When you get something skewed, wrong, confused do you speak to yourself in a way you’d speak to a good friend?
Listening to your way of speaking to yourself is a lifelong quest. My work with corporate career women over the last 15 years has given me insights into just how mean-girl, nasty or unforgiving we can be – to ourselves.
Others? We give them loads of rope and reassure or placate themthat “it can’t be helped” or “These things happen” or “We all make mistakes” etc – and here’s the thing , that’s all true. What about when we trip up though?
“Oh there you are you idiot, you’ve done it again” or “I can’t believe I missed that” or “You’re so stupid, haven’t you learned your lesson yet?” and so it goes on… We wouldn’t speak to a good friend in this way so why do we speak to ourselves like this? And yes, I can catch myself doing this too.
What’s more kind, truthful and effective is this:
- Ask yourself “is this really true?” as you hear yourself berate yourself?
- Who told me this and how important are they to me, now?
- Answer this question – instead of “why have you done X again?” ask “If I was being kind to myself, what would I say instead?”
People tell us so many stories about ourselves which, quite frankly, are BS. They’re other people’s stuff which is, invariably, not our own truth. Careful who you listen to.
How do I know this ? I was told “You’re no good at numbers Kay” by my Maths teacher. As a result I avoided taking my exam, was ‘scared’ of working with numbers and would always feel a fog coming over me in my broking career when too many numbers were being banded about. Not helpful and, interestingly, not true.
Numbers aren’t my strongest skillset for sure but I’m perfectly capable of working out what I need to and realised this when working on my own business P&L, VAT and income streams. “You’re no good at numbers” is no longer what I tell myself.
So, for this week let me encourage you
- to speak more kindly to yourself.
- To listen to how you speak to yourself and
- try to translate your inner ‘mean girl’ into a good friend and notice the difference…
If you struggle with boundaries and saying “NO” then I have something for you. So many women are struggling to reassert their work/homelife boundaries that I’ve created something targeted to help. I’ll tell you about it shortly… 19th August at 7.30pm UK. Join me. More soon.
>>> AND Save Another Date! Friday 17th September <<<
A One-Day Live Gathering, on line, hosted by me and including many special guests.
Personal Practices; Potions & Personal Power Moves << all part of our discussions together on Friday 17th September..
Douglas Puppyhound & Other Developments
Jeffrey always alert, Douglas always growing!
The seagulls wake Douglas up at our seaside place so, we’re all up and out at 5.30am!
And finally, our precious nephew Fraser has gone to live in the Czech Republic and we gathered last weekend to wish him happy landings. Rescue hound Rex loves always to be in the middle of things!