Positive Linking eZine: November 16, 2018

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Volume 184 | 16 November 2018

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Hello There

Hello there %$firstname$%,

Well, Snowy and I have just returned from a cheeky anniversary celebration week in Abu Dhabi. We’ve never been to the Middle East and have heard so many good things about the hotels, food, service, sunshine and we decided that 17 years of marriage warranted a special celebration!

The scale and size of the hotel we stayed in surprised us as we normally find hotels with only 30 or 40 rooms maximum but, on this occasion we stayed in a much bigger property but it still felt strangely intimate. We’d both had such a full on time before going away that it seemed to just come upon us and we were off.

Being married or with a long-term partner is such an adventure and, in our experience, it’s not a straight line. Your relationship is constantly shifting in what you want, what your partner wants, how you align (or if you align) and how you handle the inevitable forks in the road.

Do you notice how the sands shift in your relationships %$firstname$%? They do, whether you’re conscious of it or not. We spoke about our guest list at our wedding all those years ago and how different it would be now. Friendships have shifted, people have died or couples split up and that’s all outside of our control.

I recommend a little book for you in the Kay Recommends section below. Snowy and I did the survey in this book many years ago and it still stands today what we jointly value above other things – Quality Time. We had a whole week of this together and as much as he can drive me mad – hey, I’m allowed to say that, I know I can drive him mad too at times – he still makes me laugh aloud and surprises me. Here’s to the next 17 and so on…. My niece Grace depicted us when she was 5 years old (she’s now 22) and I don’t think we’ve changed that much %$firstname$%?!

Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work. There’s no time to do this like the present which is, after all, all we have guaranteed…

Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,


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PS – Oscar Wilde said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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What's Happening

It’s Always Your Move by Kay White

Kindle Edition

My new book is designed to be like a road map, a guide when sometimes it can be too murky to see what next career move to make which makes sense to you. Not to others, but to you %$firstname$%.

It’s just been released as a Kindle edition so you can have it with you on your tablet or telephone for guidance or inspiration when you’re on the move.

As Dame Inga Beale, the outgoing CEO of Lloyd’s of London (and first ever female one) says about the book “It’s a practical guidebook to help you confidently and strategically navigate the twists and turns and the ups and downs of your own unique career journey.”

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Do you show them what you’re made of?

Remember your brilliance so others can reward you for it.

If you’ve ever heard yourself say any of the following, it gives us a sign you’ve forgotten some of the things that you’re really good at or you’ve forgotten some of the key pieces of your career and life journey.

If you ever think these things and then you don’t speak, you’ll know you’re undervaluing yourself or being undervalued or underselling yourself.

  • “I want to be taken more seriously”

  • “I’m often treated like a secretary rather than a director”

  • “I end up undercutting myself – I give people a price for my services or the salary I want and then I undercut myself and backtrack or apologise”

Are you able to hear one or more things you’ve either said or thought in there? I can promise you I’ve heard these phrases so many times in different formats, in different ways and places. I know just like I’m sure you do, that it’s because that person saying those things doesn’t own or express the value, the importance, the difference that their work makes. So, by definition, other people don’t appreciate it, feel how they value it or how valuable it is. how they think about it. It also tells me that they don’t recognise it for themselves. And by definition, they don’t recognise or ‘market’ their worth. Aha.

Now, I never really like to think about marketing myself but, let’s be honest – you do need to be offering yourself and putting yourself forward in the workplace. Showing people what you’re about. So, try this.

If you want to think about it in a marketing sense, think about a four-bedroom house an estate agent is selling and one of the bedrooms is being used as a study. If you’re going to try sell the house, you have to turn that study-style bedroom into a bedroom again because people will look at your house and value it as a three-bedroom house with a study rather than what it is that you’re truly offering which is a four-bedroom house.

They kind of know it on one level, but one of the bedrooms is a study and they’re not seeing it as a four-bedroom house. They have to see it. And an estate agent said to me, “Never underestimate how people need to be shown that fourth bedroom rather than have to imagine it or be told about it.”

It’s the same with you and me.

Never underestimate or assume people get how special and valuable what you do really is. They have to see it or experience it or have it shown to them. Clearly. Don’t assume they can see it for you. They rarely can.

Show them what you’re made of. You owe it to yourself. Why wouldn’t you maximise the opportunities which are so close sometimes you don’t see them? If you help others see your value, they help guide you towards the opportunities too.

My ex-colleague James saw my gifts more clearly than I did and guided me on to the path to where I am now. He asked if I’d heard of coaching back in 2005 when it was virtually unheard of here in the UK. He said I’d always been approachable, smart-thinking, curious and able to connect with people quickly. He guided me to take that first step to what I’m doing now. Pay attention to what people see for you. It’s often pure gold!

I’d love to hear what you think. You can leave me a comment or a note here.

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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:
“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Smart Career Moves Mentor for Corporate Career Women www.kaywhite.com. Author of two international number 1 bestselling books: The A to Z of Being Understood and It’s Always Your Move

To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.

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“I realized how easy it is to lose your personality whilst building your career”

Hannah says “I was moving jobs and thought attending one of Kay’s Live Events was a good opportunity to have some ‘me time’ to think about how I wanted to shape my new role and I went with an open mind.

“I learnt so much! Everything from the importance of ‘driving your own bus’ in your career to how to justify your reassuringly expensive charges – and even how to comfortably pose for photos! I felt ready to start my new role with a more positive attitude – and how to add a bit of bling.

It was amazing to speak to so many interesting and inspiring women and everyone instantly felt like old friends.

I realised how easy it is to lose your personality whilst building your career and how crucial it is to avoid that if you want to progress.

You’ll be amazed by how much you’ll learn, how much confidence it will give you to go for what you want in your career – and just how much fun Kay’s events are!”

Hannah P., Family Lawyer

Kay's Owl

H is for Hannah and also for Happy, Herself, Honourable

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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The 5 Love Languages

I’ve recommended this book for years %$firstname$%. If you and your partner seem to be locking horns or have more than a few moments of ‘hmm, what just happened there?’ then this is for you. It helps define what you truly seek and value in a relationship which may or may not be the same as what your partner does.

Those moments of ‘disconnect’ become fewer when you understand your and your partner’s ‘love language’. My husband, Snowy, and I both value ‘high’ on Quality Time.

It helps to know this as we realised recently, we’d had little of it and were becoming a bit scratchy with each other. We both knew why!

You can call it ‘poppycock’ if you want to. Your choice of course %$firstname$%.

Or, you can take a look at this book and have a lot of ‘aha’ moments and then really surprise your partner in a good way… it’s not always plain sailing but easier because we understand what we both value and why.


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Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite

No slurping or spillage as you keep hydrated!

If you host teleconference calls or take part in them then this is for you! Also, if you speak on stages or host meetings – especially if microphones are involved, this is also for you. Use a straw – that’s my sparkly advice for you.

I’ve bought a ‘sippy cup’ as it’s known and use it when I speak to groups and when I host teleconferences. It doesn’t make a slurping sound when I drink, my lipstick stays in place (crucial) and if ever I knock it, it doesn’t go everywhere. I’ve even had a branded sippy cup made for my clients so they keep hydrated and remember to stay assertive, strategic and true to themselves at the same time.

When I speak to audiences I make reference to it and they always love it as it’s such a simple, savvy thing to know about and to start to use yourself.

Cheers %$firstname$%!

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About Kay

Known as the Smart Career Moves Mentor for Ambitious Corporate Career Women, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.

Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.

Kay’s clients learn how to present themselves most effectively at work and to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.

Comfortable on her feet, Kay regularly hosts Live Events (for 5 years, her annual 3-Day Live Event – Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE – has shown corporate career women how to attract promotion, recognition and rewards, all without selling their souls).

Kay is author of the two International Number 1 Best-Sellers, “The A to Z of Being Understood” and the recently launched “It’s Always Your Move” – you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com

Living close to London with rescue sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, much of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.

Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he knows he’s part of the pack.

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