Positive Linking eZine: October 10, 2014


Volume 97 |10 October 2014  

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Hello there %$firstname$%,I don’t know about you but sometimes I just feel the need to be quiet. Really quiet. The combination of all the calls I have with colleagues and clients, the chats with friends and the rough and tumble conversations with people I bump into all over the place. I used to wonder if it was just me or if there was something ‘wrong’ with me that I needed to retreat, to be on my own, to be quiet. Now I know better.

It’s about managing my energy, being able to be ‘out’ and show up in a big way means I need to be ‘in’ and quiet, reflective and in-my-head.  It’s taken me a while to understand that about myself as people have always told me how confident, sociable and chatty I am.  Sometimes and sometimes not.  I used to feel the need to apologise when I took myself off to be quiet.  Not anymore %$firstname$%. Being able to show up and sparkle as I know I do, means taking myself off and regrouping.  Quietly.  Often.  Having spoken at 2 events in the last week, run 2 big group calls and hosted a ‘slam dunk’ dinner playing cards whilst quaffing Gin & Tonics with close friends, I’m OK being quiet for a few days.  Yesterday I was speaking to a group right at the top of the Canary Wharf Tower!  Out again.  Now quiet again.

Do you find you apologise because you’re going for what you want %$firstname$%, do you feel you need to say sorry when, in truth, you’re not?  Well, see what I’ve written for you below about that.  Oh and by the way, as I prepare to host a half-day live event next week for a large group of clients, I’m quietly smiling here at Sparkle Central as I gather all the pieces together and, of course, add some glitter to things.  The emphasis is on the word quietly.  Shhhhhh.

Warmly to you %$firstname$%,


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PS – Oscar Wilde said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™ LIVE Event –

Yes, it’s already in the diary! 26, 27, 28 March 2015. I’ll be hosting my annual 3-day Live Event again in London. The room’s booked and, rather appropriately, it’s called The Royal Suite. Well, it is a VIP experience %$firstname$%!

Do drop your details here if you want to have all the details first.

There’s never been a better time to be a woman in business stepping up and going for what you want. To receive the recognition, rewards and opportunities you know you deserve, you need to take a stand for yourself and assert yourself – and you must do it in a way, which is true to yourself.

Take some time for yourself and press ‘Pause’ on your day-to-day ‘To Do’ list by joining us, live and in London, to consider, plan and position yourself for more success at work.  Doors open in October and half the seats are already ‘Reserved’.

As Katy Perry herself says “Baby you’re a firework, c’mon show ’em what you’re worth

Or, in other words – Show Up; Sparkle and Be Heard LIVE.

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Short, snappy soundbites on the GO!

Stay Tuned – iTuned

My weekly podcast:  Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard on iTunes.  Weekly savvy communication sound bites and strategies to help you navigate the waters at work and delivered straight to your computer, tablet, iPod – whatever device you use to access audios.  Here’s where you can Subscribe AND leave a Review.

With downloads from Taiwan, Australia, Malaysia, Sri Lanka, Spain, Romania, India, Germany, New Zealand, France, USA, Canada AND the UK to name just some of the territories, it’s fair to say we’ve “gone global” here at Sparkle Central!  Please take a moment to Subscribe (so much juice in there for you) and to leave a Review. It makes all the difference AND you know how I believe in asking.  

You can hear me share more examples from the Top Takeaway below on Episode 004 of the Podcast here.

Stars by HelenaC2276 from UK on July 8, 2014 

Brilliant snippets of advice and hints and tips on how to progress in both your professional and personal life all wrapped up in short and easy to listen to podcasts. Anyone who knows Kay or has heard her speak will recognise her clear and practical insight into how to be successful with confidence, ease and a lot of sparkle. I listen to these on my way to work and they set me up for the day. Highly recommended. 

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Stop Being Ignored at Work

Take 50% off as a Gift!

To celebrate us heading into the final quarter of 2014 (or Q4 as it’s so neatly referred to) and setting you up for success for a rocking year end, here’s an opportunity for you.

If you struggle to get your point across in meeting, in emails or on calls – take a look at Stop Being IgnoredMy popular fully-downloadable product.  Let me take you by the hand and show you all the steps I use and my clients use to craft more compelling messages day-to-day to prompt quicker, more positive responses.

Use the code:  > Q4gift < at the checkout and take 50% off.  There are a couple of sparkly bonuses in there too %$firstname$%.  I’m always looking at ways to add value for you so see what you think. It makes it even easier for you to join me in March, live and in person together.  Remember to use the code Q4gift.

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Stop Saying Sorry

Especially if you don’t really mean it.

“I’m so sorry, Oh sorry about that , hey there sorry to bother you, Oh, sorry it’s only me” – and on it goes.  Saying sorry when, in truth, we don’t really mean we’re sorry —it’s often more about something to say than necessary and it’s a slippery, dangerous slope if you want to be taken seriously at work.

When I sat with a client, let’s call her Hilary, for the first time, we talked about what she thought was going on which meant she felt so stuck, so undervalued, so small – as she said. 

As I sat with Hilary that first meeting, I quietly noticed how many times she said ‘sorry’ – it was about 15 times in the first explanation of her career history and after a while I was conscious of listening less to the story and the details and listening more for the number of times she said “Sorry".

Because here’s the thing – it wasn’t that she was actually sorry, she didn’t need to apologise to me for anything, it was more that it was a habit and it was something to say.  Nerves and habit.  I knew that before we could go anywhere with her being more assertive or being more confident in any other areas, we needed to address the sorry word. 

Unless you truly are sorry, you’ve made a mess up or upset someone and want to apologise, my advice is to avoid the word.  At best it’s irritating for the other person as they start to count or wonder what’s wrong with you or at worst, people start to question your abilities and whether you believe you’re any good or worthy of things if you constantly apologise. 

“Sorry but” or “Sorry no” or “Sorry to say” actually does 2 things in the moment – it tells you something’s up, that I think something’s not right and you actually can put people on the defensive or on the look out for some bad news.

There is a gender thing going on here too and it’s worth noting.  As women, we’re hard-wired to keep the peace, to help relationships flourish and we don’t like, as a rule to upset people.  It’s often why so many women shy away from conflict. 

I want to invite you to watch and notice if and how other people apologise and the effect it has on you. 

  • Notice if it is just something to say OR if they genuinely mean it.  Also, notice yourself – if you don’t really mean it, you’ve just got the feeling you need to say something, then just stay silent. 
  • Pause.  Take a breath and here’s something else to say instead.  Say “thanks.”   Thank you. 
  • Instead of ‘Oh, sorry for interrupting’ you can say “thanks for sparing me a moment” or instead of saying “Sorry if I’m going on too long” you can say “thanks for giving me your attention a little while longer”

No apology, just you with your view or your request which is just as valid as everyone else’s and that’s where you become a more effective, confident and comfortable communicator.  It’s also when you know that what you have to offer and share makes a difference and has value.  No apology needed.


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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:

“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.


Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”


To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, we’re always interested to hear from you. Please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right)

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Client SuccessN and I started working together when she was first appointed to the Senior Management Team of a large public organisation.  Her boss wanted her to become more assertive and more comfortable about her decisions to enable her to delegate more.  Projects were being held up and deadlines missed as she felt she had to keep referring things upwards.

The key for me is Kay showing me how to and when to ask better questions and to know it’s OK to  “not know” or be a bit confused at times. Now I just ask another question and I listen closely.  I thought I had to know all the answers straight away once I was promoted.  I don’t worry so much now and this makes me feel much more at ease.  It’s much more comfortable now being out of my comfort zone.   I’m enjoying the managerial side to my job now as I’m starting to get results where I was struggling. 

Kay's OwlN is for Natural, Negotiator, Now

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.wayforwardsolutions.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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Eat that FrogEat That Frog!  This classic book by Brian Tracy is a true get-going inspirational read with 21 ways to get over and blast through procrastination.  It is, after all, Q4.  If you’re going to go for it for 2014, you better get going!

The idea of the book being that if you had a selection of things on your plate and had to eat them all…and one of them was a frog, chances are that the frog is the last thing you’d want to eat.  Brian recommends, eat it first.

If you “Eat that Frog” and get the worst thing done first, you’re off and on your way to being more productive and inspired for the rest of your day.  OK, I’ve got a frog to go off and eat.  You?

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Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite

Rose ShoesAs women we all, in general, love shoes – all shapes, sizes, colours and heights – whether we can walk in them or not!

When you’re making that ‘what shall I wear today?’ decision, think about which part of you will mostly be on show or show up that day?  If you’re going to be sitting in a meeting, sitting down at lunch, sadly your shoes will largely go unnoticed.  Consider your top half and that all important area around your face.  A scarf, a bit of bling, a top with some colour in.   There’s an energy you project, a message you send when people look at your face and they won’t see it in your shoes – or your rocking handbag –  if you’re mainly sitting down.  

What’s with all the black and grey and blending in for women in organisations these days?  Don’t get me started just yet…..

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About Kay White

Kay White works with experienced business women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to own, position and speak of their value so their income, opportunities and confidence naturally increases. Kay combines private, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, speaking and hosting her annual 3-day Live Event ’Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE”. She also hosts her weekly podcast radio show ‘Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard’ downloadable from her site or on iTunes.

Using insights from her own 20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities as a result as Kay shows her clients how to add true, personal sparkle. Both to themselves and to what they say.

Working with Kay, her clients discover how to be assertive, attract and keep attention and then ask for and get what they want. It’s a learnable skill to ask for what you want, to persuade, influence and get other people engaged and into action – both in writing and face-to-face. Kay’s developed step-by-step systems for her clients to learn, follow and use the steps every day and everywhere. 

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’. She’s also a contributing Author in 4 other #1 best-selling books and annually hosts a 3-day Live Event in London for professional women:  Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.

During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers. Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently!

Kay and her husband live close to London with their 3 rescue sighthounds. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.

Find out much more at www.kaywhite.com

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