Where do I send your free 30-minute audio ‘Do You Have Trouble Saying No?’There’s no substitute for the ‘LIVE’ or personalised version of You
It’s easy to get lulled into this false sense of reality isn’t it? Instead of picking up the phone to speak to someone, you drop them an email or send them a message or a text. Instead of dropping someone a note, you can instant message, Skype message or send them an eCard. Instead of going to a networking event, social gathering, exhibition or event, you can show up online. All of these ways of being in touch, of showing up on the radar, are virtually instant and take very little effort. They work too, to an extent. There’s also a darker side too, a sense of disconnectedness.
What I also know to be true is this. There is nothing like being there in-person, in-the-room and pressing the flesh with other people. The energy, the sense of connectedness, the opportunity to take yourself out of your environment and put yourself in another, all adds to the mix and what comes out of that is so very different than being ‘virtual’.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m the first to enjoy, leverage and actively revel in all the gizmos and ways of working with people virtually. It’s something I’ve come to love about working in this ‘small world’ way. What is often underestimated though is how disconnected we can feel and be perceived, when we take ourselves, our personalised selves, out of the mix – often without necessarily being conscious of it.
Let me ask you a few quick questions.
- Have you ever emailed someone who’s in the same room/office as you because you can’t face or make time to go across and speak to them?
- Have you ever emailed someone instead of calling them as an easy ‘get out’?
- Have you ever texted someone a Thank You note instead of either calling or writing them a personal note?
- Do you find yourself sending an ‘Apologies’ meeting alert rather than calling the person to say you can’t attend?
- Have you ever wished you’d met up with someone in person sooner rather than wasting time going back/forth on email?
I know, like me, some – or all – of your answers will be a ‘Yes’. I ask myself, just before sending an email or text, is this the best way to be in touch today? Clients constantly tell me that they can’t “get people to do what they want them to” or they struggle to get people to respond to them. When pressed, it’s often because they lack connection with the other person/s. That’s where the secret of ‘pressing the flesh’ or personalising can change things in an instant.
You don’t have to spend your life bouncing around the world on planes or being so busy going to meetings or writing notes you never give yourself time to implement or think. No, of course not.
Here are 5 starters for you if you decide to show up ‘personally’ more than you are.
- When you go to email someone, pick up the phone and call instead. Even if you leave a voicemail and send an email afterwards, you connected, you made the effort. They hear your ‘real life’ voice. It means something, to them.
- Instead of sending an RSVP by email – call or drop a personal, hand-written note instead. Your voice, your writing all counts more as you being ‘in person’.
- When you look at an invitation and think “No, too busy” – just ask yourself “How can I make it work so I can go?” so you let people see you and be with you, as you with them.
- When you do decide to show up in person, instead of hanging with people you know, challenge yourself to meet and greet at least 5 people you’ve never met before. You only have to be open to asking them a few questions and, off you go!
- When you’re with other people, be more interested in them, rather than being interested in them being interested in you. That’s where the true magic is – they magically become more interested in you anyway – aha!
Daniel Goleman who wrote the transformational – and much quoted – book ‘Emotional Intelligence’ says “When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection – or compassionate action.” I believe he’s right.
A big piece of that is coming forward to make a personalised – not impersonalised – connection. Go on, I dare you.
Powers – from the word go, you’ve thought about your own particular skill set. Of course you have. What it is you do naturally and easily and you’ve asked other people about it – literally, that question. ‘What is it that I seem to do naturally and easily?’ and then you own those skills. They’re part of your power. Your ‘Jedi skills’ if you will. Once you’ve jotted down some of your natural skills you then make them super-powerful. Look at those skills and ask yourself ‘What do those skills do for other people?’ For example a skill is “I’m great with numbers”. Well, whoopy do. What does that do? Positioning that as valuable is being able to then say, for example “I can see angles where clients are losing money and help them stop it and save thousands per month.” Same thing, good with numbers, huge difference in positioning the value. 
Being in London and being part of the Olympics last year was such an emotional experience and taught me so much. Truly. Recently we celebrated the anniversary of The Games and it reminded me – all over again – of what it takes to go for – and win – GOLD. It’s the same for your career and, especially as a professional woman, running your own race is crucial. Let me explain.
Believe – or go home! I definitely heard that a few times. If you don’t believe in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? Standing sure and firm in your belief in yourself isn’t about showing off and being like a peacock, it’s about self-certainty. You know you can’t control what anyone else does, says or how they play the game. You control how you behave and how you believe and keep believing. The phrase ‘I never, never, never gave up believing’ was a London 2012 quotable. What about you – what are you standing sure and firm in yourself about?
With all the highs and lows, the twists and turns of our own day-to-day work, rest and play time, I believe Baz Luhrmann, the film director hits it squarely on the nose.
How can you do this easily? Here’s how:
Notice how you’re drawn in to certain people’s writing or companies’ websites and the effects they have on you; writing more like you speak and less like a competitor for the Formal Writing Trials is a skill. A skill which will mean more people read and connect with what you write and, the crucial bit, respond to you and what you want. Write on.
Think of any film you’ve seen that grabbed you. What about a TV series you follow, or a book you read and re-read or share? They’ll all have grabbed your attention and kept it with a story. The story that’s threaded and woven throughout any attention-grabbing book or film is what we remember, long after the titles and credits.
Using stories to describe a message, to help people understand is one of the most time-tested ways of engaging others. The facts stick and become more powerful when they’re used in a story. If you think about the audience and what you know about them, then express yourself with the “it’s like when you….” using something you know they do or experience, then you’re always going to be more engaging, memorable and influential than the person who lists a load of facts.
We’ve all been there haven’t we? Sat in meetings, in presentations, at lunches when someone has been rambling on or pontificating about something and we’ve asked ourselves ‘what’s your point?’ or ‘I wonder what the point is here?’ Well if you ever wonder that, everyone else does too – if, indeed, they’re still listening long enough to be wondering.
Ah, now we have it. Now we can start to line up and sort – like a computer does – for what’s actually going on.
“Mind your Language” is a great piece of advice, truly mind it. Think about the effect it has on you and then on those around you as you use it. It’s one of my passions for my clients that they really “get” how important the words and phrases are they choose and then use. If you have a sense though that you could be more influential, more engaging and inspiring to other people, then changing and updating your ‘script’ transforms the way you connect with people. It’s like adding sparkly accessories to your message.
Now with the word Evolution (remember, we only tweaked 2 letters) there’s a more forward motion to it, more of a sense of “Ok, for where I am now and for how I’ve developed now and what I want in my life now, this is what I want for 2013”.
We’ve all been there haven’t we? You’re at a social function, a networking event, a business conference and your intention is to circulate, meet new people, catch up with colleagues and friends – and then you get stuck.
To respectfully and assertively steer yourself away – and this works just as well socially as it does professionally – you need to be able to say a couple of things really clearly. So, I’ve chosen, from my extensive ‘treasure chest’ of ways and words, a simple example you can use straight away. Plus of course, the behind-the-curtain thinking in saying it.
It’s so easy to lose your message, your audience, their attention, their trust by using ‘weasel’ words. By using ‘gobbledeegook’ if you will – and it’s everywhere, like an epidemic.
It’s a great way to translate some of the corporate gobbledegook you come across by asking yourself “What would I say to my partner/husband/wife about this?”