Positive Linking eZine: March 4, 2016

kay white enewsletter

Volume 128 | 4 March 2016  

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Hello There

Hello there %$firstname$%,

Well, rather than being in the mix of my personal and business life I’ve been wiped out with a chest infection. I can’t tell you the shock of being so ill, so suddenly and for so long. 10 days of antibiotics and coughing and spluttering just over a week after our wonderful Barbados break. How does that work? Not well and yet, as with all things, there are lessons to learn and points to notice.

As I nosedived into bed one of the main concerns was I was due to host a 2-day Live Retreat for my VIP Golden Circle. A group of private clients working together for a year who love to be live in person to work on career acceleration and have fun with a special sparkly treat always thrown in. How could I possibly host that last week when I was so ill? It didn’t take much to decide I had to postpone it – I owed it to my precious clients to be nothing less than firing at 100%, as well as owing it to myself to heal.

It’s interesting %$firstname$% and here’s the lesson. My team and I decided it would be easy, we’d be decisive and honest and we’d do it quickly. Within 2 days we’d rearranged everything and everyone to a date at the end of April and, amazingly, all without any financial penalty. By asking for what I wanted – lifting it all and putting it all in another weekend, that’s exactly what’s happened. 2 of the women wouldn’t have been able to make this weekend as it turned out so we all get to have Plan B and enjoy each other’s company with, who knows, warmer weather thrown in!

The only characters really affected have been our hounds Pharaoh & DeeDee who’ve been in and out of our private kennels as if there’s a revolving door in our house. They’re home now and I’m back walking in the park with them and I’m so grateful. It does make you appreciate your normal ‘full chat’ energy when you’re laid low doesn’t it? It also makes you appreciate your creature comforts. Here’s DeeDee and me doing a sofa-surfing selfie together.

Remember, always be true to yourself – no one else can be the unique, one-off, multi-faceted person you are! No one..

Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.

Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,


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PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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What's Happening

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™

3-Day LIVE Event 2016


If you know you need to step up and accelerate your success at work AND allow yourself to be seen, valued and heard – do be there in 2016. Join me LIVE and learn with and from other ambitious, experienced women like you.

Whilst we have seats available, you can bring a friend with you for a nominal amount AND there’s a Special Code for you to take £200 off the seat price – only while we have seats and I know already that over half are reserved! I’ll drop you a note about this shortly.

AND it may be the FINAL event like this which I host.

If you’ve been thinking about coming ‘some time’ well, this year in June might be your last chance….

>> 9, 10, 11 June 2016.

Here’s where you can let me know you want to be kept in the loop AND receive extra resources in advance.

Oh and below, here’s a quick video showing a little of what happened in March 2015 and what you’ve got in store if you join us in June 2016. Take a few moments to see what comes up for ambitious women like you and what happens when you put yourself into an intentional space like this.

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Ask for what it is you actually want.

Avoid confusing matters by focussing on what you don’t want!

I hear this so often “Oh Kay, I just don’t want to XYZ” or “Oh, it’s so annoying, I don’t want to get wound up by X” or “I just don’t want to make that mistake again” and so it goes on.

Can you see how the focus in each of these is what you don’t want. What the person wants to avoid and yet the “I don’t want to” is the nub of the phrase.

Now I learned, many moons ago, when first studying Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) that negative suggestions cannot be processed by the brain without having to focus on the suggestion first. For example, if I say to you “Don’t think of a pink elephant” you and I both know the first thing you do is have to think of a pink elephant and then maybe put a cross through it. If I were to say to you “Think of a green hippopotamus” as a direct suggestion, that’s exactly what you do.

What is so subtle here is the effect it has on those around us when we give directions, when we ask for what we want (or ask for what we don’t want as is more often the case) and how we can often get exactly what it is we don’t want – because the direct command or suggestion was in the negative.

You might be thinking “Yes Kay, blah blah I know about do and don’t” but I’d counter that and say “Do you really?”

How often have you said to your child, partner, colleague “Don’t do that” or “Don’t put that there” instead of “Put the X on the Y please” i.e. direct instruction?

It’s the same in our public domain. “Don’t walk on the Grass” is far less effective than “Stay on the pavement”. “Don’t leave litter” is less effective than “Take your litter home please”. In each of the counter phrases there’s no suggestion of what we don’t want hence no hint of doing it by mistake.

One of the worst things you can say to someone is “Don’t forget your X” – 9 times out of 10 they will. It’s far more influential and effective to say “Remember your X” or “Take you X with you”.

Postponing a key meeting last week with clients, we focussed on when we could, how it would work (not if) and what would work best. Can you see that with an intention and focus heading towards what we wanted, it made it so much easier for us all to make it happen.

You’ll hear people saying “Don’t do this” and “Don’t put that there” and “Don’t forget X” all the time. My question to you is this. When it’s you asking, before you launch into, “Don’t blah blah” ask yourself “If I ditch the ‘don’t’ – what do I actually really want instead?”. Then, ask for that instead.

I’d love to hear what you think. You can leave me a comment or a note here.

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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:
“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.

Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”

To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.

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Christine H. UK National Charity Executive.

“The 2015 Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard Event was a catalyst for me…”thumbnail-

“And spurred me on to look at my career and make the changes I’d been thinking of for some time but hadn’t the courage or the circumstances. As a result of what I learned about myself at the Event, I applied for a position recently, was successful and they’ve offered me the post with a salary of £5,000 above the upper limit.

My flabber was gasted, as they say. Thank you again Kay for the part you’ve played in enabling me to own my life and finally drive my own bus in my career”.

* Christine applied for a role the following week and the role was already closed. But – she got the job! You know how I believe in asking. So does Christine, now.

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C is for Christine and also for Clear, Certain, Courageous.

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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My Audiobook is available NOW!

After years of being asked “When are you going to turn your book into an audio book Kay?” I now have!

The interesting thing about making the decision to do this Kay is that when enough people tell you the same thing, pay attention. They’re on to something and see something for you which often you’ve not seen, yet.

You can now access all the information, from A to Z, in your car, on the running machine and – if you’re like me – when you’re walking the dog! The audio is carefully produced with music added and touches of musical fairy dust too.

Having already received my first Royalties Cheque from the audio book, less than a month after it was released, clearly audiobooks are popular.

You can hear me lay out strategies to accelerate connection, say what needs to be said, be more savvy in how you communicate and, crucially, you can hear my tone and intonation behind the messages. The audiobook is here.

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Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite

Create yourself a ‘Swipe’ file

So often we see a link go by or an article, a soundbite go by and think “Ooh I must remember that” or “I must show that to” etc. And we don’t.

If you create what I call a ‘Swipe’ File on your computer, you can house all these bits and bobs there.

For links I create a Word Document, originally, Links and just paste the links there. For articles, I have a file within the Swipe File called Articles and they go there too. I’ve lost track of how often I find inspiration and return to things I know I would have lost without my Swipe File.

Quick, easy, efficient and effective. Done.

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About Kay

As a Career Moves Mentor, Kay White works with experienced, ambitious career women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to get noticed, promoted, valued and rewarded at work.

Kay combines private one-on-one, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, live speaking and hosts her own annual 3-day Live Event ’Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE” in London. She also hosts her weekly Podcast Radio Show downloadable from her site or on iTunes.

Using insights from her own +20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities.

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’. She’s also Founder of Way Forward Solutions Ltd, a multiple 6-figure private coaching & mentoring company. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.

During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers. Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.

Kay and her husband live close to London with their sighthounds, DeeDee & Pharaoh. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.

Find out much more at www.kaywhite.com.

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