Positive Linking eZine: May 8, 2015

kay white enewsletter

Volume 109 | 8 May 2015  

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Hello There

Hello there %$firstname$%,

Well, it may not be a ground-breaking thing to do but it’s such a useful thing to do. Spring cleaning! I’ve had a good old sort out both in my office, my wardrobe, my contact list, my social media world.

It’s easy to just keep on going without stopping to regroup and, as I realised when I overhauled Sparkle Central in 2013 changing it from a kind of box-room office to a sparkly, smart, chandelier clad sanctuary – it wasn’t that I was a hoarder but more that I hadn’t weeded things out.

Letting clothes go to either a charity shop, a friend, to ebay is so cathartic. I asked myself the question “Do I Love It?” to a number of items of clothing and if the answer was “Meh” or “No” then it’s gone. It’s easy to underestimate the effect it has on you being surrounded by stuff rather than things you really like, use and need.

Sparkle Central is just the same. My cupboards are such precious real estate that everything on the shelves has to be relevant, useful and ordered. No piles of ‘hey one day that might be interesting’. They’ve all either been filed in the WPB (waste paper basket) or Helen, my trusty PA, bossed me about and we’ve box-filed them and moved them to a storage area. Cathartic, that’s how I’d describe it %$firstname$%.

With connections and especially in our over-connected social media world, looking at who you want to be connected with more closely also has it’s benefits. There are seasons in all things, hairstyles, outfits, clients, focus and yes, relationships. It’s all good and spring cleaning your life at any time – and especially when Spring is springing – is good for so many things.

Friends we met on holiday came over to have their colours ‘done’ – including their husbands. If ever you want an excuse to spring clean your wardrobe %$firstname$%, find out what really suits you and then ditch the rest. That’s Cathartic with a capital C.

Remember, always be true to yourself – no one else can be the unique, one-off, multi-faceted person you are. No one.

Warmly to you,


Let’s connect even more

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PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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What's Happening

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™ LIVE Event –

Date for Your 2016 Diary

I believe in setting an intention and going with it %$firstname$%. If you know you need to be there in 2016, here’s the date and it will be in London again. The contract for the room is close to being signed and, already, women are telling me “I’m coming next year – I know I need to be there”. So. Just saying. If you do too, now you know the when.

Look at energy, the sparkle, the intentional women who joined me in March this year. Maybe you’ll be one of them next year?

The how will work itself out….. 9, 10, 11 June 2016.

Promotion. Recognition. Rewards.

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Be More Presumptuous (and get more done and off your plate)

“So, when will be a good time to start that?” “When you’re ready to get going, call me and I’ll help.” “When will you be emptying the dishwasher?” “When this is ready to go then I’ll do XYZ….”

Can you hear how presumptuous I’m being? How I’m assuming things are going to happen, how I’m asking ‘When’ instead of ‘Have’ and I’m assuming that things will be happening rather than wondering. I’m presuming things which is a very subtle and very effective way of asking for what you want as if it’s already happening.

You’re coming at your requests, questions, enquiries from certainty rather than possibility that that is a very powerful stance to take. It has the effect of by-passing the if something is going to happen and going straight to the place of it happening but without doubt.

Now when I speak about this subject to groups of women at workshops or events, the session is called Be More Presumptuous For Quicker Results and here’s why – it circumnavigates doubt and goes straight for decision.

Let me explain.

As women, we’re often more concerned in people pleasing and being liked than we are with actually implementing. Now you know I’m not saying you ride roughshod over people to get things done, of course not – I’m a true advocate of relationship building and of give and take – what I am saying though is that instead of leaving wiggle room you go straight for the energy of ‘this is happening already’. It makes you more assertive and it’s a natural way of asking for what you want which is always my intention for you to sparkle at work by being true to yourself. And being intentional, certain and committed at the same time.

When I studied NLP – Neuro Linguistic Programming – the language of the brain and our way of experiencing the world through the patterns we learn – as it says in the brilliant introductory book NLP for Dummies, NLP enables you to understand what makes you tick, how you think, how you feel, how you make sense of everyday life in the world around you.  How you can also use it to make sense of how others tick, think, feel which is where ‘Presuppositions’ – pre-supposing things as if they’re already happening – is taught as an NLP strategy.

When you presuppose something, when you presume something is already happening and you use your language to convey it, what happens is you start to move that person in their head.

If you consider how you ask for what you want as if it’s already happening and by-pass the doubt, you tell the other person what you want without being too confronting and this is where it’s easier to say yes to you….

Here are some presumptuous questions for you which tell people what you want to have happen as if it’s already happening:

  • “What is the best time for you to deliver this to me on Friday?” the only question is what’s the time on Friday – not will you ie no doubt.
  • When will that opportunity be offered to me?” – not will that opportunity be offered to me, it’s just a question of when.
  • Where do you want me to sign this off when you’ve finished it on Thursday?” – it suggests it will be finished on Thursday and the only question is where do you want me sign it when you have.
  • Who else will you tell about this when you’ve come back from this trip?” – it’s not a question of whether you’ll tell anyone else It’s a question of Who – it assumes you will and only asks who.

You can hear in each of those questions a presumption, can’t you?  They presuppose something’s going to happen. The person imagines it happening before they realise it.

That’s the point. That’s the sparkly, magical piece. You have to imagine it happening too so when you ask questions in this presupposing way, other people have to imagine it happening or having happened too. Abracadabra.

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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:

“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.


Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”


To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, we’re always interested to hear from you. Please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right)

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Snappy Podcast Reviews

Here are just a couple of the Reviews I’ve read straight from ‘the horse’s mouth’ on iTunes…

Great Advice!
by Rom Com Girl from USA

I especially liked the episode on “saying sorry.” Kay is right on! If you know you say “sorry” a lot, this is a MUST LISTEN!!

Instant Help!
by Surrey, England from UK

Practical, instant help to improve our communication – even just reading over the titles of each podcast is a great reminder of how we can improve the effectiveness of our communication. Keep it up Kay!

by Sonal_S from UK

This is highly recommended to all – Kay gives great advice as always and brings to life bite sized chunks so you can act immediately. I enjoyed particularly learning from Kay’s experience, enthusiasm and passion which inspire you and helps you to Sparkle more and show more confidence in your day to day. Will definitely be tuning in to receive more of Kay’s sprinkling of fairy dust! Thank you Kay!

If you enjoyed the Top Takeaway above, you can listen to a fuller, even more detailed Podcast on this very subject here on iTunes or via my Website here.

Kay's Owl

P is for Pertinent, Punchy, Podcast

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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People / Places / Products

Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard Podcast

Each week you can pick up tips, steps, strategies and mindsets from my snappy podcast “Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard”.

They’re designed to give you instant ideas, tips and you can listen on the move, on the train or – as a client does – when swimming! They’re downloaded by women from the UK to Australia, from Vietnam to Venezuela.

If I can give you something which will help you straight away, wherever you are, an insight or a tip or two on something you’re struggling with at work, just drop a note here to support@kaywhite.com. I’ll look at crafting a podcast for you to help in the coming weeks.

You know me. I believe in asking for what I want. You?

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Call (or Pop Over)

It’s surprisingly effective.

So often we limber up to write an email or text someone a quick message. Instead – I dare you – call.

Go the personal route and see what happens. Often people are so pleased to hear you and not a message of some form it’s a game-changer as far as how connected you and they feel.

Proximity-wise, if it’s possible, drop round. Either personally to see someone or to their desk. Emailing people across the office has its place at times and, be the one who gets up and pops by. It’s a big piece which adds to your visibility and your connection.

You might think it takes longer but – in the long run – it often makes things happen more quickly.

Go on. Call or pop around when you wouldn’t normally and notice what you notice….

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About Kay

About Kay White

Kay White works with experienced business women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to own, position and speak of their value so their income, opportunities and confidence naturally increases. Kay combines private one-on-one, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, speaking and hosts her annual 3-day Live Event ’Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE”. She also hosts her weekly podcast radio show ‘Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard’ downloadable from her site or on iTunes.

Using insights from her own +20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities as a result as Kay shows her clients how to add true, personal sparkle. Both to themselves and to what they say.

Working with Kay, her clients discover how to be confident, assertive, attract and keep attention and then ask for and get what they want. It’s a learnable skill to ask for what you want, to persuade, influence and get other people engaged and into action – both in writing and face-to-face. Kay’s developed step-by-step systems for her clients to learn, follow and use the steps every day and everywhere.

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’. She’s also a contributing Author in 4 other #1 best-selling books and annually hosts a 3-day Live Event in London for professional women: Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.

During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers. Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently!

Kay and her husband live close to London with their 3 rescue sighthounds. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.

Find out much more at www.kaywhite.com.

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