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Positive Linking eZine: May 26, 2016
Volume 134 | 26 May 2016
Hello there %$firstname$%,
There’s been a lot of learning and stretching outside of my comfort zone recently! It’s something I advocate to my clients to put themselves forward for things, say “Yes” before you’re ready. Well, I’ve been doing the same. Taking my own medicine, if you will.
In 2 weeks’ time, I’ll be hosting my 3-Day Live Event and we have women coming from the USA, from Dubai and from all over the UK. It’s a continual stretch for me and one which I thrive on, to build out new content, to welcome women who are somewhat stunned at all that happens in the room and – at the same time – to manage my own personal energy. A week later will be my birthday celebrations and a couple of days later I’m making my TV debut. More on that another time but it was definitely a saying “Yes” before I was ready moment. The TV Producer found me by recommendation and Snowy and I are off to the studios to record the programme over my birthday weekend. Having little time to fret and think about it probably helps!
Last week, as well as a thumping drum lesson, I also tried out ‘Rock Choir’ and had a taster session there. Again, not sure what to expect but open to how it would be and what would happen, I went along and loved it. Also, I put myself forward to Chair meetings for the Insurance Network I spoke at last week, and was accepted without hesitation.
Here’s the thing %$firstname$%. If you trust yourself and remind yourself of all the things you can do, have done, do well (rather than the other way, which most people go) then it’s easier to just say “Yes”. I also remind myself my husband loves me whatever happens, so do our hounds. With that knowledge clear and at the front of my mind, everything else becomes easier.
What can you say Yes to and jump and trust yourself about this week? Not because you ‘should’ but because you want to. I bet there are loads of things and you’ll surprise yourself, just as I continue to – even if I have to take long, deep breaths as I do.
Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.
Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,
Let’s connect even more
PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.
Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™
3-Day LIVE Event 2016
>>>>We’re 75% full already. Are you meant to be with us?
This is a unique opportunity for corporate women, just like you, to work out how to attract more income AND opportunities to lead with your value – without having to sell your soul.
Women from industries such as Banking, Insurance, IT, Asset Management, Hospitality, Accountancy, Law, Compliance are already joining us and – so can you!
There’s never been a better time to be a woman in business stepping up and going for what you want. To attract and leverage opportunities for promotion, recognition, rewards you need to take a stand for yourself and assert yourself – and you must do it in a way which is true to yourself.
Take some time for yourself and press ‘Pause’ on your day-to-day ‘To Do’ list by joining us, live and in London, to consider, plan and position yourself for more purposeful – and accelerated – career success at work. On your terms.
If you want to:
Earn more money AND own your own earning power
Be offered more interesting and challenging opportunities in your organisation or industry
AND negotiate for yourself from a position of certainty, let me show you where your own version of ‘sparkle’ can be found – so do join me and all the experienced and insightful women you’ll meet at the Event.
>>> Bonus Seat Price:
If you use the code: GLITTERBALL at checkout, you can take 50% off the seat price until these seats run out. The code won’t work when we’re full.
I only wish I could have gone to an Event like this when I was navigating the choppy waters of my own 20+ year corporate career.
Or, in other words – Show Up; Sparkle and Be Heard LIVE.
Here’s a Snapshot of all that’s on offer for you!
Are You “Should-ing” All Over Everyone?
3 Easy Ways for People to Take On Your Advice
“Now, what you should do is…” “Well, it’s obvious, you should do this, then you should do that and then you should tell them you’ve done it”.
Should do. What you should do and what you want to and actually do are often very different things. Even if the advice we’ve been given is spot on, the fact that we’ve been told we ‘should’ do it is often the very reason we don’t. So if that’s the reaction we have, it’s the reaction that others will have when we ‘should’ all over them. Hmmm.
There’s something innately irritating to be told we should be doing something. It implies – this is the subtle, savvy part to understand – it implies that we’re not doing something and that the other person is wiser that we are. It’s implicit that we’ve missed a trick and they haven’t. That they know better exactly what will work for us. Well, in reality, we know best – better than anyone – what works for us and as we all know, making a decision ourselves and then sticking to it is always more powerful than carrying out other people’s advice. We own the outcome and, as such, are responsible for the result. (Or, in this case, response-able).
One of the big pieces of being an influential communicator as you work is to put across your ideas, suggestions, or advice (still need to do this!) and, at the same time, allow the other person to decide for themselves how, and if, it will work for them. It then becomes their decision, their action. This principle applies just as effectively, if not more so, at home with our families and friends – and those trickiest of customers, your children.
So, how do you get across your idea, suggestion, advice without saying “what you should do is” or “I think you should…”?
Here are 3 quick and easy ways which work, for you to try out:
Start with “I’ve got an idea for you..” – this way you’re putting out that it’s only an idea and it’s for you to contemplate and understand if and how it will work. By saying “I’ve got” you’re telling the other person “OK, I’m ready with something that I think you’ll want but it’s up to you what you do with it”.
Say “I’m going to make a suggestion here” – again, you’re putting across that you have something to offer and you want to get their buy-in before you just throw it at them. 9 times out of 10, if you’ve read the situation and your relationship correctly, the other person will be more open.
Think aloud – “hmmm, that’s tricky, now I wonder if…” – you can hear (and feel) that you’re firstly empathising that they have an issue or something tricky going on ie, they’re not an idiot – and saying “I wonder if” is a pensive, non-confrontational way of offering your thought or suggestion.
As with all of the 3 ideas above, avoiding the ‘should’ word once you start with these phrases is crucial. Remember, by offering your thoughts in a less fixed way, you leave the other person open to taking on what you think but without your judgement (intentional or otherwise) behind it.
So, I’m going to make a suggestion here %$firstname$%. Try these phrases on for size the next time you feel yourself about to say “well, you should” or “oh, it’s obvious, what you should do is…” You’ll notice the difference in how easily the other person/s take on what you think and if they ignore you then at least they know you contributed your thoughts.
As I always say at dinner time to my husband, “There are two choices for dinner. Take it. Or leave it.” I bet, like he does, they’ll take it more often than not.
Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?
Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it: “Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.
Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”
To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.
Ruby has attended all 3 of my Events so far, as well as being part of my VIP Golden Circle for 2 years – there’s always something shifting and changing and there’s always more to learn.
“It’s been a life-changing weekend for me.”
“I wanted a different take on things and to change my attitude – I wanted some inspiration in my career which was missing. The whole experience has been fantastic – so much attention to detail, everyone very welcoming, friendly, open and I’m amazed I’ve got up and danced. I just don’t normally do that kind of thing and I did it because I really wanted to.
The range of speakers Kay includes is amazing – from powerful business women to spiritual teachers, quite extraordinary. I’ve learned such powerful lessons – having been a bit of a corporate clone I’ve learned that it’s OK to be yourself, in fact it’s crucial!
Kay has incredible energy and warmth and you immediately want to learn from her. I’ve got so much out of these 3 days, it feels like a week – it’s been a life-changing weekend for me. Don’t hold back if you’re thinking you should be here if she hosts this event again.”
—RUBY C, PRACTICE MANAGER, MAJOR UK IT SERVICES CO.
R is for Ruby – and also for Respectful, Responsible, Relationships
For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.
As a quick tip to broaden your language and add some spice and variety to it, one of the most powerful – and simple – things is to use more of is your Thesaurus! I use mine all the time. Really – all the time.
It sounds so obvious and in some ways antiquated but if you right-click on your mouse on any computer, it will bring up either the Dictionary or the Thesaurus. Just by using this more you’ll get the meaning behind the words you use and may over-use, find others and juice up your language. It’s a big piece of being noticed and of being more engaging (and often, less boring) to others.
As women we all, in general, love shoes – all shapes, sizes, colours and heights – whether we can walk in them or not!
When you’re making that ‘what shall I wear today?’ decision, think about which part of you will mostly be on show or show up that day? If you’re going to be sitting in a meeting, sitting down at lunch or a gathering, sadly your shoes will largely go unnoticed.
Consider your top half and that all important area around your face. A scarf, a bit of bling, a top with some colour in. There’s an energy you project, a message you send when people look at your face and they won’t see it in your shoes if you’re mainly sitting down.
What’s with all the black and grey and blending in for women in organisations these days? Don’t get me started just yet….. More on that at Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE in June.
Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert for Ambitious Women in Business, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.
Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.
Kay’s clients learn how to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.
Hosting an annual 3-day Live Event for corporate career women “Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE” Kay encourages and shows women how to be the best, most valuable version of themselves so they’re ready to be paid what their worth and go for what they want with certainty. Crucially too, how to have more ease and more fun as you plan your way forward.
Kay is author of the Number 1 Best-Seller “The A to Z of Being Understood” and you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com
Living close to London with sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, lots of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside. Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he’s part of the pack.