20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities.

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’. She’s also Founder of Way Forward Solutions Ltd, a multiple 6-figure private coaching & mentoring company. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.

During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers. Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.

Kay and her husband live close to London with their sighthounds, DeeDee & Pharaoh. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.

Find out much more at www.kaywhite.com.

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