Positive Linking eZine: September 16, 2016

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Volume 139 |  16 September 2016  

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Hello There

Hello there %$firstname$%,

There’s a lot of letting go going on around here at the moment. Letting go of holding too tight for all my Event plans and allowing it to naturally evolve. Not natural for me but necessary for me! Letting go of having to know everything about a gig I’ve agreed to play drums at and being comfortable being uncomfortable, knowing it will all work out (and that I’ll be practicing my toes off!). AND a big letting go of our niece and nephew, Grace and Fraser, as they both set off this month to their respective Universities.

It’s so exciting for them and, at the same time, it’s such a shift to get used to – them being elsewhere, coming and going and doing their things. All as it should be, of course, but hard at the same time. Not ever having had kiddies, it feels hard as it is, and for my dear sister Claire the adjustment is going to be huge. It is though, the order of things isn’t it %$firstname$%?

We decided to have a Day of Magic with Grace and Fraser. To hit London and do some things together we hadn’t done. Snowy and Fraser went to The Tower of London and had a private tour by a Beefeater friend of Snowy’s. Grace and I went to Buckingham Palace and saw various Staterooms, amazing paintings and a fabulous exhibition of the Queen’s dresses. She’s so tiny! Grace and I felt like fairy elephants next to the mannequins with the Queen’s clothes on. After a quick trip to Fortnum & Mason, we all met for dinner and then went on to see Mama Mia, the Abba sing-along-loudly show. Phew what a day.

It was very special to hang out like that and to make memories together. You realise, if you’re lucky, how making time and making things happen (rather than just talking about them) is a skill and it takes commitment. We all loved every moment and, to quote Abba “Love is always around and you can look for it anywhere. When you feel that you’ve found it, my advice is to take good care. Never use it as a selfish tool. Never ever be such a fool. Every feeling you’re showing is a boomerang you’re throwing.”

Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.

Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,


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PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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What's Happening

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™

3-Day LIVE Event 2016 – The 2.0 Version

>>>>We’re 70% full already. Are you meant to be with us?

This is a unique opportunity for corporate women, just like you, to work out how to attract more income AND opportunities to lead with your value – without having to sell your soul.

Women from industries such as Banking, Insurance, IT, Asset Management, Hospitality, Accountancy, Law, Compliance are already joining us and – so can you!

There’s never been a better time to be a woman in business stepping up and going for what you want. To attract and leverage opportunities for promotion, recognition, rewards you need to take a stand for yourself and assert yourself – and you must do it in a way, which is true to yourself.

Take some time for yourself and press ‘Pause’ on your day-to-day ‘To Do’ list by joining us, live and in London, to consider, plan and position yourself for more purposeful – and accelerated – career success at work. On your terms.

Being so ill back in June and deciding to reschedule was a BIG decision but one which just felt right. IF I host this Event again, it won’t be until October 2017 so if you’re wanting career acceleration and confidence boosting strategies for work (and your life) then NOW is the time to join us all. You’ll be amazed at what you can make happen in between now and October 2017 with what you’ll learn at the Event.

I encourage you to shift your diary about and join me if you want to:

  • earn more money AND own your own earning power

  • be offered more interesting and challenging opportunities in your organisation or industry

  • AND negotiate for yourself from a position of certainty – let me show you where your own version of ‘sparkle’ can be found, then join me and all the experienced and insightful women you’ll meet at the Event.

>>> Bonus Seat Price: If you use the code: LEMONADE at checkout TODAY, you can take £200 off the seat price.

Here’s where you can find out all the details of what’s on offer for you.

Remember the code: LEMONADE.

I only wish I could have gone to an Event like this when I was navigating the choppy waters of my own 20+ year corporate career.

Or, in other words – Show Up; Sparkle and Be Heard LIVE.

Here’s a Snapshot of all that’s on offer for you!

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It Starts With Your First Ask – (However Faltering)

Practicing the muscle which takes you further, faster. Your ‘ask’ muscle.

With palms sweating and my heart thumping I read it through one more time. All my notes seemed to blur together as I thought about stating my case for something I was passionate about – but doubted I had the courage for. We’ve all been there haven’t we? “If only I could… but then I’d have to put myself out there” – that feeling.

So, in I went.

My boss was sitting at his desk absorbed in something and, as he often did, was breathing a bit like a bull ready to charge. I kept walking in. A bit as if I had to be pushed.

He looked up. “So, what is it you want to talk about Kay?” – and, in faltering French, with an accent which clearly needed some polish, I told him that I wanted to go to work and live in France, to work out of our Paris office and to be able to negotiate in French. I told him all this in French. And, I told him, I wanted him to sponsor most of it.

He stopped me just as I’d got going. “Ah, no Kay, you don’t use the formal ‘Vous’ with me, we know each other, use Tu/Toi with me”. What? I hadn’t practiced that version. My French teacher, Roxanne – yes that really was her name – had assumed I’d be formal with my boss.

I started again. “Alors, je voudrais presenter quelque chose a toi” etc. Good grief, as if it wasn’t hard enough already. Anyway, I stuttered through it with my brain doing somersaults trying to catch up.

Looking back I suppose I could have just asked him in English. I could have explained all the reasons why it would be great, how I’d be able to contribute, how it would boost relationships with our Paris office etc. But that wasn’t a stretch and, as I’d learned working with him, he was someone who admired ‘chutzpah’ – to make a case for this dream of mine, I needed to show how I’d already committed to it with my own version of chutzpah.

What was so interesting about this approach was how it elevated me in his eyes, and in my own. He told me “that was a brave thing to do” and “what are you prepared to commit to make happen for the business do if we make this happen for you?”. I switched to English here….

As a result of this request which was an ‘ask’ with so many ramifications, I did go to live in Paris for 6 months, paid for by the company. I had private tuition, lived in a cute studio in a great part of Paris and worked for the company, negotiating and contributing and representing London – and making many people laugh with my errors.

But here’s the thing. The initial ‘ask’ was just the start. The stretching and learning continued throughout the whole experience but the initial ‘ask’ taught me 3 key lessons. Lessons to help you stand out at work – and get the ‘Yes’ you’re hoping for.

Working with ambitious, and often frustrated career women as I do now, these lessons guide my work. I often ‘dare’ my clients to do the thing they think they can’t. Calculated risks, saying “yes” before you’re ready, taking action and working it out as you go – it’s a surefire way to accelerate your progress, and boost your income, at work.

The 3 key lessons:

  • Be Memorable. Rather than the off the cuff approach, think and plan our approach and make it interesting.

  • Be Audacious. If you want X, Y & Z – ask for them all. You may be thrilled with just X & Y but if you ask for everything, you can always negotiate. Be prepared to give a little away and still get what you want.

  • Be Brave. I could have sent a note, asked one of my French colleagues to suggest it but that wouldn’t have worked in the same way. I wasn’t showing my commitment in the same way.

I’d love to hear what you think. You can leave me a comment or a note here.

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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:
“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.

Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”

To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.

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“This is a great Event if you want to move your career forward.”

“I came last year and went away and made some significant moves. I’m here again to learn more from Kay and to share my stories. No question is a silly one and everyone is encouraged to share because as Kay says “you teach as you share” and I’ve learned how that’s true. My husband was a little anxious about what the Event would ‘do’ to me but he sees how my confidence has grown and how the belief I have in myself isn’t temporary. It’s mine to build on now and I just didn’t have that before.

Come and join in if you know you’re ready to really believe in the value and experience you already have.”


Kay's Owl

A is also for Alison AND Assertive, Ask, Allow

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps

Well, I don’t necessarily agree with either of these statements %$firstname$%, but I’ve been recommended to read Allan & Barbara Pease’s book by one of my colleagues and mentors – Lois Frankel.

Lois wrote ‘Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office’ in 2004 and recently also released ‘Nice Girls Still Don’t Get the Corner Office’.

Mixed-gender teams are proven to perform better in terms profitability and personality. This book apparently – whilst being hilarious in places – proves what we already know. Men and women need each other and bring valuable skills the other, in general, just doesn’t have.

Now, which way up does this map go?

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Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite 

No slurping as you keep hydrated!

sparkly bitIf you host teleconference calls or take part in them then this is for you! Also if you speak on stages or host meetings – especially if microphones are involved, this is also for you! Use a straw – that’s my sparkly advice for you.

I’ve bought a ‘sippy cup’ as it’s known and use it when I speak to groups and when I host teleconferences. It doesn’t make a slurping sound when I drink, my lipstick stays in place (crucial) and if ever I knock it, it doesn’t go everywhere. I’ve even had a branded sippy cup made for my clients so they keep hydrated and remember to stay assertive, strategic and true to themselves at the same time.

When I speak to audiences I make reference to it and they always love it as it’s such a simple, savvy thing to know about and use yourself.

Cheers %$firstname$%!

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About Kay

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert for Ambitious Women in Business, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.

Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.

Kay’s clients learn how to present themselves most effectively at work and to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.

Hosting an annual 3-day Live Event for corporate career women “Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE” Kay encourages and shows women how to be the best, most valuable version of themselves so they’re ready to be paid what their worth and go for what they want with certainty. Crucially too, how to have more ease and more fun as you plan your way forward.

Kay is author of the Number 1 Best-Seller “The A to Z of Being Understood” and you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com

Living close to London with sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, lots of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside. Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he’s part of the pack.

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