Positive Linking eZine: November 30, 2018

kay white enewsletter

Volume 185 | 30 November 2018

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Hello There

Hello there %$firstname$%,

Well, I’ve been very sociable and strategic at the same time of late! Hosting a one-day event in a large City law firm at the beginning of the month and then hosting a 2-day retreat for my mastermind clients last week. All carefully planned and thought about and all now delivered and enjoyed – especially by me and, of course, by those invited and involved. I always ask for feedback so I know and don’t just guess.

The one-day event was a Masterclass on Presenting with Presence and how to do that. How to enjoy being either on your feet in front of a large group or presenting in meetings, Town Halls, teleconferences. I just love getting under the bonnet of what goes on to ensure you yourself are comfortable and, at the same time, compelling so your audience stays with you (rather than plans their lunch or supper whilst you’re speaking). I know we’ve all done it %$firstname$% when someone’s been droning on rather than thinking of us and what’s interesting and important to us, the audience.

What I learned by doing and, if you will, modelling the behaviours and mindsets I encourage for the group is this. The more preparation you do, the more natural you can be. The more you’ve thought about what you want to say, what your audience is there to learn, the more your message can be spot on. We can always choose %$firstname$% and I know how much more compelling and engaging I am when I’ve done my homework. It frees you to be present in the moment when you know where you’re going and – crucially – why.

It was the same as when I hosted the two-day private Retreat for my Golden Circle clients. With my Retreat Concierge Sarah, we planned moment-by-moment with the content, whereabouts and timings. The structure is the key to being able to be present to what’s going on with the group, what happens next and then being able to be loose about how you get there. It is – at times – like herding kittens when you host a group of highly-articulate, smart women.

As someone who is an introvert – preferring small groups, quieter gatherings and thinking time – with extrovert tendencies – the ability to be super-sociable, articulate and ‘on’ – I ran out of words at one point. After a private dining room dinner with this special group of clients following a full-on day of masterminding career moves, I took myself off to bed to reboot.

We must give ourselves what we need %$firstname$% if we want to show up fully and sometimes that’s just going off to bed. Especially now – as the year-end festivities start to ramp up. See more below about how to do that without upsetting anyone…

Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work. There’s no time to do this like the present which is, after all, all we have guaranteed…

Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,


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PS – Oscar Wilde said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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What's Happening

It’s Always Your Move by Kay White

Kindle Edition

My new book is designed to be like a road map, a guide when sometimes it can be too murky to see what next career move to make which makes sense to you. Not to others, but to you %$firstname$%.

It’s just been released as a Kindle edition so you can have it with you on your tablet or telephone for guidance or inspiration when you’re on the move.

As Dame Inga Beale, the outgoing CEO of Lloyd’s of London (and first ever female one) says about the book “It’s a practical guidebook to help you confidently and strategically navigate the twists and turns and the ups and downs of your own unique career journey.”

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Just go to bed %$firstname$%

Decide what works for you and then, politely go.

Have you ever said “Yes OK” when you know you mean “No way”? Well, I know I have and now, I rarely do.

Listening to a group of experienced, professional and successful women recently, the discussion was around how to go off to bed, go off and exercise, go off and be quiet, go off and sleep when you want to when you’re away on business. If you’re out either socialising or out at a work-related engagement, the question was how to manage your time and energy with other people pulling you in a direction and telling you what you ‘should’ do.

If this sounds familiar to you well firstly, you’re not alone and secondly you owe it to yourself and your precious life energy to learn how to decide what works best for you and then politely, assertively tell others that’s what’s happening. Not apologising or squirming in any way. Just assertively put a boundary around the time you need using your energy and a few key words.

You may be someone who is always up for one more drink, one more conversation, another game of cards, one more – whatever. That’s great and I really admire it, on one level. I find though, I get to a stage, especially when I’m travelling away from home, when I need to go off. Enough is enough and I’m ready for bed, for a rest, for a swim, to make a call, to be quiet.

I’m sure you know what I mean and then there’s the pull from others.

  • “Oh come on, stay and have another X” or

  • “Don’t be a party pooper, let’s go and have a Y” or – worse –

  • “Oh you’re so boring, we’re just getting going and you’ll miss all the fun”

Well, I know and use a few choice words, an energetic stance and then you can quietly – and assertively – go. I do.

Try these on for size if you imagine being at a conference, an event, a party and you’re told you must stay when you know it’s time to go:

  • “Thank you so much %$firstname$%, I know you’ll have a brilliant time and I’m off to my bed so I can be on the ball in the morning. Have a great time” as you start to move, hold your hand out, smile and then, literally go.

  • “You have a drink for me %$firstname$% and I’m going to go for a swim now so I can enjoy dinner together this evening. See you at the bar at 7pm” as you pack up your things, stand up and start to head away intentionally.

  • “I’d love to and thanks for asking me %$firstname$% – I’m going to make a few calls first and then I may join you later” as you smile and move without apologising or feeling awkward.

What’s interesting in moments like these is how much better you feel being firm about what you want or need and not being told what you’ll do. You’ll also often find others wish they’d said the same thing as you but felt compelled to go along instead.

As a professional woman who knows building relationships is a key part of your success, you also need to know what you need. If it’s peace, space, rest, sleep then, it’s yours for the taking.

Going the extra mile when all you want it quiet is self-defeating and sometimes, as Walt Disney said “you have to leave them wanting more”.

I’d love to hear what you think. You can leave me a comment or a note here.

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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:
“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Smart Career Moves Mentor for Corporate Career Women www.kaywhite.com. Author of two international number 1 bestselling books: The A to Z of Being Understood and It’s Always Your Move

To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.

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“You can make your day-to-day communication more effective to help you feel more confident and strong.”

“Moving from the corporate world of Financial PR in London, to the not for profit sector in the South West of the UK has been a sea change for me.

Kay’s mentoring helped me get to grips with a totally different set of motivational drivers in the workplace, and build on my shared belief that reciprocation and communication are key to working life successes. The results continue to amaze me! She helped me land a senior role in an internationally active charity whose objectives I am an ardent supporter of.

Kay and what she share is a constant source of inspiration and so are her insights into how you can make your day-to-day communication more effective to help you feel more confident and strong.”

Zoe N, IT Exec. International UK-Based Charity (and Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE Participant)

Kay's Owl

Z is also for Zing, Zenith and, er, Zipperdeedooda!

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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Broaden Your Language

As a quick tip to broaden your language and add some spice and variety to it, one of the most powerful – and simple – things is to use more of is your Thesaurus! I use mine all the time. Really – all the time.

It sounds so obvious and in some ways antiquated but if you right-click on your mouse on any computer, it will bring up either the Dictionary or the Thesaurus. Just by using this more you’ll get the meaning behind the words you use and may over-use, find others and juice up your language. It’s a big piece of being noticed and of being more engaging to others.

Engaging: attractive, charming, appealing, winning.


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Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite

SO Many Uses For You!

When you’re out and about, at work then going out afterwards or on your feet speaking, this tape can save the day for you.

It’s commonly known as ‘tit tape’ and has been used for years by stylists to secure their clients into their dresses. If a cleavage line is a little more daring than normal or may reveal more than planned, this tape can ensure you avoid over-showing things.

AND the tape has many more uses too. Keeping a loose hem in place, stopping a blouse from gaping, putting a sign on the wall if necessary.

I have a little device just like this in my ‘on manoeuvres’ bag. When you show up and sparkle %$firstname$%, you want to make sure what you want to show does just that, and what you don’t want to show is kept in place!

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About Kay

Known as the Smart Career Moves Mentor for Ambitious Corporate Career Women, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.

Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.

Kay’s clients learn how to present themselves most effectively at work and to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.

Comfortable on her feet, Kay regularly hosts Live Events (for 5 years, her annual 3-Day Live Event – Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE – has shown corporate career women how to attract promotion, recognition and rewards, all without selling their souls).

Kay is author of the two International Number 1 Best-Sellers, “The A to Z of Being Understood” and the recently launched “It’s Always Your Move” – you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com

Living close to London with rescue sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, much of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.

Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he knows he’s part of the pack.

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