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Positive Linking eZine: November 3, 2017
Volume 161 | 3 November 2017
Hello there %$firstname$%,
Well, I’ve been on my feet again for the first time since my Live Event – I spoke at a local Business Showcase Conference where the audience were business owners and the split of men and women was 50/50. I’m used to speaking to career women so it was good to shape-shift a bit and change what I say to fit the audience and what they wanted to hear. I love the flow of energy and inspiration which comes in moments like these %$firstname$%.
Going with the flow of where your business and career takes you and, of course, driving that change is what I’m all about. Not sitting passively and waiting. When I decided to leave insurance in 2002 and set out for ‘what’s next’ – I didn’t know exactly what that was but I certainly knew what it wasn’t going to be. No more of the same. Now, working closely with professional women in the market and industries I used to operate in myself is a true honour and also, in the spirit of evolution, feels like a circular moment. Or, going with the flow. I sense more changes on the horizon and that’s going to require even more shape-shifting.
In the meantime though, next week is all about romance! Snowy and I have been married for 16 years next week and are heading somewhere special to celebrate.
Remember %$firstname$%, always be true to yourself – no one else can be the unique, one-off, multi-faceted person you are! No one.
Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.
Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,
Let’s connect even more
PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.
NOW: Speaking, Resting and Breathing!
With a number of speaking bookings coming up (investment banks, a conference and an Insurance Network Half-DayEvent) I’m also planning to plan! Holidays, mini-breaks, mini-events AND planning for ‘nothing’ at all!
Also – speaking of speaking – if you believe I will contribute to your organisation with my talk for professional women about savvy, effective and influential communication for your business success, please let my Personal Assistant, Helen, know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
At times, there’s no substitute for the ‘LIVE’ or personalised version of You
It’s easy to get lulled into this false sense of reality isn’t it? Instead of picking up the phone to speak to someone, you drop them an email or send them a message or a text. Instead of dropping someone a note, you can instant message, Skype message or send them an eCard. Instead of going to a networking event, social gathering, exhibition or event, you can show up online. All of these ways of being in touch, of showing up on the radar, are virtually instant and take very little effort. They work too, to an extent. There’s also a darker side too, a sense of disconnectedness.
What I also know to be true is this. There is nothing like being there in-person, in-the-room and pressing the flesh with other people. The energy, the sense of connectedness, the opportunity to take yourself out of your environment and put yourself in another, all adds to the mix and what comes out of that is so very different than being ‘virtual’.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m the first to enjoy, leverage and actively revel in all the gizmos and ways of working virtually. It’s something I’ve come to love about working in this ‘small world’ way. What’s often underestimated though is how disconnected we can feel and be perceived, when we take ourselves, our personalised selves, out of the mix – often without necessarily being conscious of it.
Let me ask you a few quick questions.
Have you ever emailed someone who’s in the same room/office as you because you can’t face or make time to go across and speak to them?
Have you ever emailed someone instead of calling them as an easy ‘get out’?
Have you ever texted someone a Thank You note instead of either calling or writing them a personal note?
Do you find yourself sending an ‘Apologies’ meeting alert rather than calling the person to say you can’t attend?
Have you ever wished you’d met up with someone in person sooner rather than wasting time going back/forth on email?
I know, like me, some – or all – of your answers will be a ‘Yes’. I ask myself, just before sending an email or text, is this the best way to be in touch today? Clients constantly tell me that they can’t “get people to do what they want them to” or they struggle to get people to respond to them. When pressed, it’s often because they lack connection with the other person/s. That’s where the secret of ‘pressing the flesh’ or personalising can change things in an instant.
You don’t have to spend your life bouncing around the world on planes or being so busy going to meetings or writing notes you never give yourself time to implement or think. No, of course not.
Here are 5 starters for you if you decide to show up ‘personally’ more than you are.
When you go to email someone, pick up the phone and call instead. Even if you leave a voicemail and send an email afterwards, you connected, you made the effort. They hear your ‘real life’ voice. It means something, to them.
Instead of sending an RSVP by email – call or drop a personal, hand-written note instead. Your voice, your writing all counts more as you being ‘in person’.
When you look at an invitation and think “No, too busy” – just ask yourself “How can I make it work so I can go?” so you let people see you and be with you, as you with them.
When you do decide to show up in person, instead of hanging with people you know, challenge yourself to meet and greet at least 5 people you’ve never met before. You only have to be open to asking them a few questions and, off you go!
When you’re with other people, be more interested in them, rather than being interested in them being interested in you. That’s where the true magic is – they magically become more interested in you anyway – aha!
Daniel Goleman who wrote the transformational – and much quoted – book ‘Emotional Intelligence’ says “When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection – or compassionate action.” I believe he’s right.
A big piece of that is coming forward to make a personalised – not impersonalised – connection. Go on, I dare you.
Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?
Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it: “Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.
Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”
To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.
A is for Ann a Director, Private Health Care Company in the UK. Responsible for £100 million part of the business, when we started working together Ann felt alienated from her team and unappreciated by her senior management.
“Before working with Kay I thought communication mentoring was counselling and that I certainly did not need it. Working with Kay couldn’t be more different – inter-active, thought-provoking, confronting and good fun at the same time. I was feeling an outsider with my team as I had such a short fuse and my frustration kept bubbling up. I’m so much more open-minded and willing to learning new ways of approaching problems. It’s as if Kay’s a secret member of my team in fact and helps me plan my moves with care.
I’ve learned how my behaviour can make things happen and I modify my approach, I pause and pay attention to my language. People notice the difference in me. Kay’s style is fun and challenges you and with Kay’s thoughtful questioning and strategy, I’ve been promoted twice since we’ve been working together.”
Ais for Ann AND Astute, Agile, Attitude
For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day.
‘Mrs Moneypenny’s Careers Advice for Ambitious Women’ is a rocking read for women who know they want to show up and step up in business. It’s just as helpful for women who run their own businesses as it is for those of you working in organisations or corporations.
Mrs Moneypenny is the alter-ego of Heather McGregor – a successful business owner, wife, mother and writer of a regular column in the weekend Financial Times. It’s been one of my Saturday morning treats for years. She talks straight and, as Merryn Somerset Webb, Editor-in-Chief of ‘Moneyweek’ says “Equal parts provocative, hilarious and wise – want to get ahead? Then just do what Mrs M. tells you.”
It’s been out for a while but I reread it recently and recommend it to you %$firstname$%.
Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite
Easy to say AND so worth it.
How can you let go of how toxic people in your life ‘should’ be behaving and not take part in the games people play %$firstname$%?
It’s a mindset shift which SO serves us. More on this soon.
Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert for Ambitious Women in Business, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.
Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.
Kay’s clients learn how to present themselves most effectively at work and to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.
Comfortable on her feet, Kay regularly hosts Live Events (for 5 years, her annual 3-Day Live Event – Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE – has shown corporate career women how to attract promotion, recognition and rewards, all without selling their souls). Stay tuned for news about a suite of Day of Magic Experience Events.
Kay is author of the Number 1 Best-Seller “The A to Z of Being Understood” and you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com
Living close to London with rescue sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, much of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside. Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he knows he’s part of the pack.