Positive Linking eZine: April 10, 2015


Volume 107 | 10 April 2015  

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Hello there %$firstname$%,

Crikey! It had to be the first word I share with you – after hosting my 3rd 3-day Live Event here in London and with the myriad of moving parts and all the emotion that went with it, and which follows, it seems so fitting.

It was such a great experience and talk about being on a rollercoaster ride with ups, downs and twists and turns along the way. As well as a lot of emotional surprises – from everyone joining me on stage to spontaneously throwing shapes with Katy Perry and Lady Gaga playing (the Tech chaps at the back dancing too), to moments where we all had tears in our eyes for one reason or another. Tissues were very well-used at the same time as BIG, strong decisions being made about next steps and moves in showing up and truly being valued – and not only at work.

So you see %$firstname$%, that’s one of the main things I’ve learned – rather than being the ‘stiff upper lip, nothing affects me’ type which is so often the rule of thumb, especially in the corporate world, go with the emotion of the moment. Other people can decide but when you allow yourself to open up, to be vulnerable and real – others give themselves permission to do so too. It’s huge for you both.

I was also quite unwell during the event with a cough which – post-Event – was diagnosed as Pneumonia.  Amazing to have pulled it together AND I asked for the partnership of our audience which was so generously given.

Snowy, my rock of a husband and the “I don’t dance” Emcee of the event got swept away with it all and we got him dancing too. He also truly contributed with stories, insights and ideas about the ways women show up at work from the working man’s perspective. I can honestly say %$firstname$%, I’m so grateful to everyone who attended, took part and contributed in whichever way they did.

We’ve already set the date for 2016 – June 9, 10, 11 in London. If you’d like to be with us and experience your own personal reflection and ‘decision time’ with us here, then this is when you can.  You can see some of the photos from the recent event, they’re here for you on my Facebook wall.  Maybe jot the date in your 2016 diary. Just saying!

With rest, antibiotics and ’no partying’ I’m now on the mend and excited (quietly) to get back in the game.  Phew! 

Remember, always be true to yourself – no one else can be the unique, one-off, multi-faceted person you are. No one.

Warmly to you %$firstname$%,


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PS – Oscar Wilde said it best, %$firstname$% when he said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Enough said.

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Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard

Show Up, Sparkle & Be Heard ™ LIVE Event –

Date for Your 2016 Diary

I believe in setting an intention and going with it %$firstname$%. If you know you need to be there in 2016, here’s the date and it will be in London again. The contract for the room is close to being signed and, already, women are telling me “I’m coming next year – I know I need to be there”. So. Just saying. If you do too, now you know the when. The ‘how’ will work itself out…..  9, 10, 11 June 2016.


NOW: Speaking, Resting and Breathing!

With a number of speaking bookings coming up (3 investment banks, a conference and an Insurance Network) I’m also planning to plan!  Holidays, mini-breaks, mini-events AND planning for ‘nothing’.

Also – speaking of speaking – if you believe I will contribute to your organisation with my talk for professional women about savvy, effective and influential communication for your business success, please let my Personal Assistant, Helen, know at helen@kaywhite.com.  

You can read a little about what I share and it would be a pleasure to look at if or how we can make that work – virtually or in person.  


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Gratitude: 2 Small Words Change Everything
Use them more and make things easier for yourself

Gratitude – Being and showing you’re grateful.

It’s such a small thing to say ‘thank you’ and these two small words cost you absolutely nothing and yet make a huge difference to if and how people remember you – and respond to you.  Thanking people is often the difference that makes the difference as to whether people do what you want, get back to you, take on your opinion and it certainly affects the actual way they do what you ask them to.

To be noticed and remembered for the right reasons, we need to make people feel appreciated.   An easy, effective and natural way to make people feel you appreciate them is simply to look for more ways to say ‘Thank You’ to them and to say it more.  It’s so simple and it works in so many ways.   

Once we start to look for how and where we can be more grateful, more appreciative of what people do and are doing, not just for us but around us, you’ll discover loads more opportunities to say ‘thank you’. 

  • ‘Thank you for your help’

  • ‘Thank you for letting me know’

  • ‘Thank you for thinking of me’

  • ‘Thanks in advance for doing that by Friday…’

Telling people you know they’ll do something and thanking them before they’ve done it,  that’s where commitment and consistency, those powerful influencers, live.

Thank you’ also helps even if you don’t like what you’re being told.   Try saying “ah, thanks for letting me know” or “hmm, thanks for telling me that, now what about etc.” If  you say  ‘thank you’ first, it means that the first thing you say isn’t negative and crucially, it buys you some precious time to decide what you do want to say.

Defined in the dictionary as ‘a polite expression used when acknowledging a gift, service or compliment or when accepting or refusing an offer’, saying ‘thank you’ for something you don’t want or don’t want to do is a really key piece in learning how to say ‘no’ without upsetting people.   “Thank you for the opportunity and…” 

There’s a great knock-on effect from saying ‘Thank You’ more of course.  It makes you feel better too.  It’s that whole ‘attitude of gratitude’ and it truly works.  Simple.   

So many people mutter to themselves ‘Well, they’re just doing their job’ ie why should I say ‘thank you?’ or tell me ‘I was so pleased with how they did that’ and yet when I ask the person ‘did you tell them you’re pleased?’ they invariably say the person was either doing what they were supposed to or they just assumed the person knew they were pleased. Uh oh.

A client told me recently that, as a service provider, when a customer phones her and says ‘thank you’ after she’s sorted things out for them, they immediately get better service from her next time they need her help.

As she then said ‘everyone likes to be appreciated, we’ve all got a lot going on’ and as William Arthur Ward, the famous American poet said ‘Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.’

There you go, simple and easy. Thank you %$firstname$%.


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Do you want to use this article in your eZine or on your website?

Please do but only if you include this complete “blurb” with it:

“Article reproduced with permission of Kay White, Savvy & Influential Communication Expert and Mentor at www.kaywhite.com.


Kay shows experienced – and often frustrated – business women (and very smart men) how to be heard and understood by accessorising their day-to-day interactions with subtle, influential phrases and words to make people sit up, listen and take action. Kay’s book, The A to Z of Being Understood is an international #1 Bestseller: http://amzn.to/kTJYdX and helps professionals make their voices heard and their conversations really count.”


To see any previous issues of this eZine or comment on an article, we’re always interested to hear from you. Please go to www.kaywhite.com (you’ll find the link to previous eZines on the Blog page, on the right)

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Ruby C. , Practice Manager, Major UK IT Services

It’s been a life-changing weekend for me..

I wanted a different take on things and to change my attitude – I wanted some inspiration in my career which was missing. The whole experience has been fantastic – so much attention to detail, everyone very welcoming, friendly, open and I’m amazed I’ve got up and danced. I just don’t normally do that kind of thing and I did it because I really wanted to.

The range of speakers was amazing – from powerful business women to spiritual teachers, quite extraordinary. I’ve learned such powerful lessons having been a bit of a corporate clone I’ve learned that it’s OK to be yourself, in fact it’s crucial! I’m already much more confident about the moves I’m going to make and understand and leverage my true value.

Kay has incredible energy and warmth and you immediately want to learn from her and I feel inspired to follow her example. I’ve got so much out of these 3 days, it feels like a week – it’s been a life-changing weekend for me. Don’t hold back if you’re thinking you should be here if she hosts this Event again.

Kay's OwlR is also for Resilient, Respect & Reliable

For 3 more of these sort of positive, punchy and powerful words go to: www.kaywhite.com and find today’s words at the bottom of the page. They’re there to motivate, inspire, compel both you and those around you as you use them every day AND, see below for your Power List.

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Turning Pro by Steven Pressfield is a ‘belter’ of a book. His first book “The War of Art” surfaced the spectre of resistance. Resistance, according to Steven Pressfield is a force stopping us from doing our work, from stepping up, from claiming our space. Resistance – meaning to struggle, battle, confront – stops you in your tracks. Stops you from doing ‘your’ work.This book is about the difference between the amateur and the pro – the professional. The amateur tries, thinks about, does a bit, stops. The pro does it. Keeps doing it, keeps showing up to do the work. Rain or shine. Feeling good or feeling crappy.  Keeps going.

Steven’s style is confronting, honest and if you – like so many women – know you hold yourself back, then let this book give you the swift ‘kick in the pants’ we all need sometimes. I know I do.  Health Warning:  He does ‘Eff and Jeff’ in the book and, it’s intentional.  It’s a wake up call.

Or, put another way – pause, breathe, re-group, beat your resistance and keep going. I promise you %$firstname$%, I had my own big resistance moments crafting my live 3-day event AND the 3rd time around, even more so – there was more at stake.  And, I remembered the need to push through the resistance and tell myself “just keep going”.And if you need further reassurance %$firstname$%, here’s what Oprah has to say:

“The BIG secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you’re willing to work.”

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Help Your Feet to Sparkle Too!

After hosting a 3-day Live Event, I had to give you this small and super-duper helpful tip for your toes!  I’ve said it before and here it is again..

Maybe if you’re a smart man this won’t be so helpful but hey, you never know?

vasalineIf you wear sandals, high or otherwise and bare feet ie no tights or hose then this trick is for you!

Your feet get hot and then the sandals or shoes become uncomfortable or stick. So, pop in your bag a little tin of Vaseline or petroleum jelly. It’s MAGIC. I had my feet, especially my toes, well and truly layered with it and had no bad-feet moments at all.

I’ve rescued women hopping about in pain at weddings, cocktail parties and events by discreetly handing them my handy handbag-sized tin. You may say it’s an ‘old wives’ tale’ %$firstname$% but, whatever, this wife knows it works!

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About Kay White

Kay White works with experienced business women from all around the world (and some very smart men) and shows them – with a combination of language and strategic moves – how to own, position and speak of their value so their income, opportunities and confidence naturally increases. Kay combines private, VIP mentoring with group mentoring, speaking and hosts her annual 3-day Live Event ’Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE”. She also hosts her weekly podcast radio show ‘Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard’ downloadable from her site or on iTunes.

Using insights from her own +20 year corporate career, Kay shows her clients how to plan out their next moves in their business or career. She also shows women how ‘accessorise’ and enhance their day-to-day interactions along the way making them more comfortable, compelling and engaging. They boost their income, prospects and attract more lucrative opportunities as a result as Kay shows her clients how to add true, personal sparkle. Both to themselves and to what they say.

Working with Kay, her clients discover how to be confident, assertive, attract and keep attention and then ask for and get what they want. It’s a learnable skill to ask for what you want, to persuade, influence and get other people engaged and into action – both in writing and face-to-face. Kay’s developed step-by-step systems for her clients to learn, follow and use the steps every day and everywhere. 

Known as the Savvy & Influential Communication Expert, Kay is the Author of the international #1 bestseller ‘The A to Z of Being Understood’. She’s also a contributing Author in 4 other #1 best-selling books and annually hosts a 3-day Live Event in London for professional women:  Show Up; Sparkle & Be Heard LIVE. With her straightforward and easy manner, Kay regularly features in magazines and publications. She’s a featured expert in GLAMOUR Magazine in “The Nice Girl’s Guide to Playing Hardball” and a regular guest blogger for We Are The City, a hub network and content site for professional women.

During her 20-year corporate career, Kay worked in the City of London and in Paris to Director level as part of a successful, mainly male, fast-paced team of global insurance brokers. Negotiating multi-million pound, industrial property insurance contracts around the world, she learned (often by her own mistakes along the way) how to – and crucially how not to – get heard, valued and noticed, for the right reasons. Some of her ex-colleagues have become clients and Kay still speaks French – now more enthusiastically than fluently!

Kay and her husband live close to London with their 3 rescue sighthounds. A lot of Kay’s inspiration comes from walking ‘the hounds’ as she calls them – whatever the UK weather – early in the mornings in the local countryside.

Find out much more at www.kaywhite.com

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