Positive Linking eZine: November 6, 2014


Volume 98 | 6 November 2014  

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Hello there %$firstname$%,

Well, as is so often the case, there’s a lot of bittersweet going on at the moment.  Friends struggling with illness and grief as well as celebrating brave, assertive moves in relationships.  Clients who achieve so much and then, because the business needs it, have their ambitions put on hold or funds redirected.  It causes flux and is, as I’m sure you know %$firstname$%, emotional.  That feeling of uncertainty and what to believe in and where to find more solid ground. If this describes you in any way, you’re certainly not alone.

It was truly one of the most bittersweet experiences I can remember when Snowy and I went to The Tower of London last week and saw the memorial to all those British servicemen who died in the 1914-1918 World War. The whole of the moat of the Tower of London has gradually been filling with nearly 900,000 ceramic poppies.  Each one representing a serviceman who died.  Seeing a sea of red in the moat, listening to the names being read of over 200 of the men the night we were there, was both humbling and, bittersweetly, inspiring too. We remember and acknowledge, in our way. 100 years on. We’re grateful.

You could have heard a pin drop as The Last Post was played by a Guardsman from The Coldstream Guards.  It’s bittersweet, but then, so much of life is, isn’t it?  And that’s OK.  I don’t believe in sugar-coating everything.  Sometimes you need to really feel it, whatever it is.

Warmly to you %$firstname$%,


Let’s Connect

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PS – Oscar Wilde said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™ LIVE Event –

Yes, it’s already in the diary!  26, 27, 28 March 2015.  I’ll be hosting my annual 3-day Live Event again in London.  The room’s booked and, rather appropriately, it’s called The Royal Suite. Well, it is a VIP experience %$firstname$%!

Lots of changes to the content, structure and speakers planned as I go with the flow of things myself.

Do drop your details here if you want to have all the details first.

There’s never been a better time to be a woman in business stepping up and going for what you want.  To receive the recognition, rewards and opportunities you know you deserve, you need to take a stand for yourself and assert yourself – and you must do it in a way, which is true to yourself.  

Take some time for yourself and press ‘Pause’ on your day-to-day ‘To Do’ list by joining us, live and in London, to consider, plan and position yourself for more success at work.  Doors open shortly and half the seats are already ‘Reserved’.

As Katy Perry herself says “Baby you’re a firework, c’mon show ’em what you’re worth

Or, in other words – Show Up; Sparkle and Be Heard LIVE.

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Why Don’t You Just Ask?

Do you struggle with Asking?  Asking for what you want %$firstname$%?

On Thursday 13th November I’m offering a sparkly, savvy new FREE info-packed call which will show you how ask for what you want in your career AND how to do it without feeling pushy or needy, bitchy or whingy.

“Why Don’t You Just ASK?”
Let me show you how to come forward and ask for what you want having planned your ask.  Understand how to bounce back from any ‘No’ and understand how to do it all while being true to yourself. 

With pay review time, bonus discussions, personal development plans AND KPI measurements all happening right about now, it’s time isn’t it %$firstname$%?  Time to ask for what you want and expect to get it.  Not hope, hint, moan.  Ask.  Assertively.  << Register Here

If you can’t be live, don’t worry, just make sure you Register and you’ll receive the recording access.  Your year-end “Asks” will be all the more effective as a result.  More hit than miss.

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How up close and personal are you?

There’s no substitute for the ‘LIVE’ or personalised version of You

It’s easy to get lulled into this false sense of reality isn’t it?  Instead of picking up the phone to speak to someone, you drop them an email or send them a message or a text.  Instead of dropping someone a note, you can instant message, Skype message or send them an eCard.  Instead of going to a networking event, social gathering, exhibition or event, you can show up online.  All of these ways of being in touch, of showing up on the radar, are virtually instant and take very little effort.  They work too, to an extent.  There’s also a darker side too, a sense of disconnectedness.

What I also know to be true is this.  There is nothing like being there in-person, in-the-room and pressing the flesh with other people.  The energy, the sense of connectedness, the opportunity to take yourself out of your environment and put yourself in another, all adds to the mix and what comes out of that is so very different than being ‘virtual’.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m the first to enjoy, leverage and actively revel in all the gizmos and ways of working with people virtually.  It’s something I’ve come to love about working in this ‘small world’ way.  What is often underestimated though is how disconnected we can feel and be perceived, when we take ourselves,  our personalised selves, out of the mix – often without necessarily being conscious of it.

Let me ask you a few quick questions.

  • Have you ever emailed someone who’s in the same room/office as you because you can’t face or make time to go across and speak to them?
  • Have you ever emailed someone instead of calling them as an easy ‘get out’?
  • Have you ever texted someone a Thank You note instead of either calling or writing them a personal note?
  • Do you find yourself sending an ‘Apologies’ meeting alert rather than calling the person to say you can’t attend?
  • Have you ever wished you’d met up with someone in person sooner rather than wasting time going back/forth on email?

I know, like me, some – or all – of your answers will be a ‘Yes’.  I ask myself, just before sending an email or text, is this the best way to be in touch today?  Clients constantly tell me that they can’t “get people to do what they want them to” or  they struggle to get people to respond to them.  When pressed, it’s often because they lack connection with the other person/s.  That’s where the secret of ‘pressing the flesh’ or personalising can change things in an instant.

You don’t have to spend your life bouncing around the world on planes or being so busy going to meetings or writing notes you never give yourself time to implement or think.  No, of course not. 

Here are 5 starters for you if you decide to show up ‘personally’ more than you are.

  1. When you go to email someone, pick up the phone and call instead.  Even if you leave a voicemail and send an email afterwards, you connected, you made the effort.  They hear your ‘real life’ voice.  It means something, to them.
  2. Instead of sending an RSVP by email – call or drop a personal, hand-written note instead.  Your voice, your writing all counts more as you being ‘in person’.
  3. When you look at an invitation and think “No, too busy” – just ask yourself “How can I make it work so I can go?” so you let people see you and be with you, as you with them.
  4. When you do decide to show up in person, instead of hanging with people you know, challenge yourself to meet and greet at least 5 people you’ve never met before.  You only have to be open to asking them a few questions and, off you go!
  5. When you’re with other people, be more interested in them, rather than being interested in them being interested in you.  That’s where the true magic is – they magically become more interested in you anyway – aha!

Daniel Goleman who wrote the transformational – and much quoted – book  ‘Emotional Intelligence’ says “When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large.  But when we focus on others, our world expands.  Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection – or compassionate action.”  I believe he’s right. 

A big piece of that is coming forward to make a personalised – not impersonalised – connection.  Go on, I dare you.


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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:

“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.


Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”


To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, we’re always interested to hear from you. Please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right)

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Hannah says was moving jobs and thought attending Kay’s Live Event was a good opportunity to have some ‘me time’ to think about how I wanted to shape my new role and I went with an open mind.

I learnt so much! Everything from the importance of ‘driving your own bus’ in your career to how to justify your reassuringly expensive charges – and even how to comfortably pose for photos! I felt ready to start my new role with a more positive attitude – and how to add a bit of bling.

It was amazing to speak to so many interesting and inspiring women and everyone instantly felt like old friends.

I realised how easy it is to lose your personality whilst building your career and how crucial it is to avoid that if you want to progress.

You’ll be amazed by how much you’ll learn, how much confidence it will give you to go for what you want in your career – and just how much fun this Event is!

Hannah P., Family Lawyer


Kay's OwlH is also for Heard, Honest, High-flyer

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.wayforwardsolutions.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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The 5 Love Languages

BookI’ve recommended this book for years %$firstname$%.  If you and your partner seem to be locking horns or have more than a few moments of ‘hmm, what just happened there?’ then this is for you.  It helps define what you truly seek and value in a relationship which may or may not be the same as what your partner does. 

Those moments of ‘disconnect’ become fewer when you understand your and your partner’s ‘love language’. My husband, Snowy, and I both value ‘high’ on Quality Time.

It helps to know this as we realised recently, we’d had little of it and were becoming a bit scratchy with each other.  We both knew why!

You can call it ‘poppycock’ if you want to.  Your choice of course %$firstname$%.  Or, you can take a look at this book and have a lot of ‘aha’ moments and then really surprise your partner in a good way…  Snowy and I are about to celebrate 13 years of marriage.  Not always plain sailing but easier because we understand what we both value and why.


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Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite

Wear your name badge where it can be seen!

Simple and so effective. When you go to an event, a networking evening, a meeting and a name badge is given to you, which side do you pin it?  If you’re like me – and most other people – you’ll normally pin it on your left side.  I did until someone told me this simple step.

Pin it on your right-hand side instead.  Just below your shoulder on your right.  Why?  Because when you extend your hand to greet someone and introduce yourself, their eyes are naturally heading towards your right shoulder, which is also naturally heading towards them.  They can immediately see your name and hear your name at the same time.  It’s easier for them to remember your name. 

Aha, see.  I told you it was simple and effective and %$firstname$% by helping other people to remember your name, it simply helps you to stay on their radar assuming, of course, you want to!


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About Kay White

Kay White works with experienced business women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to own, position and speak of their value so their income, opportunities and confidence naturally increases. Kay combines private, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, speaking and hosting her annual 3-day Live Event ’Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE”. She also hosts her weekly podcast radio show ‘Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard’ downloadable from her site or on iTunes.

Using insights from her own 20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities as a result as Kay shows her clients how to add true, personal sparkle. Both to themselves and to what they say.

Working with Kay, her clients discover how to be assertive, attract and keep attention and then ask for and get what they want. It’s a learnable skill to ask for what you want, to persuade, influence and get other people engaged and into action – both in writing and face-to-face. Kay’s developed step-by-step systems for her clients to learn, follow and use the steps every day and everywhere. 

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’. She’s also a contributing Author in 4 other #1 best-selling books and annually hosts a 3-day Live Event in London for professional women:  Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.

During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers. Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently!

Kay and her husband live close to London with their 3 rescue sighthounds. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.

Find out much more at www.kaywhite.com

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