Positive Linking eZine: September 22, 2017

kay white enewsletter

Volume 159 |  22 September  2017 

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Hello There

Hello there %$firstname$%,

Well, we’ve been enjoying the last of the Summer here by the seaside for the past few weekends. We have a hidey-hole place by the sea and take off when we can, hounds and all of course. It feels as if we’ve been there longer than just 1 or 2 nights as the change of scenery and sea air give us a well-needed reboot.

Last weekend Jeffrey, our smallest, peskiest hound and I went off to support Caroline, my Client Concierge, as she swam the Open Water part of her Triathlon which, Woop, her team won! We normally see each other with all our Event-glitter and smart outfits on but not last weekend with Caroline in her wetsuit and me trying to be out of the wind.

This weekend we were there again for a concert on the beach. A construction which appeared on the beach, hosted concerts, theatre shows, plays for a week and it was special to be there. Cold, but special! We knew were effectively sitting on the beach even though we were in a theatre. Many more seasoned seasiders had their blankets and bobble hats on inside.

So, the next time I send you my bi-weekly eZine it will be Day 2 of my final 3-day live event. Wow. It’s time to get my To Do list out there and tick ‘Done’ but there’s so much fun to be had before then. Riding the bittersweet emotions of the Event and the ups and downs is always a lesson in staying loose, nimble and flexible. Essential when surfing and, as Caroline showed us, you can still rock it in a wetsuit!

Remember %$firstname$%, always be true to yourself – no one else can be the unique, one-off, multi-faceted person you are! No one.

Thank you for taking the time to read this eZine as I’m sure you have so much vying for your attention. I hope the ideas and suggestions help you reflect and to show up, sparkle and be heard even more at work.

Warm and ever-sparkly wishes %$firstname$%,


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PS – Oscar Wilde Said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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What's Happening

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™

3-Day LIVE Event 2017

Just 11 seats left for my FINAL 3-Day Live Event (& 2 weeks to go)

If you know you need to step up and accelerate your success at work AND allow yourself to be seen, valued and heard – do be there in October. Here’s the date and it will be in London again. Join me LIVE and learn with and from other ambitious, experienced women like you.

AND it will be the FINAL Event in this formation I host for the foreseeable, maybe forever…

If you’ve been thinking about coming ‘one of these days’ well, this year in OCTOBER will be your last chance….

>> 5, 6, 7 October 2017.

Here’s where you can Register << this is the FINAL one in this formation for some time, maybe forever….

AND we now only have 11 seats left before the room is FULL.

Use the code >>> 100SPECIALCODE and take £100 off the Seat Price whilst we have them. If you can’t register it’s because we’re full. Please email Caroline@kaywhite.com in that case to go on the Waiting List.

Oh, AND as a BONUS also receive the recording of a call I hosted recently about identifying and leveraging your transferrable skills. Understanding these enables you to switch roles/organisations/industries with more confidence and ease.

Yours as you register.

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Do you ride your emotions?

Or are you at their mercy?

It was the start of a meeting with a potential new client. We sat discussing what was going on with his team and why some of the key people were avoiding communicating with each other. Let’s call him John, he said something along the lines of ‘well, we’ve brought you in Kay because it’s probably all about the touchy, feely stuff and I don’t do that’.

‘You don’t do that?’ I said, risking, I suppose, being shown the door, ‘You don’t do that? Everyone does that John, everyone does that all the time, it’s what it’s all about.’ I thought to myself his words gave me a huge clue as to why there was such a disconnect in this team.

When someone explained to me once how emotion can be defined as ‘energy-in-motion’ it took on new meaning, one that really makes sense and, to all those ‘oh, I avoid the touchy-feely stuff’ out there, think about emotion like this – it’s ‘energy-in-motion’. Your energy, at any given moment, can change to another energy and you behave differently. Something else happens and, depending how you decide to react to it – notice I said ‘how you decide’ – then your emotional state changes again.

As you go through your day, start noticing your own emotions and, crucially too, others’ (they’re on display, you just have to notice them). As you become more and more aware that emotion is driving everything, and everyone, you’ll be able to understand so much more about other people and so much more about yourself.

Here’s a typical scenario that plays out every day, everywhere for someone, somewhere with the emotion in brackets.

Rushing to a meeting to avoid being late (excitement, fear) you arrive just as the meeting’s starting (anxiety, embarrassment). As you grab a coffee and your seat (relief, anticipation) you’re asked a question (surprise and fear again). Someone else chimes in to help you (relief and surprise) and you also gather your thoughts and add your opinion (relief and anticipation). The meeting carries on and you notice yourself relaxing (contentment and trust) and you’re asked to be involved in a new project (surprise and joy). You know it’ll be hard work with a lot riding on it and you say ‘yes, great’ (anticipation, fear, joy) and you all agree to meet again in two weeks to update everyone (anticipation, trust, anxiety). Off you go to your desk and pick up the phone to tell your partner about this opportunity (excitement and surprise mixed with anxiety).

Can you ‘feel’ just from reading the above, how much energy-in-motion is going on for you, just in that meeting?

We are constantly shifting and changing gear with our emotions and the more we understand about how they affect us, and those around us, the more we can start to take notice of where we are in our emotional journey.

We’re all in an emotional state, all of the time. The trick is to notice which emotional state we’re in – relaxed, excited, angry, frustrated, sad, happy – and to know that we are moving in and out of these states all the time. We must then decide and find which state is the most helpful, appropriate and resourceful for us to be in, given what’s going on around us. We do have a choice though and when we accept that we can no longer say “Oh, he makes me so angry”. He doesn’t. You decide to be. Byron Katie, one of my spiritual mentors said, in context with minor irritations and day to day conflict “No one has the power to upset me. I do that.” Enough. Said.

Extracted from ‘E is for Emotion’ from The A to Z of Being Understood by Kay White.

I’d love to hear what you think. You can leave me a comment or a note here.

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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:
“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.

Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”

To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right). I’m always interested to hear from you.

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“I feel empowered by what I’ve learned.”

“I’ve learned how to be more open and trust myself. I came here to London to this event to share with and learn from other professional women like me. I’ve discovered so much about myself and I feel empowered by what I’ve learned. I didn’t know what to expect but I trusted I wanted to be here and learn from Kay. I’ve learned how to be more open and how to trust myself more.

Kay’s like our Fairy Godmother! She brings amazing women together in a safe, special space to learn and share and really understand how powerful we are. Go ahead and come to this event – jump and trust you’ll get what you need. I did.”


Kay's Owl

L is for Lenka AND Listen, Leverage, Learn

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day.

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Investing in yourself for a change

I’ve invested in my own private coach and mentor for 12 years now. Their names and specialties have changed over the years as my own development focus has changed but I’ve invested well over 6 figures during this time. Wow, has it paid me back. Not only financially (which it has around 8 fold) but also energetically. Being able to share and think aloud with someone I’m not married to, related to, work around, hang out with has been the smartest move I could have made – and continue to make.

Stepping in to becoming a mentor and coach to other women would never have been so natural nor effective, had I not learned from my own mentors. Here’s an idea for you.

Look at what it is you’re wanting to do, start, stop, become. It’s easy to say “Oh I can’t afford it” but hey, that’s short-sighted. I’ve found I can’t afford not to and how quickly the investment comes back to me. When I invested over £20,000 in my development and business growth in 2010, I made the money back AND a huge leap in my business within 6 weeks. Now that’s investing for a change.

Maybe it’s your time %$firstname$%.

Putting yourself in the space (one of the few left) of my Event next month will go a long way towards you working out who/where/when you want to be supported and guided by, next. I couldn’t recommend it if I hadn’t done it myself. Caroline (with or without her wetsuit on) will help you make registration or any enquiries you might have easy – caroline@kaywhite.com

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Savvy Style & Sparkle Soundbite

 Watch out for your first word!

If the first words which come to mind are “No but” when someone tells you something, pause for a second and then say “Yes….and” instead. You want to keep people open to you and connected to what you want.

Rather than immediately putting the other person on the back foot, knowing already you disagree, if you say “Yes, and” then you keep them open to hearing you. “Yes” I hear you or heard you “and I also have something to say or add on that…..”

Try it? Yes – and it works!

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About Kay

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert for Ambitious Women in Business, Kay mentors and coaches professional women who want to attract promotion, recognition and rewards at work without feeling they have to ‘sell their soul’.

Running her own multiple 6-figure coaching & mentoring business for over 10 years, Kay shows her clients, who are corporate career women at all different stages of their careers, how to naturally attract more income and opportunity while being true to themselves.

Kay’s clients learn how to present themselves most effectively at work and to combine strategic, planned career move-making steps with influencing skills. She also teaches compelling and assertive language and powerful mindsets around, for example, money, ambition and worthiness. She draws on her own 20+ years corporate career in the male-dominated world of London insurance broking. Kay started her career at 18 as a Secretary and left as a Director, having also worked for the company in Paris, to start her own coaching business. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently.

Hosting an annual 3-day Live Event for corporate career women “Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE” Kay encourages and shows women how to be the best, most valuable version of themselves so they’re ready to be paid what their worth and go for what they want with certainty. Crucially too, how to have more ease and more fun as you plan your way forward.

Kay is author of the Number 1 Best-Seller “The A to Z of Being Understood” and you can connect and find out more from Kay at: www.kaywhite.com

Living close to London with rescue sighthounds, Jeffrey, Pharaoh & DeeDee, much of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside. Kay’s husband says she’s the Pack Leader and he knows he’s part of the pack.

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