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Positive Linking eZine: November 21, 2014
Volume 99 | 21 November 2014
Hello there %$firstname$%,
I’m packing and preparing to meet one of my VIP Client groups at a swanky hotel in London for a 3-day Private Retreat. Lots of things to pack and remember and we have a Retreat ‘Treat’ too. I organise something special, personal and all in the spirit of showing your true self at work. Can’t tell you what the Treat is at the moment as it’s still a surprise. Suffice to say it will be special and it involves one of the senses more than the others. Hmmm!
We’re staying near Marble Arch in the centre of London and with a client flying in from Canada to be with us, my Retreat Concierge, Alison and I are on full prep mode. Here we are in the Summer at an earlier retreat. This time we’ll be indoors more but one of our dinners has a dress code “Putting On The Glitz”. Enough said, we will.
What’s so interesting %$firstname$% is how so many women think you have to do everything yourself. I can’t imagine hosting the Retreat with such a lot of key arrangements to keep hold of and actually be mentally and energetically present with my clients, hence the importance of Alison, who looks after me and personally looks after my clients. It’s all part of the VIP path which I want my clients to experience. One client says how it makes her feel spoilt and worthy. Another says how it encourages her to consider the surroundings and support she wants for meetings she arranges. With fresh flowers, glitter, lighting and masterminding always on the menu, it really is something VIP and special which I love being part of myself.
Key for me though is to be part of it; not to be running around looking for logistical pieces, packing to leave my room etc when my clients are having breakthroughs and making career plans. Do you hold on to all the logistics? Do you outsource and let others help and support you? I recommend it.
Warmly to you %$firstname$%,
PS – Oscar Wilde said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.
Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™ LIVE Event –
Yes, it’s already in the diary! 26, 27, 28 March 2015. I’ll be hosting my annual 3-day Live Event again in London. The room’s booked and, rather appropriately, it’s called The Royal Suite. Well, it is a VIP experience %$firstname$%!
Lots of changes to the content, structure and speakers planned as I go with the flow of things myself. Oh and by the way, here’s something I’ve learned. There’s what you plan and then there’s what happens in the room. Always different, always magical. Staying open is the key!
There’s never been a better time to be a woman in business stepping up and going for what you want. To receive the recognition, rewards and opportunities you know you deserve, you need to take a stand for yourself and assert yourself – and you must do it in a way, which is true to yourself.
Take some time for yourself and press ‘Pause’ on your day-to-day ‘To Do’ list by joining us, live and in London, to consider, plan and position yourself for more success at work. Doors open shortly and half the seats are already ‘Reserved’.
As Katy Perry herself says “Baby you’re a firework, c’mon show ’em what you’re worth”
understand how to do it all while being true to yourself.
With pay review time, bonus discussions, personal development plans AND KPI measurements all happening right about now, it’s time isn’t it %$firstname$%? Time to ask for what you want and expect to get it. Not hope, hint, moan. Ask. Assertively.
As Maya Angelou said “Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it!” It’s a game-changer when you know how to and why you must just come forward and ask.
The Top Takeaway article below is just a snippet of what was included in the call.
Do you take No for an Answer?
As career women navigate their path inside corporations they so often tell me about something they ‘wish’ they could have or do or be involved in and so often my first question is “Well…..do they know that?” or “who have you asked about that?” I’m often either met with a blank stare or a gasp with ‘I couldn’t possibly ask for it?” or “Oh I’ve asked but I’m still waiting to hear…” or “what if they say NO” .
Well, it’s a good question. What if they do say No? Does it have to mean No? Could it mean something else entirely? Could you just quietly shrug your shoulders and say ‘So what’ and keep going?
Here’s the thing I know to be true. If you hold back or hope or hint OR if you wait until someone asks you, then you may be waiting a very long time. You’re also more likely to see others get offered the opportunity or the very thing you wanted and you know why? Often because you held back and didn’t ask. Outright. If you stake your claim, put yourself forward, clearly ask for what you want then you open up the doors for discussion, negotiation, opportunity, conversations which would never happen if you wait.
So, let’s consider why so many women don’t ask because they fear the word No. I believe it comes from that fear of rejection or of being or feeling crushed and embarrassed by someone rejecting your idea/request/suggestion – and that will indeed stop you if you keep that fear foremost in your mind. So, what happens when you’re rejected then? What do you do with that NO? What do you make it mean? Can you hear the power in that question – what do you make it mean? You will receive a No. More often than not, more than one. Well, so what? What if you just keep going? What if you don’t make it No to you. It’s just a No from that person. Different.
I believe it’s either one or a combination of the following, and this is where you find that place – and give yourself permission – to keep going.
Here’s what the NO can really mean:
Not now which can be translated as – “I haven’t got time to think about it and don’t want to think about it – ask me another time, just not today”
Not me –which translated would be “I don’t have a clue or I don’t want to give it to you but it’s more about me than you.”
Not you, really?? “I had no idea you wanted that or that it mattered to you – I need to think about it and have no idea what to say”
Not interested – “I’ve got too much on and I’m only really interested in what I want, not what you want – you should ask someone else”
Not my responsibility – “I have no idea what to do about that and don’t want you to know so it’s easiest to say NO to you”
Can you hear that NO isn’t about you, in fact it rarely is about you?
That’s how and why I encourage you to take on the next ‘No’ you receive when you ask for what you want because the first thing you hear may well be a No but…it doesn’t have to mean a No to you. Not anymore. Step up and ask and, keep going. If you want to hear so much more, Register here for the ‘Why Don’t You Just Ask?’ call recording.
Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?
Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:
“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.
Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”
To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, we’re always interested to hear from you. Please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right)
Lisa is a Senior Manager in a public organisation. With a lot of change in direction on the horizon, Lisa was about to announce a restructure of the team and the ways of working. We worked together to best position this for the team. She was concerned how the team will respond to the changes and what the changes will mean for them.
“Working with Kay, the language is the key thing for me. Understanding how to get my language right by using clear words, helpful words and still making sure that the message is well-received and understood. It’s amazing the difference it makes discussing it with Kay and then hearing how to make my message clearer, less emotional and more respectful of the people listening to me. The principles Kay shows you work just as well at home with my husband and 2 small boys as they do in the office. A bonus”
L is also for Listen, Learn, Leap
For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.
Plan your moves!
As a professional woman in business it’s definitely time to expect – rather than hope for – that promotion. At the very least, the opportunity to be in the frame for promotion, which is so often what women leave to chance by hoping or hinting. Phrases like “Why wasn’t I put forward for that?” My question is always “How did they know you wanted it?”
If ‘Quotas’ for Women-on-Boards are coming, how can you best position yourself to be in the right place, at the right time?
One of the ways is to assume using language like “knowing we’re supporting more women in management” or “understanding the spectre of quotas on the horizon, how can I best contribute to ….” And fill in the blanks.
I’ve lots of things planned for 2015 to help you plan your moves in a more tactical, assertive way but, for now, notice what you notice and sow some seeds %$firstname$% – you’ve nothing to lose.
Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite
Carrying your Nail Polish and Reapply!
One of the commitments I made to myself was to really look after my nails. It’s part of feeling special, looking more polished and, in truth for me, makes me feel more glam.
Instead of fretting when a nail chips or the polish gets a bit lack-lustre, I always carry the nail polish with me in my handbag. Quickly reapply and then add another coat of Top Coat. It can last up to 2 weeks that way and people notice your hands. They speak for you and how you care about yourself and how you look, even when you’re silent.
Kay White works with experienced business women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to own, position and speak of their value so their income, opportunities and confidence naturally increases. Kay combines private, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, speaking and hosting her annual 3-day Live Event ’Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE”. She also hosts her weekly podcast radio show ‘Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard’ downloadable from her site or on iTunes.
Using insights from her own 20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities as a result as Kay shows her clients how to add true, personal sparkle. Both to themselves and to what they say.
Working with Kay, her clients discover how to be assertive, attract and keep attention and then ask for and get what they want. It’s a learnable skill to ask for what you want, to persuade, influence and get other people engaged and into action – both in writing and face-to-face. Kay’s developed step-by-step systems for her clients to learn, follow and use the steps every day and everywhere.
Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’. She’s also a contributing Author in 4 other #1 best-selling books and annually hosts a 3-day Live Event in London for professional women: Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.
During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers. Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently!
Kay and her husband live close to London with their 3 rescue sighthounds. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.
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