Positive Linking eZine: October 23, 2014


Volume 97 | 23 October 2014  

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Hello there %$firstname$%,

So, in the spirit of going with the flow, I’m just putting away all the bits and bobs (and glitter) from hosting 2 half-day live events last week.  The first for VIP clients and their guests on a boat close to Westminster and the second for the women’s network at Lloyd’s of London.  Crikey, it was quite a week.

Talk about evolution.  It was amazing to be together with my VIP clients and hear their stories, discuss the ways to put yourself forward and actually ask for what you want at work (vs hinting or hoping for it) and the audience always ‘teaches’ as much as I do.  I know that.  I lean in and listen.  Closely.

Then, the following day, I returned to my old stamping ground%$firstname$%.  With my +20 year corporate career in one of the Top 4 global insurance brokers, speaking at Lloyd’s of London was a real ‘well, here we are again’ moment.  It’s all about evolving isn’t it? 

Going with the flow of where your business and career takes you and, of course, driving that change.  I know when I decided to leave insurance in 2002 and set out for ‘what’s next’ – I didn’t know exactly what that was but I certainly knew what it wasn’t going to be.  No more of the same.  Now, working closely with professional women in the market I used to operate in myself is a true joy and also, in the spirit of evolution, a circular moment. Or, going with the flow.

Warmly to you %$firstname$%,


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PS – Oscar Wilde said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™ LIVE Event –

Yes, it’s already in the diary!  26, 27, 28 March 2015.  I’ll be hosting my annual 3-day Live Event again in London.  The room’s booked and, rather appropriately, it’s called The Royal Suite. Well, it is a VIP experience %$firstname$%! Lots of changes to the content, structure and speakers planned as I go with the flow of things myself.

Do drop your details here if you want to have all the details first.

There’s never been a better time to be a woman in business stepping up and going for what you want.  To receive the recognition, rewards and opportunities you know you deserve, you need to take a stand for yourself and assert yourself – and you must do it in a way, which is true to yourself.  

Take some time for yourself and press ‘Pause’ on your day-to-day ‘To Do’ list by joining us, live and in London, to consider, plan and position yourself for more success at work.  Doors open in October and half the seats are already ‘Reserved’.

As Katy Perry herself says “Baby you’re a firework, c’mon show ’em what you’re worth

Or, in other words – Show Up; Sparkle and Be Heard LIVE.

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Short, snappy soundbites on the GO!

Stay Tuned – iTuned

My weekly podcast:  Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard on iTunes.  Weekly savvy communication sound bites and strategies to help you navigate the waters at work and delivered straight to your computer, tablet, iPod – whatever device you use to access audios.  Here’s where you can Subscribe AND leave a Review.

With downloads from Taiwan, Australia, Malaysia, Sri Lanka, Spain, Romania, India, Germany, New Zealand, France, USA, Canada AND the UK to name just some of the territories, it’s fair to say we’ve “gone global” here at Sparkle Central!  Please take a moment to Subscribe (so much juice in there for you) and to leave a Review. It makes all the difference AND you know how I believe in asking.

Stars by HelenaC2276 from UK on July 8, 2014 

Brilliant snippets of advice and hints and tips on how to progress in both your professional and personal life all wrapped up in short and easy to listen to podcasts. Anyone who knows Kay or has heard her speak will recognise her clear and practical insight into how to be successful with confidence, ease and a lot of sparkle. I listen to these on my way to work and they set me up for the day. Highly recommended. 

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Coming Soon!

Do you struggle with Asking?  Asking for what you want %$firstname$%?

Stay tuned for a savvy, smart and very strategic new training call I have up my sleeve for you.

I’ll let you know about it very shortly and if you struggle to come forward at work and ask for – and expect to have people say Yes to you – then, save the date. 

Thursday 13th November at 8pm.  More soon.


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Are You “Should-ing” All Over Everyone?

3 Easy Ways for People to Take On Your Advice

“Now, what you should do is…”  “Well, it’s obvious, you should do this, then you should do that and then you should tell them you’ve done it”.

Should do.  What you should do and what you want to and actually do are often very different things.  Even if the advice we’ve been given is spot on, the fact that we’ve been told we ‘should’ do it is often the very reason we don’t follow it or take it on.  So if that’s the reaction we have, it’s the reaction that others will have when we ‘should’ all over them.  Hmmm.

There’s something innately irritating to be told we should be doing something.  It implies – this is the subtle, savvy part to understand – it implies that we’re not doing something right and that the other person is wiser that we are.  It’s implicit that we’ve missed a trick and they haven’t.  That they know better exactly what will work for us. Grrrrr.  That’s the feeling that so often comes up.  Well, in reality, we know best – better than anyone – what works for us and as we all know, making a decision ourselves and then sticking to it is always more powerful than carrying out other people’s advice.  We own the outcome and, as such, are responsible for the result. (Or, in this case, response-able).

One of the big pieces of being an influential business woman at work is putting across your ideas, suggestions, or advice and letting the other person decide for themselves how, and/or if, it will work for them.  It then becomes their decision, their action.  This principle applies just as effectively, if not more so, at home with our families and friends!  How many times have you said “Oh, you should just say..” at home and been met with a bored or stoney face?

So, how do you get across your idea, suggestion, advice without ‘shoulding’ all over people by saying “what you should do is” or “I think you should…”?

Here are 3 quick and easy ways which work, for you to try out:

  1. Start with “I’ve got an idea for you..” – this way you’re putting out that it’s only an idea and it’s for you to contemplate and understand if and how it will work.  By saying “I’ve got” you’re telling the other person “OK, I’m ready with something that I think you’ll want but it’s up to you what you do with it”.
  2. Say “Can I make a suggestion here?” – again, you’re putting across that you have something to offer and you want to get their buy-in before you just throw it at them.  9 times out of 10, if you’ve read the situation and your relationship correctly, the other person will say “yes please”. 

  3. Think aloud – “hmmm, that’s tricky, now I wonder if…” – you can hear (and feel) that you’re firstly empathising that they have an issue or something tricky going on ie, they’re not an idiot – and saying “I wonder if” is a pensive, non-confrontational way of offering your thought or suggestion.

As with all of the 3 ideas above, avoiding the ‘should’ word once you start with these phrases is crucial.  Remember, by offering your thoughts in a less fixed way, you leave the other person open to taking on what you think but without your judgement (intentional or otherwise) behind it.

So, can I make a suggestion here? Try these phrases on for size the next time you feel yourself about to say “well, you should” or “oh, it’s obvious, what you should do is…” You’ll notice the difference in how easily the other person’s take on what you think and if they ignore you then at least they know you contributed your thoughts. Just like Snowy, my husband does, when it comes to my cooking – they have two choices. Take it. Or leave it. I bet they’ll take it more often than not!

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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:

“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.


Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”


To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, we’re always interested to hear from you. Please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right)

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S.P. was a Director, major global bank who’d got stuck, frustrated and felt very undervalued at work.  Well, not anymore!  She attended Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE in 2013 and…fairly soon after, attracted a new role and was so thrilled. She was sad to miss attending the 2014 Event but she was in New York meeting her new colleagues!  SO proud of her.

I was intrigued by the title of the event! The idea of having access to all the like-minded professional women Kay attracts really motivated me to come. I didn’t want it to end!

I’ve learned so much about myself both from Kay and what she shares and from the generous sharing of other women in the audience. I would never have got access to the sorts of things I’ve learned if I hadn’t had the sense to come here.

I know I’m richer as a result of being here. I’ve opened up to how I can do things differently to realise my potential, be a better person, earn more money and really be much happier in myself.

Kay’s so thoughtful and has a way of understanding what you need before you do and she’s very warm, real and really, really great fun! Be open – what have you got to lose? For a small investment you can get huge access to ways to be truly extraordinary – learn from Kay.


Kay's OwlS is also for Sparkly, Special and Savvy!

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.wayforwardsolutions.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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We often underestimate how far we’ve come in all the day-to-day rushing around ‘doing’. I’m much more mindful these days of where I am as opposed to where I was.  It guides me and keeps me grounded in what I’ve achieved rather than always looking for the next ‘goal’.  What about you %$firstname$%?  Do you notice and acknowledge how far you’ve come?

Let me share a little bit of ‘memory lane’ with you.  I launched my very first eZine in October 2010,  It was a bit clunky and certainly less glittery and yet, as I look at it, it was still ‘good to go’.  I took a leap long before I was ready and and now, 4 years on and nearly 100 issues later, I haven’t missed one. 

Commitment to show up and share with you every-other week.  What are you committing to without faltering or questioning yourself too much %$firstname$%?


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Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite

ZipperDo you ever struggle with a zipper on either a handbag, purse or – in fact – any type of zipper?  Stay with me, I know it may sound as if I’m planting a double-entendre suggestion around stuck zippers but, I am!  

I once took a bag back to a rather smart shop because the dratted zipper kept getting stuck.  The assistant just took a simple pencil from the drawer of her desk and, whilst chatting with me, moved the lead on the pencil over all the teeth of the zipper a few times.  She sharpened the pencil again and did it some more.  

SusannaBingo!  Shazam!  It worked a treat and the bag zip just opened with ease.  I was stunned.

Always one for liking small, subtle and simple changes to make things easier day-to-day,  this one’s for you.

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About Kay White

Kay White works with experienced business women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to own, position and speak of their value so their income, opportunities and confidence naturally increases. Kay combines private, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, speaking and hosting her annual 3-day Live Event ’Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE”. She also hosts her weekly podcast radio show ‘Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard’ downloadable from her site or on iTunes.

Using insights from her own 20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities as a result as Kay shows her clients how to add true, personal sparkle. Both to themselves and to what they say.

Working with Kay, her clients discover how to be assertive, attract and keep attention and then ask for and get what they want. It’s a learnable skill to ask for what you want, to persuade, influence and get other people engaged and into action – both in writing and face-to-face. Kay’s developed step-by-step systems for her clients to learn, follow and use the steps every day and everywhere. 

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’. She’s also a contributing Author in 4 other #1 best-selling books and annually hosts a 3-day Live Event in London for professional women:  Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.

During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers. Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently!

Kay and her husband live close to London with their 3 rescue sighthounds. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.

Find out much more at www.kaywhite.com

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