“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” ~ Brene Brown
Well goodness me. Do you do that? Are you conscious of how you talk to yourself either aloud or silently?
I can catch myself telling myself how silly I am or how I’ve ‘done it again’ or whatever. But I do catch myself. Habits are hard to break.
When you consider what Brene Brown is suggesting though, it’s very rare that we’d speak to others as critically as often as we do to ourselves. It’s a whole other issue if you do by the way!
One of the best ways I’ve found to stop myself being so hypercritical of myself is this.
Say I’ve missed a turning in the car because I wasn’t paying attention.
Instead of “Oh you silly XYZ, can’t believe you’ve missed that now you’ve got to turn around. Concentrate will you!” kind of thing.
I turn it into a chance to be calmer and kind to myself – but with intent.
“Oh drat, you’ve missed the turn. Too many thoughts crowding in Kay. Concentrate and stay present. Turn around. Keep going.”
- Do you notice what you notice as you speak to yourself and, more importantly, the effect it has on you?
- Would you speak like that to someone you cared about?
- What would you say instead if you paid attention to how you spoke to yourself?
It’s such an easy habit to get into.
Just as it is to get into that kind of habit with those close to us. It’s a slippery slope.
Not paying attention.
Allowing frustration, fatigue etc to get the better of you.
Snapping back when you could be kinder, more patient.
As one of my clients told me when she went to marriage counselling, her counsellor asked both of them:
“Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?“
Good question. You can’t always be both…
A final word on the matter…
“The words you speak are powerful, especially the words you speak to yourself.”
~ Robin Sharma
And in other news…
We had friends to stay this weekend and Snowy’s known them for over 20 years and I have for nearly 40 years. So many laughs and a few tears. Life’s like that isn’t it when you’ve known someone for many moons.